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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to tell all the nice little shy girls at school...

191 replies

justmeokay · 29/07/2015 22:01

I was NEVER looked at by the boys... I was so shy, quiet, embarrassed of myself. I felt so silly and ugly, and young, compared to most of my friends. I thought they just had something I didn't.

But.... tonight, and I know this sounds pathetic... Those same boys, are sending me messages on facebook asking me how I am, trying to make little 'in' jokes from school, trying to CHAT ME UP. Because I did good things, I worked hard, I left that town, I went to university, I grew up. And now, yes, 10 years too late, but still, they actually fancy me! And I couldn't be less interested. Because I left, and did things, and saw the world, and met a boy who actually liked me, for me, and not because I was a bit easy, or cocky, or whatever.

I don't mean any disrespect to anyone with this, it just feels like one of those tiny little victories that I wish my 15 year old self knew would happen.

Woooo for being one of the nice ones, for ONCE!

OP posts:
PtolemysNeedle · 29/07/2015 22:34

The popular girls probably had a hard time at secondary school too, it's not easy keeping up with 'in crowd'.

So while it's nice that you'd want to share the sentiment to some young girls, it's probably one that nearly all young girls woudo benefit from no matter how confident they appear to be.

WorraLiberty · 29/07/2015 22:35

OP calm down

You made a well intended, clumsily written post that's all.

You're not the first to do this and you certainly won't be the last.

I've often read my posts back the next day and thought, 'Who the fuck is this silly cow?'

Oh yeah....it's me Blush Grin

SoupDragon · 29/07/2015 22:36

I was a nice little shy girl at school.

Life is still shit.

AngieBolen · 29/07/2015 22:37

I totally get what you mean, OP!

Also, there were quite a few girls who were horrid to me at school, and I never retaliated, or stuck up for my self. 10 years later, if I bumped in to them, they are really nice and friendly, as they remember me as a nice person (despite telling me I was "wet" for not sticking up for myself at school).

I really don't have the time for those people, but I do find the whole thing quite amusing now.

I will certainly be telling my DD not to worry if she's not popular with the boys at high school. With hindsight I can see that the boys ended up with a lot more respect for me, than for the girls who happily slept with them.

WorraLiberty · 29/07/2015 22:38

Am I the only one humming 'Homely Girl', by UB40? Blush

Fatmomma99 · 29/07/2015 22:38

How did you know that Steppemum???? And can I please buy a bottle for my DD. I'll pay. Good MN pounds. (is there a MN currency? There should be).

Barefoot789 · 29/07/2015 22:38

Don't stop coming on mumsnet op. Just name change and forget about this.
I was also shy and 'ugly' at school. Never had a boyfriend etc.
I also look back and think I did alright in the end, I'm glad I didn't give in to peer pressure too.
I totally agree that what you think matters at school, really doesn't matter almost as soon as you leave the place!

Original poster
justmeokay · 29/07/2015 22:39

Thank you to the people who understood what I meant, I feel so upset reading some of these comments - clearly still the oversensitive soul I was at school. Some things never change. I never meant to be rude to anyone, or to insinuate anything about different 'types' of people (for what it's worth I don't think there's such a thing). I just meant it's ok not to be conventionally 'popular' when you are young.
But again, sorry for any offence I have caused.

OP posts:
ZetaPu · 29/07/2015 22:40

Op don't cancel. This just shows how your self esteem has suffered.
Don't let a few negative comments affect how you feel.
You know what you meant and what your victory was.
I know what you meant as I was a shy quiet girl who did well too.
Take care and be strong.

Salmotrutta · 29/07/2015 22:43

OP - there is no need to apologise again.

I got the message and understood what you meant.

My very first post on MN was in AIBU (under a different name) and I got roasted (by scottishmummy no less).

I name changed, lurked for a bit then jumped back in Smile

WorraLiberty · 29/07/2015 22:44

Can we just take a moment to remember all the nice, quiet, shy boys too please? Grin

They often go through exactly the same sort of things and feel the same sort of pressure.

Many thanks Grin Wine

steppemum · 29/07/2015 22:45

How do I know she will be ok?

Well, she has a tough streak as I said. But not in an obvious way, so this week she is away at camp with 100 kids. She knows not one other person, child or adult, but she wanted to go. She is 10. I am pretty sure she will have a good time, because she makes the best of things. But at school she is pretty quiet and reserved and finds it hard to make friends.
She is clever, so no reason to think she won't do well at whatever she chooses to do, and she is a caring loyal friend. But has just a few friends and she is the quiet shy one at school.

So I have faith that she will be OK. Her qualities are valued the real world, but not in the world of school. She is never, ever going to be in the cool or popular gang.

