to feel shit about renting at 30?

[ScaredBUTstrong]

Been renting since I was 18, no way of ever saving for a deposit and all money was going in rent.
Husband similar position, I left my career after having our child and got £15000 redundancy however used it to keep me at home for the last few years and have now gone back to work as he starts school this year but we will never be able to save for a mortgage.
Rents are £1000 for a 2 bed here ( Horsham West Sussex ) and they are bloody hard to get, everyone's going after the same houses you get rejected for bad credit which I'm paying off lots of landlords don't want kids etc.
feels like my sons childhood has and will be spent with a whole load of uncertainty and worry.
Feeling like I've let him down.

I'm 46 and have rented all my life.

I do have savings, but it won't be enough for a deposit on a house and I'd need 3 beds min because I have two kids of either gender - can't expect them to share when they reach teen age.

Let alone the fact my wages wouldn't cover a mortgage as a lone parent!

I've moved house 43 times since birth (not even a forces family so I don't have that excuse), mostly it was in my 20s living with owner-occupiers who then got a new partner and wanted me out, or they were back up to scratch on their mortage repayments and thankyou very much tenant for helping me to cover my repayments these last 6 months now canyou move out please or house sharing and having my stuff stolen or too much partying by other tenants so I had no choice but to move out, and so on. My ex delights in this appalling number of moves using it as fodder against me, but it's people don't realise they weren't out of choice, I mostly lived in a highly transient west country town where I moved where the work took me even if it was from one side of town to the other because I didn't have transport, or I moved where my ex's work or inclination took them.

I average a move every 3 years now. My eldest has lived at 5 addresses so far - she's just turned 8.
And since my DV ex has now published my address online claiming how clever he is to have found out where I live, I now want to move again. I don't want the kids he hasn't seen in 4 years witnessing tension and probable harassment right on their doorstep. He has form for sitting outside my previous homes in his car, confronting me when I leave the house.

I dream of winning the lottery and buying a modest house on a family estate and staying there forever. Somewhere the kids can look back on nostalgically and say, 'that's where I grew up'. It's never going to happen and that's a cause of immense grief and guilt for me.

Anyway, I read once that renting is a sign of a healthy economy, I think it mentioned the German housing market in particular. British are fairly uniquely obsessed with home ownership aren't they?

It wasn't all roses in the past. Interest rates were 13% when I bought my first house.

How long were they 13% for and when?

I bought my first property in 1985.

www.bankofengland.co.uk/boeapps/iadb/repo.asp

Years ago I couldn't even get a mortgage on my wages as a teacher, so the amount of deposit was irrelevant anyway. Then when there was a slump, we pounced and bought a house for £37,000 from a woman who'd paid £47,000 for it just a couple of years earlier... But messy break up, etc left me renting and with a new partner who somehow held onto his property, then I couldn't work as I couldn't afford the childcare which would have been most of my wages, and he wouldn't help and the DSS made me spend down my profit from the house sale til I had nothing left.

During that time I got a council house, and in a nice area. Evetually got back with my original husband but all our oney from the house sale had been wiped out and here we are in our 50s, renting and no prospect of doing otherwise. A modest inheritance I ay have got will now go on nursing home fees for a step-parent, and I will never see a penny of the equity my long dead mother put into the home I grew up in because it went to my father's second wife.

I hate paying rent but will now somehow be having to find when I'm a pensioner, unless one of my sons buys a huge house and gives me a granny flat! I feel incredibly sad. My parents bought a house, a stack of outhouses, and an acre of land for £1000 in 1957. Their back garden was sold off eventually to build a housing estate but I never got to see a penny of that, either and now never will. My oldest son could easily buy - but he has no intention of doing so, at the moment. He is waiting for the next crash then will pounce. It all seems to be about luck to me. At the moment it's my dream to have enough £ to one day get a canal boat and live on that. Huge insurance and mooring fees but at least I would own it. And when my kids grow up and leave home we will be pressurised to leave this house which has been a very happy home for 14 years, that we have loved.

Growing up, my mum had this huge house and massive garden and my aunty had a council house. I never, ever thought of my cousins' home as not their's. Now we have this culture that stigmatises affordable housing as 'social' and emphasises that it isn't a family home but a shell to be kicked out of when you are underoccupying. It's about the underlying culture, as well, not just economics.

Houses are much cheaper in other parts of the country. I currently live in a semi detached 4 bedrooms house which is worth about £200k, much cheaper than in the South East. If home ownership is your goal, would you consider moving further north? You'll get much more for your money!

Must admit joffrey I've thought about buying a barge before, but I grew up next to a canal and I don't have any memories other than dank, mildewed, floating flea-fests.

That and being reluctant to live aboard something less than 6ftwide so that I can stretch out both arms and touch both sides of my home at once I'll save that experience for the coffin.

Yes, I remember paying 12% interest rates when we first bought. It was very expensive even with prices in those days and prices were at least double (!!!) even 30 years ago when we moved from the North to SE to very outer London (couldn't afford anywhere close to work of course then as much as now).

What I am trying to encourage with my children is buy as young as they possibly can even if it means no holidays and even if it is a rather grotty place and before they have responsibilities and children.

Yes, the Bank of England base rate was 12% in the 80's. The actual rate that people were paying was anything up to 17.5%. There was a huge amount of repossessions and many many people were in negative equity for a very long time (despite having put deposits down because 10% deposit was the norm). It was not a happy time in the world of property back then. In some ways it was worse than it is now and the renters were better off than mortgage payers and were probably counting their lucky stars that they hadn't bought a property with a mortgage.

www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1305609/Interest-rates-8--This-nightmare-come-true.html

Sorry for it being a daily mail link but it does give a laymans description of what happened in the 80's.

