to want to tell all the nice little shy girls at school...

[justmeokay]

I was NEVER looked at by the boys... I was so shy, quiet, embarrassed of myself. I felt so silly and ugly, and young, compared to most of my friends. I thought they just had something I didn't.

But.... tonight, and I know this sounds pathetic... Those same boys, are sending me messages on facebook asking me how I am, trying to make little 'in' jokes from school, trying to CHAT ME UP. Because I did good things, I worked hard, I left that town, I went to university, I grew up. And now, yes, 10 years too late, but still, they actually fancy me! And I couldn't be less interested. Because I left, and did things, and saw the world, and met a boy who actually liked me, for me, and not because I was a bit easy, or cocky, or whatever.

I don't mean any disrespect to anyone with this, it just feels like one of those tiny little victories that I wish my 15 year old self knew would happen.

Woooo for being one of the nice ones, for ONCE!

Some idiot sniffing round for a shag is not a victory.

Take pride in yourself and your life for its own sake. You don't need to validate yourself via the attention of men you don't like.

that's really not what I was saying, saucy, but yes, I agree in principle.

I hate sounding harsh but your post does suggest that you are massively lacking in self esteem still.

I was certainly never fancied by the lads at school but it didn't really cross my mind that them liking me now would be a victory - mind you, they don't as far as I know!

People grow and change, that's all there is to it surely?

I'm pleased for you OP

But no, I wouldn't be telling that to young children of either gender.

Far better that they get their self worth from things not related to people fancying them.

Good on you OP for that post. You've come out of your shell, you're happy with life, you have made wonderful achievements in your life.

My painfully shy 12yo dd is starting secondary school and I am so worried about her, but I will show her your post.

What I'm reading between the lines is that maybe you were made to feel inferior at school in many ways, not just because you felt boys didn't fancy you - maybe bullied.

But there's a new you.

I really didn't mean anything sinister with this, maybe I've phrased it wrong. I think I'm going to come off this site, I really meant to be positive. I'm not lacking in self esteem, I'm not seeking validation, I just had a little, tiny, moment where I felt proud of my younger self for not giving in to all the pressure to be like all the 'popular girls'. I thought it was a nice message that in the end it means something to be nice, and genuine, and have principles and not just go along with everything, because there is a big world out there and what matters when you are a teenager doesn't matter when you are an adult, and it's nice to look back and be glad you didn't compromise.

I was nice to people, I didn't sleep around, I was made to feel like a loser for that sometimes. I'm glad now that I was like that, how is this a bad thing?! * rhetorical question, don't want a load of abuse!

I'm really glad things have worked out for you op.

I don't agree that telling girls don't worry boys will fancy you in the future is a good thing. Surely it's much better to encourage them to follow their dreams and to be happy and secure with themselves.

I think maybe it did just come over wrong. Totally agree with how you've phrased it the second time.

god, I feel like a total idiot all over again for writing something that makes it sound like I'd tell children 'it's ok because boys will fancy you in the future', that's not even remotely what I meant. I'm clearly lacking a way with words tonight :(

OP you obviously wanted this to be positive but it's all twisted. Please...don't use words like "easy" in relation to girls or women.

I feel bad that you feel bad now OP

I'm glad it worked out for you but I have to agree with Purple, regarding following their hopes and dreams and being secure in themselves ( girls and boys ).

It's quite normal nowadays for people to bump into one another one the internet, and to be interested in how their lives have turned out.

Some will of course get a bit flirty and maybe try to chat someone up, but that's all it is really (avoids using the irritating word 'banter'), so I wouldn't make a big thing of it to the kids I know today.

Go you now and go your younger self!

No one fancied me as a teenager either, so I totally get where you're coming from!

*on the internet

OP I hear what you're saying! I was a shy teenager, always doubting myself...years later I wish I could tell the 15 year old me to stop worrying about such pathetic things as 10 years on it will all be so irrelevant! And those who were 'cool' at school are not so cool now and I'm in a far better position than them, so I shouldn't have worried.

Cross posted with you op and I agree with saucy jack, your phrasing was off to start but I agree with your layer post. The boys thing is a total red herring.

I had a rotten time in school for similar reasons to you and I look back now with lots of years (too many!) of life experience and I'm glad I didn't give in to peer pressure to do all sorts of things that I'd regret now. Nice, shy girls who work hard win in the end.

I'm cancelling my mumsnet profile. This has actually really upset me, I just wanted to be nice. I certainly didn't want to be horrible about women or say anything controversial. Sorry for any offence.

op I couldn't see anything wrong with your op,
just name change and move on x

Being shy/not fitting in is not synonymous with being "nice". There are plenty of horrible shy people out there as well. I know where you're coming from, in the past I lost a huge amount of weight and you can imagine the changing reactions to me but this just sounds horrible.

There are plenty of very "pretty", outgoing, "popular" kids who are also nice, just because people have lots of boyfriends and mates, doesn't make them nasty. Maybe you just didn't fit in, it happens.

"Woooo for being one of the nice ones, for ONCE!" - Horrid.

Op, I think that is a great post and I'm a bit at the replies.

I get what you are saying, and as the mum of a quiet shy dd who is a bit immature it made me smile, because I know she has a really strong 'try anything' streak in her, and loads of brains and that she will grow into herself and being the quiet one who is looked past all the time won't matter anymore once she leaves school, because she is the sort of person who will be a good friend and quietly become very good in her field, whatever that is.

nice, and genuine, and have principles and not just go along with everything, this is dd to a tee

well done you.

I have had soo many tears from my dd2 17 because she didn't have a boyfriend when her friends were all dating much earlier. I kept saying it will happen and wait for a good one (don't do what I did) Now has a lovely boy, worth the wait. So I totally see where you are coming from op.

Sorry everyone, I really didn't mean to be rude to anyone. Waiting to be cancelled now and won't be back.

Eh well there's nothing wrong with 'sleeping around' as a teen either you know! And it's not impossible that someone who did 'sleep around' as a teenager was also, shock horror, nice to people. But glad you're feeling good op.

Good post OP. YANBU... You've made good life decisions and you've reaped the rewards... You feel good about yourself now but feel for younger girls like you who struggled with a lack of attention in their teenage years. Good stuff!

Some people will always pick things apart trying to find meaning where none was intended... Don't let that undermine how you're feeling!