to want to tell all the nice little shy girls at school...

[justmeokay]

I was NEVER looked at by the boys... I was so shy, quiet, embarrassed of myself. I felt so silly and ugly, and young, compared to most of my friends. I thought they just had something I didn't.

But.... tonight, and I know this sounds pathetic... Those same boys, are sending me messages on facebook asking me how I am, trying to make little 'in' jokes from school, trying to CHAT ME UP. Because I did good things, I worked hard, I left that town, I went to university, I grew up. And now, yes, 10 years too late, but still, they actually fancy me! And I couldn't be less interested. Because I left, and did things, and saw the world, and met a boy who actually liked me, for me, and not because I was a bit easy, or cocky, or whatever.

I don't mean any disrespect to anyone with this, it just feels like one of those tiny little victories that I wish my 15 year old self knew would happen.

Woooo for being one of the nice ones, for ONCE!

(And I don't feel that leaving is really an option either).

But the 'haha look at the popular girls their life is shit' attitude that so often pops up on these threads is hard to not take personally.

Well it's not a nice attitude - I agree with you. TBH I think it can be damaging to the one holding it as well.

Most of the popular people at my school were very nice - just not in my classes and I hope they have done well for themselves.

Some of the worst bullies have ended up in prison - other than a lack of surprise I sill don't feel anything.

DH and his friends went to their reunion to show of how they had done well for themselves - said it was not as satisfying as they'd hoped bit depressing - people were still the same but looked older they really hadn't move on or grown up in many cases.

I got confronted out with my mother by one of my nicer bullies - I was 21 enjoying University - steady boy friend life was good and I looked good. She came up pretending to be friendly and spent entire conversation trying to put me down all she could come up with was I looked young . She was younger than me - divorced with young DC. All I felt was distaste for her behaviour and some pity towards her.

I was sexually abused from 3 years old. Raped at 14. Abortion at 14 and as I'm in Ireland, had the horrifying and terrifying secret journey to make to England with my narc mother. I slept around. Every single time I though it was love. I wanted it to be.

I was 'nice'. Never picked on anyone. I stood up for the underdog. Called the bullies on their behaviour. Was mad as a fuckin brush. Not every one who bullies or sleeps around was sexually abused. Some are just bitches and bastards because they enjoy the attention and laughs from their cronies. Boosts their self worth.

You all know well the OP didn't mean anything nasty in her first post. This thread reminds me of school!

Noperspective, leaving is always an option. Living without love and support really is a waste of your life. It may not be easy but it can be done.

OP, I understand the general tone of your post. I wish I could go back to my geeky, awkward, shy teenage self and say 'you know, you're going to like yourself and do well.' It's all going to work out. I grew up thinking I was so ugly (teased for having the most horrific frizzy hair) that I would never get married, nobody would give me a job because I was ugly. I was embarrassed by my big boobs. Teenagerdom was a tough time. My hair was predominantly the problem--honestly, it was uncontrolabke. I also had bad acne. One of my 'dreams' was to have straight hair that I could wear it down, rather than scraping back in a pony tail. I felt so intimidated by the 'cool' kids and was teased for being very academic and hard working. I knew what I wanted to do with my life (being an academic, but my lack of self esteem about my appearance had a big impact).

I'm 39 and so very, very happy with myself. I have a fantastic job, a lovely and loving husband, two wonderful children and I think I look pretty good (not model material, but I like my clothes, love my body). I like myself and I'm truly content with my life.

I feel so much for those awkward teenagers who feel lost, shy, and don't fit in with the 'cool kids.' Nothing on this earth would ever make me go back in time.

The op's initial posts equates sleeping around or being 'easy' with not being nice

No, she doesn't. Have you read her post?

Oh my dear God. Are there no people out there who have actually matured since school? Or genuinely moved on to the point that it doesn't matter any more? What a depressing thread.

@littlejohn--that's exactly what many people are saying on this thread . They are saying that the judgements and low self esteem that affected them as teenagers are well and truly gone. Childhood is a massive part of building up someone's sense of self. Of course it can still shape how people think in later life---not that they still think in the same way as a teenager, but that they reflect back and think 'do you know what, all that angst wasn't needed.' I came through a shitty, bullying time and proved that I'm strong and better than bullies.

Nope, still can't see it. She said SHE was nice and SHE ddin't sleep around. She did NOT say those who slept around weren't nice.

OP I've started a thread before which I worded badly and everyone laid into me. Don't worry, I knew what you meant in your first post. Congratulations on grabbing hold of your self esteem and moving forwards. I really want to tell my (just) 16 year old that all the worries she has today will pass, but she wouldn't believe me.

Oat of the slim, rich, bitchy and popular girls at my school are still slim and rich. But now I've got a good job, a good partner and a cute DS, so who cares about them?

Well, all that projecting has really ruined the op's day, hasn't it?
Taking a post, twisting it to read whatever bollocks you want it to, and lashing out in a tantrum about things she didn't even say. Well done.
Op, I hope you are okay.
This thread could have gone so differently with a discussion about how sad it is that 13yo girls then and now still seek male validation, instead of and asking how we can shore up self esteem in ourselves and our daughters.
Much better to get the pitchforks out though.
Grim.

Blimey, I wasn't expecting to come back to this and it be in this state. I can't even..

What mad woman said.

This has been twisted so far from the OP.

Actually , if you take all the
'Omg why are some of you such bitches' 'but the op said x ' 'no she didn't'..,
It's actually quite interesting.

It is indeed grim madwoman . It is sad when someone starts a well meaning thread and it gets twisted out of all recognition.

It's almost like being back in school with the bullies sensing a point of weakness and sticking the boot in....

It is the reason that I spent so long on a thread about parties and bullies.
It astounds me that there is an expectation that 5- 11 yr olds will be mature, friendly, accepting of all and yet you get adult women who can't do it!
OP put the sort of comment that would have been very encouraging to anyone of us who has to deal with shy teenagers. Her one mistake is that she started a thread about it- and on AIBU. People put the boot in from the start and others took joy in piling in. Her one mistake was being inexperienced in AIBU threads.

And now she's gone, and possibly back to feeling miserable. Nothing like kicking someone who's clearly only just realised that she actually did turn into a beautiful butterfly.

I don't think I personally 'kicked' the OP. I think a lot of valid points were made by other posters, however there was definitely some unnecessary nastiness.

If some strangers on an Internet forum can make her feel so bad about herself maybe her self esteem isn't as good as she thinks and it's something she can further work on.

Bloody hell, if I were the OP I'd be feeling terrible right now.

Because of what strangers on an internet forum have said.

And I'm pretty sure I don't have many any self esteem issues these days.

AIBU seems to = come and give me a good kicking to some people.