to feel shit about renting at 30?

[ScaredBUTstrong]

Been renting since I was 18, no way of ever saving for a deposit and all money was going in rent.
Husband similar position, I left my career after having our child and got £15000 redundancy however used it to keep me at home for the last few years and have now gone back to work as he starts school this year but we will never be able to save for a mortgage.
Rents are £1000 for a 2 bed here ( Horsham West Sussex ) and they are bloody hard to get, everyone's going after the same houses you get rejected for bad credit which I'm paying off lots of landlords don't want kids etc.
feels like my sons childhood has and will be spent with a whole load of uncertainty and worry.
Feeling like I've let him down.

I'm 26 and will be renting at 30. My house is gorgeous. Mortgages don't really mean you own the house unless you pay it off. If you want to you can move quickly and easily when you rent. If your boiler goes or fence blows down your landlord has to sort it, not you. My daughters were born in rented houses.

We'd never be able to save for a deposit, but house owning isn't the be all and end all.

Yabu.
I know people who sell their properties and go renting. Because they can get up and leave as soon as they have something better. Have their landlords take care of shit like maintenance and repairs. When you own, you're tied down to the place.

Oh and housing benefit doesn't help if you have a mortgage - well not much. My whole rent was paid by housing benefit when ex left.

Housing benefit is a benefit however not one that helps us currently.
Our joint income is £2250 a month and our rent is £1000 a month, it would be £1200 or a 3 bed here ( which we will need soon as due a baby ) so at some point we will be paying more than Half of our wages out in rent with fuck all to show for it at the end.
It's so unstable for children, we've had to move with 2 months notice 3 times in his 5 years of life.
I think it's absolutely shit.

I'm 36 and DH is 42 and we're renting. Don't think there's any shame in it at all in the current climate! It means we can live in a nice area near good schools/facilities where we wouldn't be able to afford to buy in a million years. We've made our peace with the fact we'll never be able to afford to buy. High levels of home ownership is a relatively recent phenomenon.

...although we are VERY fortunate in that we've been in the same rental property for over 10 years.

The only thing that pisses me off is not being able to decorate, etc. as we'd like.

My parents didn't own a home until I was 12 (I have 3 younger siblings) and I can honestly say it never affected my childhood adversely, so please don't worry about the affect on your DCs. Children are incredibly resilient!

Don't feel bad, I think the ave. age for first time buyers is 37 (without parental help.)

Have you looked into shared ownership? I think that's the only way we're going to manage to be able to buy a flat or house.

Stella is right. ALL of my peers who own their own homes had financial help from parents. It's not an option for everyone, so don't beat yourself up- it's circumstance's fault, not yours.

I only bought, in my own name, at 41. God it was sweet. I had despaired in the past.

But each month you've got a roof over your head to show for it?

I don't think you should feel bad. But if you are paying £1K a month rent you should be able to buy something with around that amount to repay. But I expect it's the deposit that's the problem. The only younger people I know around 30 who have bought a house have done it with savings and two wages and no children. And that's only a couple of people. I doubt little children worry about whether or not the house they live in is rented. In fact they don't.

I bought at 30, with the help of a legacy.

There are upsides and downsides to renting. I have the neighbours from hell above me, a btl flat with stripped floorboards and the ability to hear a pindrop in the upstairs apartment.

I have not had a decent's night sleep in 6 years except when the occupants are away on holiday or in between lets.

Selling at the moment is not really an option as the flat is not worth as much as it was 6 years ago and I can't afford to take a loss.

Had I been renting, I would have moved out long ago.

Kids love moving! Hell I love moving. I used to move house around once a year but hoping to stay put where we are now :)

At 30 we bought our first place. Sold it. At 34 put all available down payment (from profit) in to new house abroad. At 40 lost it in dreadful economic downturn. At 43 & 56 we now rent again - it's bliss! I appreciate that we are lucky to have a social tenancy though. Try not to think about it anymore. If you can't change it, what is the point?

feels like my sons childhood has and will be spent with a whole load of uncertainty and worry.

Whose worry? His or yours?

It never entered my head as a child to wonder about the status of my - or any of my friends - home. It was "our" home: we lived in it, I loved it, I felt safe there, it was my home. I was happy.

For your little boy, home is where mummy and daddy and his friends are. That is the only thing of substance to a young child.

What you are describing are adult problems. If you need to leave your rented accommodation and find a new rental in the future, you can cross that bridge when you come to it. But you won't have let your son down if it happens.

I sometimes feel that way. I don't think we will ever buy our own home, no deposit or means to save for one, not great credit history. More so now I have children as I feel sad that I won't have a house to 'leave' to them when anything happens to me. But we live in a beautiful housing association house, we don't have to worry should anything break/go wrong, repairs are always done quickly all we need to do is make a phone call, we can decorate etc as we please and I know my children have a secure home to grow up in. I know how lucky I am but do wish things were different sometimes!

It's so unstable for children, we've had to move with 2 months notice 3 times in his 5 years of life.

I moved 8 or 9 times as a child. It didn't get shit until the penultimate move (which involved change of country) when I was 14.

Have you looked at help to buy schemes? Also Horsham is v expensive, maybe down the road in Crawley you could rent for less? Trouble is it's hard to make a dent in savings when you need a £50/60k deposit. Do look at help to buy, shared ownership, new build deals on a deposit.

30 isn't that old but, and it's a big but, most people I know try to sort out house purchases before children because it's bloody impossible with childcare or one wage to save a deposit (you'd need to save £1k a month to get your deposit in 4 years!) I may be unusual but I don't know anyone who has had help who a deposit.

I am 44 & didn't buy a house until I was 32; this was when houses were much cheaper too. Renting never bothered me at all. I was never fussed about buying a house. Owning your own home is a peculiarly British thing & a recent thing too.

In your op you state that you had £15,000 but used it to stay at home with your son. You can't have everything.

I think we will probably scrape together a deposit to buy around age 31. But we are self employed; so who knows what they'll even give us?

I'll know we've tried, and if they won't give us enough then I suppose we will just carry on renting and apply for housing association when the time comes. There are worse things.

Besides, if you get ill or need care when you're older then you're not keeping that lovely house!

luckily i'm in council rented accommodation, but i waited 3 and half years on the list to get it, as i work with children and its not a well paid job!
i moved here in 2004, so will have been here 11 years in august, i've always had 2 jobs but still on a very income, unfortunately i have been made redundant from one of those jobs and haven't managed to find another one yet and may well have to go to the benefits office, council tax and housing benefits office in September to see whether i am eligible for any top up benefits! otherwise i will just have to cut down on things like internet, sky and food instead!!

yes, location is key. I used to live in surrey. Where I live now, my house would be worth about an 8th of what my x's would be worth, but mine is not that much smaller.

My advice is to save a bit every single month, no matter how small the amount. Once it grows, it gets easier to resist treats. I bought on my own, in my early forties! something I never thought I'd be able to do, so I do get it.

Seconding the sentiment that 30 is not old! I could understand your agitation if you were forty.

Having just looked for a new house to rent in Horsham and surrounding areas, I think you are underestimating prices. We have a detached 3 bed that is very cheap considering (for both horsham and crawley). It's more than your estimate of 3 bed houses.

I love renting. So much less hassle that owning (been there, done that). Just knowing if the boiler packs up you just call someone and its sorted not have to live in a freezing flat as you don't have the disposable income to afford repairs as everything you have goes into buying that flat.

Btw dh and I are 38. Been renting for 6 years now after buying. Never again.

I didn't buy till I was 30 and borrowed the deposit. Is that an option? Or shared ownership?

It might be shit but you did have the choice of how to use the redundancy money.