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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell MIL she can't stay over for DS's birthday?

210 replies

BasinHaircut · 28/07/2015 08:22

MN must think that I don't like my MIL because I moan about her quite a lot but I really do, she is just a bit much sometimes!

Anyway, in a couple of weeks it is DS' birthday on a Monday. We are having a party on the Sunday and she usually comes down to us on a Monday as she stays and looks after DS on Tuesday's while we are at work.

So yesterday she tells me she is going to stay on the Sunday as it's not worth her going home and coming back (an hour away).

The thing is, We had planned a nice day just the three of us on DS' birthday. last year we ended up having DH's sister as an overnight guest the night before his birthday and MIL round at what felt like first light.

MIL wi quite frankly ruin the day for me if she is there on DS' birthday again. She is a bit over-bearing both in general and especially when it comes to DS and doesn't really appreciate boundaries.

She does have the option to stay elsewhere locally on the night of the party but I know she will sulk if we tell her she can't stay. And TBH it does seem a bit mean but I can't help. It think for once I'd like to put my own feelings first.

OP posts:
Bellebella · 28/07/2015 08:34

Of course it makes sense for her to stay. There is no point for her to go home on the Sunday night to then return the next day to look after your ds.

Sorry op but on this instance YABU

FuzzyWizard · 28/07/2015 08:35

If you need childcare on Tuesday then YABU. There's no nice way to explain that you don't want her there as logistically it makes perfect sense. If I was your MIL I'd be quite upset I think and certainly wouldn't be travelling back on Monday evening/Tuesday morning.

2rebecca · 28/07/2015 08:36

I think if you didn't want her on the Tuesday you shouldn't have invited her to the Sunday party

hedgehogsdontbite · 28/07/2015 08:36

Sorry but I think YABU too.

magimedi · 28/07/2015 08:36

So MIL is fine for, presumably free, childcare but not OK to spend an extra day?

If I was your MIL & you intimated that to me or said I couldn't stay on the Monday I'd be seriously considering if I'd still do the Tuesdays.

And that's putting it politely.

2rebecca · 28/07/2015 08:37

Meant on the Monday. A 1hour drive each way is a lot

Goshthatsspicy · 28/07/2015 08:38

YABU- very
Try not to do this. I think the repercussions will live on forever.

Baddz · 28/07/2015 08:39

Wow.
Yabu.
So she isn't overbearing when she is providing free childcare?
Hmm

Anniegetyourgun · 28/07/2015 08:40

But but but, she's going to be there for a whole three days and only lives an hour away! I've had daily commutes longer than that.

IsItMeOr · 28/07/2015 08:40

While I understand where you're coming from, YABU.

BertrandRussell · 28/07/2015 08:40

"I normally side against ILs as I despise my own FIL so am usually not very objective...."

Wow.

Stubbed · 28/07/2015 08:40

You are being mean I think. Man up and stand up to her when she's over bearing. You can't send her home. I'd be amazed if she provides free childcare again after that.

lilacblossomtime · 28/07/2015 08:43

I agree with the others, but I think you could arrange a nice family day for ds some time soon. I am sure he would like an extra birthday treat.

BertrandRussell · 28/07/2015 08:43

"But but but, she's going to be there for a whole three days and only lives an hour away! I've had daily commutes longer than that."

And if she was an employee then maybe the comparison to a commute might be relevant........!

Anniegetyourgun · 28/07/2015 08:43

Also everyone keeps saying "free" childcare, I assume it is but the OP didn't actually say so.

thunderbird69 · 28/07/2015 08:44

What do you actually have planned for Monday?

Really would make more sense if you had the day with just the 3 of you on the Sunday and then the party on the Monday, when the MIL will be there anyhow.

diddl · 28/07/2015 08:45

Well if it is only an hour away then I don't see why she needs to stay tbh.

But it's about what's easiest for her really if she's doing the travlling for your convenience.

Presumambly it's not just a kids party on the Sunday & you have invited her?

Could you put her off that & have your day the three of you on Monday & MIL arrive arl vening for birthday tea & cake?

Anniegetyourgun · 28/07/2015 08:45

And if she were an employee she wouldn't get bed and board the night before. I just don't see an hour's drive, or an hour sitting on a train, as necessarily a big deal. Depends on a lot of things.

MidniteScribbler · 28/07/2015 08:46

She shouldn't have even had to ask, common sense dictates that she stays the extra night.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 28/07/2015 08:46

You are being unreasonable, it's really not on to send her packing and then expect her to come back again the next day to help you out.

BertrandRussell · 28/07/2015 08:48

"Bed and board"

I've heard it all now.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 28/07/2015 08:48

Yeah but if it's an hour each way then you are asking her to spend four hours travelling when she could just do two. I don't think you can compare it to commuting for work, it's doing them a favour, not being employed.

GeorgeYeatsAutomaticWriter · 28/07/2015 08:48

If she were an employee, she'd be getting paid. Some of which might cover her travel costs.

BertrandRussell · 28/07/2015 08:49

Of course you can't compare it to work- it's a grandmother coming to her grandchild's birthday party! Jesus wept!

Goshthatsspicy · 28/07/2015 08:52

Also this: l'd like to put my own feelings first for once

Even if you hurt her feelings in the process?

It can't be easy being a MIL, especially when seen as a dispensable spare part.

What does her son say?