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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to tell all the nice little shy girls at school...

191 replies

justmeokay · 29/07/2015 22:01

I was NEVER looked at by the boys... I was so shy, quiet, embarrassed of myself. I felt so silly and ugly, and young, compared to most of my friends. I thought they just had something I didn't.

But.... tonight, and I know this sounds pathetic... Those same boys, are sending me messages on facebook asking me how I am, trying to make little 'in' jokes from school, trying to CHAT ME UP. Because I did good things, I worked hard, I left that town, I went to university, I grew up. And now, yes, 10 years too late, but still, they actually fancy me! And I couldn't be less interested. Because I left, and did things, and saw the world, and met a boy who actually liked me, for me, and not because I was a bit easy, or cocky, or whatever.

I don't mean any disrespect to anyone with this, it just feels like one of those tiny little victories that I wish my 15 year old self knew would happen.

Woooo for being one of the nice ones, for ONCE!

OP posts:

Mehitabel6 · 30/07/2015 19:00

She was feeling all happy with her life- made the mistake of thinking it might help other people with children in their teenage years - I can only imagine how she must feel now, but not good. It was cruel and unfair.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 30/07/2015 19:08

Oh come on. First of all, this is a parenting site - not exactly going to reach the shy teen audience is it. Secondly, there was an element of the judgemental in the opening post, perhaps unintentionally but it was still there when referring to other teen girls as 'easy'. Not a fair word to use on anyone really. Plus, the op became very defensive, 'I'm leaving this site', after what? The second odd post? Most posts on AIBU require a slightly thicker skin, but even those who get torn to shreds usually wait a few pages before declaring they are done with this place. She could have just rephrased her original meaning to sound a little less smug and a bit more 'it doesn't matter how shit it seems, it can work out down the line kids! ".

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 30/07/2015 19:18

I get you OP.

Sorry you've had to leave mn .

Mehitabel6 · 30/07/2015 19:19

It was going to reach the parents of shy teenagers- they often post because they are worried.
I love the way bullies always justify their actions!

Baffledmumtoday · 30/07/2015 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mehitabel6 · 30/07/2015 19:21

Whether you think it smug or not, or whatever you think of it, there are nicer ways of putting it.
She didn't mean to be smug.
She just made herself a sitting target for people to be nasty- and then justify the nastiness.

Mehitabel6 · 30/07/2015 19:25

AIBU is very unpleasant. I wouldn't even start a thread about the weather on there. The most uncontroversial subjects go off in very strange tangents that you would never imagine. You can't know this as a newcomer. You can't really know it until you experience it. I made the mistake once and when it went all haywire I asked MNHQ to delete it but they wouldn't.

StarsInTheNightSky · 30/07/2015 19:28

The OP's posts came across as gloating and smug. Anyone who feels the need to gloat (almost without exception) needs to work on their self esteem as comparing yourself to others isn't healthy. Gloating is vile anyway, you never know what other people have been through, why on earth would someone else's misfortune (even if its just your perceived decline of their physical appearance) make you pleased? How could that ever make you feel good about yourself?

Perspective21 · 30/07/2015 19:30

Just for Worra if you are still reading... I had a lovely friend, sounds very like your son, I gave him the love you as a friend speech at 18 years of age! By nineteen, we were together and still are now and very happily married with 3 children. We are now 46 and met at 6th form!

Mehitabel6 · 30/07/2015 19:34

I find it completely incongruous that people expect their children not to bully and then they do it online and manage to justify it.
The majority opinion seems to be that the victim brought it upon herself! Quite astounding on a parenting website.
I think that would go down well in schools ' we were not bullying- she deserved it'

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 30/07/2015 19:35

The Ops posts come across as anything but smug and gloating. You can feel the hurt she felt growing up from her posts.

And then a number of people feel the need to have a go at her. Nice.

Mehitabel6 · 30/07/2015 19:37

What comes across is the smug and gloating people who thought 'let's take her down a peg or two- and kick her back to where she was as a teenager'.

Mehitabel6 · 30/07/2015 19:38

You can feel the hurt. I messaged her to give a bit of support for the undeserved responses, but I think she has just gone.

JohnCusacksWife · 30/07/2015 19:39

Stars, where did the OP make any reference to anyone's physical appearance or their misfortunes? You're confusing her with another poster.

FortyCoats · 30/07/2015 19:41

I often imagine the most awful horrors on my uncle who physically, emotionally and mentally abused my aunt and cousins and later physically assaulted me after he had terrified my very young dd.

I don't feel one bit bad about it. I feel great about myself. S'pose we're all different

I look forward to hearing he's had a terrible accident so I can visit him in hospital and tell him I'm glad. Karma never forgets a fucker like him! Ah well.

StarsInTheNightSky · 30/07/2015 19:42

John that part of my post wasn't specifically to the OP, but as you say, to the other poster(s). As for the misfortunes, my comments stand, if comparing yourself to others in such a manner is what makes you feel good, then you need to work on your self esteem.

ladymariner · 30/07/2015 19:44

What comes across is the smug and gloating people who thought 'let's take her down a peg or two- and kick her back to where she was as a teenager'.

^ THIS!

What a horrible thread. The op clearly didn't mean anything nasty by her first post, yet some of you couldn't wait to twist her words and get stuck into her as if she had some sort of hidden agenda. It was nothing short of bullying, and some of you should be ashamed of yourselves for how you've made her feel. You haven't helped, you have just stuck the boot in.

clicketyclick66 · 30/07/2015 19:45

There's some bitches on mumsnet. There was no need for some of the abuse at the beginning of this thread that upset the OP and made her leave the thread.

Mehitabel6 · 30/07/2015 19:48

The most sickening part is that having had it pointed out as bullying they justify it because she 'deserved it'. You wouldn't want your children to be bullied like that and it is certainly a typical bully tactic to place the blame on the victim.

IHaveBrilloHair · 30/07/2015 19:49

I was pretty and popular and had many boyfriends, was in the 'in crowd'.
I lived in a lovely home, much bigger and nicer than lots of people, plenty of pocket money and the latest clothes.

I was miserable, my group of "friends", were always leaving someone out, we treated each other terribly, my parents had no idea what hugs for the sake of it were.

Teenagers may appear to be one thing, and I know many were jealous of me, I was jealous of them.

I have a teen dd now and am so aware of this.

Mehitabel6 · 30/07/2015 19:49

I think she has left MN rather than just the thread. She certainly got the 'nest of vipers'.

JohnCusacksWife · 30/07/2015 19:50

Whatever. My self esteem's fine but once, years after school, I had the opportunity to knock back a guy who I really liked at school but who wouldn't have looked at me twice then because I wasn't cool enough. It felt great! If that makes me a bad person I really couldn't care less.

ahbollocks · 30/07/2015 19:53

Ahhhhh the sweet pleasure of knocking back someone who called you names in high school.
Nothing quite like it.

Gutted I've wandered on to this thread too late to agree with the op

limitedperiodonly · 30/07/2015 20:01

I'm posting

Still makes me cry OP.

Good on you

limitedperiodonly · 30/07/2015 20:03

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