Pedestriana · 29/07/2015 22:46

OP, I used to be quiet and shy. Totally lacking in self-esteem. Never had a boyfriend, never got asked out.
That carried on into my early 20's.
I got a job, I travelled, I became more confident, I met the right person for me.
Now I rarely give a shiny one about what people think of me - I don't need their validation. I had a child late in life, I'm still with my right person, I have a roof over my head, I believe in me. It has taken me years to be happy with what and who I am.
I get what you're saying too, but I can see how some people misinterpreted things. If you're feeling bothered, just name change and move on. Sometimes AIBU is a bit harsh!

OwenMeanysArmadillo · 29/07/2015 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

steppemum · 29/07/2015 22:46

OP - don't worry, no-one is offended, this is quite a robust site, you get all comments. Best thing is to wait until you have about 20 replies and then you get to see the true balance.

Samcro · 29/07/2015 22:48

op I don't think you were rude, but shy does not equal nice.
but I do agree it is a buzz when the boys who wouldn't give you air space at school, see you all grown up and cnage their minds

thatstoast · 29/07/2015 22:49

Am I the only one humming 'Homely Girl', by UB40?

I'm humming Whitney Houston's "Greatest love of all". Spoiler: it's learning to love yourself.

LondonRocks · 29/07/2015 22:50

Don't go! I got what you meant. You sound lovely.

adrianna22 · 29/07/2015 23:00

Op, I didn't think the post was bad at all! I totally get what your coming from. Sleeping around as a teen is not a good idea..

Baffledmumtoday · 29/07/2015 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FortyCoats · 29/07/2015 23:04

OP I totally got what you meant in your original post. I have a 15yo dd who was bullied relentlessly by those who were exactly as you described. It got so bad, I feared every day, she would take her life.

She had prominent teeth and protruding ears. The sweetest soul you could ever meet. It pains me to even write this here because of the bullshit replies you've received by those who have no clue what it's like to consider the best option perhaps being, ending the pain for both of us. (Yes I have sought counselling and my dd has and we're fine and nobody's in any danger so no need for anyone to shriek and flap Hmm)

She was told by the popular girls to let a bit know she liked him. They new well what he'd say and they just wanted to see her be shot down and humiliated but she couldn't see the cunning or vindictive bitches for what they were (she didn't know such meanness could exits because she was 'nice') and she told him. In front of them, he laughed and told her he wouldn't go out with her if she was the last girl in the planet. She was heartbroken, embarrassed, wondered what she had ever done to deserve people being so horrid to her. That's just a MILD example. She was literally tortured (we didn't change schools for a good reason so don't even ask why I didn't protect my child - heard all that shit here before!)

She is still young, still discovering who she is and trying to make sense of the world. She's had her brace and now has perfect teeth. She had an operation on her ears to pin them back. She is stunning even if I do say so myself but she's not vain.

The same fucker (yeah, yeah, I know he was only a child and all that bullshit, still a little bastard in my book so shoot me!) has been trying his level best to be friends with her on social media, all nice to her when they meet in town. He's not the only one.

I told her the day she came home and explained the horrible thing he said that some day he'd be chasing her. I don't give a rats ass what any fucker in the Internet thinks of me say that. I survived parenting her as much as she survived being subject to their hatred.

I'm not even going to justify any more. I know what you meant OP. Don't leave because few perfects know everything Hmm

Well done you xx

YouTheCat · 29/07/2015 23:06

I'm just humming Grin

OP, I totally get what you were trying to say in your OP.

cocobean2805 · 29/07/2015 23:06

I know what you mean OP, I was quiet and unassuming at school.

I had a minor personal victory at 23 when a boy (who at 15 I would have given my right tit to go out with) saw me on a night out and fell over himself in shock at how "hot" I had become, wanted to buy me drinks and asked me out. I said no thank you.

But I know where you're coming from the ha-ha! Noooooow you fancy a piece EH?! Didn't see me THEN did you?!

The way I read your OP was in a "it gets better" kind of way, that although life feels like the end of the world when you're 16 and think that nobody in the entire world fancies you, that actually, when you step out of school and into the wider world, grow into yourself and understand a bit more and become secure in your own boots, that actually, life is OK!

JohnCusacksWife · 29/07/2015 23:12

OP, please don't cancel your profile. I know exactly what you meant. I was never cool, or pretty or anything positive at school. I was lacking in confidence as a result of being bullied and generally dismissed as the snobby, spotty, square one. When I escaped school and went to uni I blossomed and became on the outside the person I was on the inside. Sometimes I meet people from school and I can see in their reactions that they're thinking " wow, you've changed!". And I get a real kick out of it, especially when it comes from people who wouldn't give me the time of day at school. Enjoy your confidence and don't let it be knocked by the critics here.

Pippioddstocking · 29/07/2015 23:18

Op don't cancel - I got what you meant .