What does feeling shit achieve? Either do something about it or accept it.

A lot of people are saying things like 'even if we have to go without holidays' and 'I managed to save by going without things like holidays'...what kind of lifestyle do you think people who can't afford to save deposits are living? Jetting off to the Carribbean every other week!? Skiing in Aspen? The last holiday I had was a long weekend in Iceland 2 years ago and it cost about £300...

The fact is, rentals cost so much that there's not much left for anything else, let alone saving!

YANBU to feel sad about it OP. Renting in the uk is full of insecurity and it's so expensive. The reasons are complex, but what we really need is for renting to return to being a cheaper alternative to buying and one that offers stable, long-term tenancies. When my GPs were around, they all grew up in council houses. Back in those days, there was no stigma attached to it - in fact all my GPs had good jobs - it was simply that the council acted as a major landlord back then, as indeed they also acted as mortgage lenders in some cases. I think we need a return to that.

I have a mortgage. Even controlling for my deposit, I pay half what someone could expect to pay to rent the same property. That's not right.

All that said, if you can't change it on a personal level, the only thing you can do is join in campaigns to change it and attempt to make the best of it. You can control to some extent by choosing a property in an area where it is likely you will be able to choose another rental property should the one you're in become unavailable. At least then jobs, schools and social circles won't be affected if you have to move, and as far as DC are concerned that is a large part of their stability. The actual four walls can change and be an adventure.

Skeppers, yes I know. Many graduates in London do things like sleep on floors on friends' sofas or camp out at their parents' place so they spend very little. I also sent my children links to companies where you get accommodation almost free in places like fire stations and empty properties in London as those companies want housesitters against squatters. I am not saying on the minimum wage diong that will mean people can buy a £200k flat in outer London or Luton but those in reasonable jobs do manage through those sorts of means and with both in a couple working full time and buying before babies come along.

I do appreciate it's all very circumstantial. I didn't fall easily and conveniently straight from Uni into a job, into a couple, so I have to manage with the cards I've been dealt. At nearly 40 I think that my sofa-surfing days are behind me!

Didn't really find my feet financially/relationship wise (and you're right, it's much easier when you're in a couple) until relatively late and had to basically make the decision between renting for the foreseeable future or potentially never having children. I decided that I'd regret not having a child more than not owning a house so I have made my peace with renting! Still doesn't mean I can't moan about not being able to decorate, etc. every now and then.

Well renting just became more attractive due to the very hushed up changes that have been announced for support with mortgage interest should a mortgage payer become unemployed.
From 2017 people will have to wait 39 weeks to get help with the interest in their mortgages (the waiting period is currently 13 weeks) and any help that they receive will be in the form of a loan which has to be repaid if they sell the house at any time in the future. I can understand that help with capital repayments would be in the form if a loan but I really can't see why interest help would be in the form of a loan. Help with rent never has to be repaid.
It's no wonder this govt us keen on RTB and having more people become home owners as it is a back door to reducing housing benefit / financial help for the unemployed.

30 is no age at all. You have every chance of turning it all around. YABU.

I just got a 95% mortgage. They are still about.

We searched everywhere and were told on our joint income of £40,000 as I was on maternity leave but would be the same if returned part time with childcare etc we needed £30,000 to buy a property worth £200,000.
We did try. But that money is gone now anyway.

scared the probable reason you needed a £30k deposit is because you wanted to buy a £200k house and on your household income (of £40k) was only eligible for maximum borrowing of £170k. If you had been prepared to buy a cheaper property (which might have meant moving further afield and commuting to work) you would have needed a smaller deposit. I don't blame the bank for only offering you £170k of borrowing as that is a huge sum for a household with income of £40k and a child to feed, if interest rates had risen you might have struggled if you had borrowed more.

To add: when I got my first mortgage a household income of £40k would have given maximum borrowing of £120k (3 times income).

Omg you blew £15k!!! and ran up debts and are due a £50k inheritance in the next few years yet you are pleasing poverty.

Some people just dont know how bloody lucky they are!!!

At 29 I couldn't even afford rent on my own and lived for 2 years at my mums with a baby. I left an abusive relationship with clothes for the baby and whatever else would fit in the back of my brothers car.

It took me two years to build up enough money for the bond, furniture, first months rent and have enough time in a job to pass referencing. I then lived in a freezing cold property with damp and 4 inch of standing water in the cellar for 8 years before I got my beautiful ha house.

You obviously do have choices. You could chose to live in a less expensive area to start with. I had to live where I could afford to live. If you are so desperate to buy then my old house is on the market for 85k. You could nearly buy that outright with your 50k.

We have all had to make the same choices as you ie what job/career, where to live, lifestyle, when to get married/live together, when to have children, whether to stay at home or go back to work, whether to have another child or not.

I lived in London but when I wanted to buy a property I moved 250 miles away or I would still be renting.

I built up my career and started saving (never earnt big money) and met my exh later in life.

I had children and went back to work for several years. I had childcare costs and it was bloody hard.

But I am in a better financial position than if I had made your choices.

And I never had £15k and I won't have an inheritance.

From what you say, one day you will be able to buy because you will have £50k.

I am sure you weighed up all the choices when deciding where to live, when to have children, how many children you wanted and whether or not to go back to work.

Of course, those paying 17.5% for a wee while in the 80s were paying it on properties that were much, much more affordable in real terms as a multiple of average incomes than they are now. Interest rates high, mortgages low.