to want to tell all the nice little shy girls at school...

[justmeokay]

I was NEVER looked at by the boys... I was so shy, quiet, embarrassed of myself. I felt so silly and ugly, and young, compared to most of my friends. I thought they just had something I didn't.

But.... tonight, and I know this sounds pathetic... Those same boys, are sending me messages on facebook asking me how I am, trying to make little 'in' jokes from school, trying to CHAT ME UP. Because I did good things, I worked hard, I left that town, I went to university, I grew up. And now, yes, 10 years too late, but still, they actually fancy me! And I couldn't be less interested. Because I left, and did things, and saw the world, and met a boy who actually liked me, for me, and not because I was a bit easy, or cocky, or whatever.

I don't mean any disrespect to anyone with this, it just feels like one of those tiny little victories that I wish my 15 year old self knew would happen.

Woooo for being one of the nice ones, for ONCE!

[DirtyDeedsD0neDirtCheap]

OP I was the same, quiet and shy at school and a bit of a geek

lets just say I blossomed once I got past about 18

so this happened to me about ten years ago when I joined fb

your self esteem shouldn't be based on people fancying you but lets be honest, it makes you feel good when the boys that wouldn't look twice at you at school fancy you now. and you wouldn't touch them with a barge pole

[Gymbob]

come again? don't worry the helmet is fastened

[Esmeismyhero]

[Gymbob]

not everyone suffered personal traumas as teens. sorry for those who did. I wouldn't class my experience as a personal trauma, they were just horrid, horrid teenage years.

anyway carry on

[Mamiof3]

No gymbob sorry but you do not sound like a very nice person

Actually I think a lot of people shared very personal traumas on here to try and maybe explain why they behaved the way they did as a teen. And got totally ignored or told they were 'missing the point' or even worse shouted at because OP is a beautiful butterfly (cringe).

[Gymbob]

it's ok Esme, I'm sat here with my crash helmet on and don't care what you think, ok?

[Esmeismyhero]

fromparis I got a lot of PA meanness from her op.

She didn't sleep around! Well done? And gymbob you are not nice at all

[Fromparistoberlin73]

teenage years are----interesting

I was actually was too promiscuous as stupidly thought that shagging boys would boost my confidence and popularity. HA! took a me good decade, a failed suicide attempt and a rather large therapy bill to realise I was wrong.

I just hate the fact that someone with fragile self confidence feels even shittier after misguidedly posting


OP has unregistered as my PM to her came back


anyway I hope the people who write catty posts even after she clearly showed she was upset are proud of themselves


making a complete stranger feel shit, such a worthy pastime- bravo

[Esmeismyhero]

I was a well liked girl at school, I was promiscuous but I was always kind. I would stick up for people if I saw them being bullied and I wouldn't think twice about asking someone shy if I could sit with them at lunch.

I didn't care what you looked like, where you came from, if you were a nice person I would be your friend.

I did have everyone saying hello to me in the halls and I was never picked on because I hung out with people others didn't like or understand.

One instance a "popular" boy started being mean to my little sister (she was painfully shy and admittedly didn't wash lol) I jumped right to her defense and the wanker boy didn't even know it was my sister.

I am now the same now I'm older with dc, I talk to everyone at the school gates and in social groups. I think the whole "popular" crowd is the wrong term because they are not popular, people who are popular are liked by all, are kind etc.

I'm trying hard to articulate what I'm thinking but it's hard because I need more coffee lol.

I the op to be honest, just because someone didn't fancy you at school doesn't make them a loser now because they find you attractive as an adult.

I was very athletic, blonde, trim, leggy when I was a teen but now I weight 19 stone and look crap. BUT I'm still a nice person so there you go.

[Mehitabel6]

Not really netty - fairly standard. OP's big mistake was not knowing what AIBU is like. Except for odd exceptions it sets you up for massive response of YABU.

[Nettymaniaa]

This is a strange thread.

[ToGrapefruit]

OP, if you read this, and I hope you do, please don't leave. You've made a post on mumsnet, on AIBU no less, and it's got lots of really thought provoking responses.

Whether or not I (or anyone) can identify with your OP (I sort of can, and sort of can't), that doesn't matter. You've created an interesting thread.

I once started a thread on AIBU, under a previous name, and had lots of responses that were agreeing with me, but probably as many or more that disagreed strongly with my viewpoint and some that I found very hard to read! Some accused me of being ridiculous, over the top, oversensitive and all kinds of negative stuff. But it was interesting. Genuinely. And challenging. And actually, really helped me see that I'm often too sensitive and dependent on people pleasing for my own good.

FWIW, relating to your posts- I'm so much fatter (like, loads fatter) than I was at school. I wasn't popular there. I'm not now. I'm not especially happy at the way my life is right now. But I still wish I could say something to my 15 year old self-

'You are fine. You are beautiful. And worthy of love and respect. And the same will still be true in 25 odd years too, even if you're fat, still not conventionally attractive and not popular. Because you, and everyone, is unique and beautiful. Even if they're fat/ people think they're ugly.'

Because if I'd tried to start loving myself more at 15, I'd probably find it easier now.

[LondonRocks]

It's funny - the advice often trotted out on MN is that the best revenge is living well, but if you do do that, well, MN will sweep your legs from under you!

[Gymbob]

I was the one way back in this thread who supported the op, and went to the school reunion. I knew I would get slated. don't care. what a load of bullies you are.

I was bullied at school. desperate to fit in. self esteem non existent. I went to a reunion 30 years later. I didn't go to gloat ffs. I went to see my best friend from school, and a couple of others who had moved away. it was great to see them, but of course I knew the bullies would be there.

I finally felt at ease. no stress, they couldn't hurt me, and wouldn't shove me around like they did. some of them didn't talk to me, but I knew they had seen me. the only ammunition i had were my looks. one of the bullies who was very overweight, did come over and look me up and down. then said " I never liked you anyway! ". I knew what she meant and that she was serious, but just laughed it off. I've not forgotten that either, but I remember that in a wholely different way, and feel sympathy for her. she was THE girl to be with at school. she sent me a friend request on fb a while ago but i ignored it.

there is nothing wrong with my self esteem now, I am a professional working with children. but being bullied at school can have life long consequences, and I still remember the horror of having to go to school every day, when i felt like the ugliest girl in the world. I make no apologies for my previous post.

[whatdidthefoxsay]

I've read the first 20 or so replies. I don't want to read anymore but I totally know where you are coming from. I was under the radar at school, only blossoming in my early 20s. It took a long time for me to gain my own confidence and I still wobble now in my 40s. I'm glad for you and I do understand what you meant

[JohnCusacksWife]

Ill, obviously....

[JohnCusacksWife]

...or for that matter where she wishes I'll on anyone?

[JohnCusacksWife]

Brillo, can you show me where the OP said the girls were bullies?

[southeastastra]

dear mn op

do not post on aibu

it attracts a certain type of twat

sea xxx

[IHaveBrilloHair]

Oh I think I did understand the OP.
What I understood is that she hasn't moved on, and hasn't accepted that the girls she thought of as bullies were perhaps not, and even hurting themselves.
How does a hurting teen ask for help?
As I said, I have a teen, I drill her on how to be nice/decent/friendly etc, but as an adult, I don't expect her to behave as anything other than a teenager.
Wishing Ill, or being gleeful about it is not something I would encourage.
The op thinks this is OK, I don't, and I think it means she hasn't moved on.

[stayanotherday]

I understood the OP and some posters have been lovely. As usual, some love to pick the holes in every word and twist things. It must be wonderful to be so perfect. I wonder how some of you manage to get on with anybody, maybe you don't. Have a good look at yourselves first before being mean to others. Good luck OP.

[maddening]

Op -good on you - am sure a lot of us would love to give our younger selves a message of hope/support/encouragement/advice or to say let go of the crap we feel held us back from enjoying our teens.

[Timetodrive]

Just because she has left the thread does not mean she has not continued to read, for a period this thread became pretty servere even after she apologised. Unfortunately for me my maiden name rhymes with frigid and being too ugly for a boyfriend at secondary, I would find some pleasure in having the same boys flirt. Although it was never the boys who called me "frigid " that came from the girls.

[Mehitabel6]

She apologised profusely last night, she didn't mean it the way it came across. The worst of the replies came after that. I don't know what else she could have done, having apologised. Probably those people didn't read the thread and so never knew that she had apologised.

[AvaCrowder]

questioningstuff I could have posted your post almost word for word. I wish I hadn't been such a desirable teen. And then a difficult one. I hoe that you are alright now.

Justmeokay don't go! I first posted in a less robust topic and got flamed, namechanged, and have got a lot out of mn over the years.