to feel shit about renting at 30?

[ScaredBUTstrong]

Been renting since I was 18, no way of ever saving for a deposit and all money was going in rent.
Husband similar position, I left my career after having our child and got £15000 redundancy however used it to keep me at home for the last few years and have now gone back to work as he starts school this year but we will never be able to save for a mortgage.
Rents are £1000 for a 2 bed here ( Horsham West Sussex ) and they are bloody hard to get, everyone's going after the same houses you get rejected for bad credit which I'm paying off lots of landlords don't want kids etc.
feels like my sons childhood has and will be spent with a whole load of uncertainty and worry.
Feeling like I've let him down.

Yanbu to feel insecure and frustrated about the state of private renting in the UK but yabu to link it to your age or feel like it's a stage you 'should' have passed
Renting is the norm for increasing numbers of 30s and people with families and that's just the way it is. If you have fairly low wages and high rents, with no family money, buying is pretty impossible.

In your op you state that you had £15,000 but used it to stay at home with your son. You can't have everything.

That was also my first thought when I read the OP. It's a case of priorities and staying at home for a few years was your priority whereas somebody else would have used that money to kick start a house saving fund if their priority was home ownership.
Lots of people get help from family with deposits but lots of people don't and they get on the housing ladder through sacrificing other things. Unfortunately once you are renting and have children to pay for saving for a deposit is much much harder.
Renting isn't the end of the world though, others have pointed out the benefits.

I agree about the flexibility of renting but what about when you're retired and still need to find upwards of £1,000 each month for rent?

We're still renting and quite a bit older than 30.

We're 30 and renting. Our landlord is very nice, and it's fine. We're never going to buy and that's ok.

I was renting till 41. It's the norm to rent in many countries.

What superexcited said.

We're all making choices. I am your age and do have a flat (in London) it was self funded but I rented bloody horrific cheap places and made a lot of sacrifices, I also deferred kids.
Neither is "right" or "wrong" it's just a choice.

YABU to feel bad because you made (presumably) the right choice for you and renting isn't the kiss of death

I am 41 with 3 kids and single and i own a home worth 250k...my mortgage is £23,000 and i pay £149 a month....i bought my first home in my 20's and it cost £45,000, i was v lucky to buy and sell at the right times and have made my money that way....I will have to sell when my daughter is 18 to pay off my ex husband but will still have enough equity to buy a 3 bed semi outright...
I feel v lucky that in a few years i will only have to work to cover bills and food etc.

Thing is, in lots of countries. Rental contracts are much longer - 5 or 10 years, wih the right to decorate etc, without unreasonable rent hikes and agency fees etc, and with long notice periods. The OP says she's had to move with only 2 months' notice three times in the past five years. We're renting at the moment (waiting for our house in another part of the country to sell) and we recently had to move with only two months' notice and a five month old baby...

And I know we're in a much better position than some renters because we will be able to buy very soon.

myusername good for you!... that was helpful to the OP! [hmmm]
Renting with DC absolutely sucks. The worst part is not the money it's the constant worry of having 2 months to find deposit and moving costs which eat into any house deposit savings you might have made. Worrying about not being able to find another rental in the school area and being homeless along with your carefully put together work/childcare arrangements no longer working out. My experience of landlords is of constant rent increases, repairs not being done, over the top inspections and not treating it like a business but making us feel like lodgers in our own home.

We moved heaven and earth to scrape a deposit and fees together to buy to escape all this. Took us nearly 10 years. We're going to be skint while we get back on our feet from buying (paying back a couple of small loans from family) and build up some savings (no holidays or treats, just the basics) but it is worth the peace of mind a thousand times over . Thankfully where we live decent sized family homes are do-able (around 120K).
OP do you have any family who could loan you some money towards a deposit which you could pay back after you buy? We were lent two small seperate amounts from different family members after our last LL stopped threatening and decided to actually sell. We were only asked for 3 months statements from the broker, it took us this long to find a house, and they didn't ask where we got our deposit from so no issues there.
FWIW neither of my DC where at all bothered by renting, and I don't think they have a clue about buying or renting. Where we lived was their home.
Hope things work out for you x

good grief myusednamewastaken, seems your humility was taken as well!!

op, this is absolutely not your fault. Buying was much easier 25 years ago, now the world has changed and there are many many people in your position that would have been able to buy years ago...just like the job market has changed too.

dont be so hard on yourself

You made a choice to stay at home, leave your career and use the redundancy money to finance that. You are now expecting another child. These are perfectly legitimate choices but you could have chosen to look for another job, use some of the money to fund childcare, and now have two incomes. You could have delayed having another child until you had enough for a deposit. If you can survive on one income you would have been able to save for a deposit on two and afford a bigger mortgage.

It's simply not possible to have everything for most of us - we make choices based on our priorities. You made your choices based on your priorities, which I'm assuming we're to have your children relatively young.

and look after them yourself, nothing wrong with that.

I did it and now we are skint and dreading the upcoming tax credits cuts, but it was our choice so thats that.

No guarantees on being able to leave children anything either. If you get dementia or can no longer care for yourself and your children don't want to then care home fees will eat up the house's worth anyway .

I am paying a mortgage. But I only have one child because I chose to make a different financial decision to you. And I went back to work at 12 months, not 4 years.
You are not giving your career a chance to grow, because you've just gone back to work and now you're going off pregnant again.
All perfectly valid choices.

But... Few people have a sudden injection of £15K, so actually you've been in more position to buy than many.

So - although I think it's a shame than house prices making buying not an option for many, and rental prices mean some can't save for deposits, for you personally I think it's more about your choices.

Im only just considering buying now and im alot older than 30. Yabu. Your ds snt going to care if house is rented or morgaged.

I own. I have paid a fortune in interest, stamp duty, maintenance and I am going to have to sell up as can no longer afford the mortgage. Costs of selling run into thousands - at least a years rent.

It really isn't the be all and end all. I am trying hard not to feel bitter about the fact that the house took so much of my time and money and worry.

There is uncertainty in renting but there are many positives.

I own. I have paid a fortune in interest, stamp duty, maintenance and I am going to have to sell up as can no longer afford the mortgage. Costs of selling run into thousands - at least a years rent.

It really isn't the be all and end all. I am trying hard not to feel bitter about the fact that the house took so much of my time and money and worry.

There is uncertainty in renting but there are many positives.

£15,000 wasn't going to get us a home of our own.
I did look into all avenues before leaving my job.
We would have needed £50,000 and with childcare costs, travel to London for work I would have been bringing home about £600 so I would have been saving for about 10 years and somehow managing to live on one wage whilst paying private rent.
Of course I made the choices to have the children and that's where I feel pretty bad about it to be honest. No family have money apart from a grandfather who won't help until he dies ( he is 85 ) and then who knows if that money ( £100,000 if mother splits it between me and sister as she's always said ) will be enough to get a mortgage on only my husbands wage ( I do care work 0 hour contract so doubt that will count )
I don't care about the money I pay every month, I honestly don't.
I just care that it's so fucking unstable.
We left London to be nearer family and cheaper rent however landlord is upping the rent here come September hence us trying to look for something else however every house we have seen has had another 5 people interested and all fighting for the same thing, we have lost out on 3 so far to social workers, a nurse and paeditrician and 2 accountants, all clearly bringing in a lot more money than us.
So it's not just the fact of the uncertainly it's also about not actually being able to find anything.
Wasn't so much a problem prior to school but is going to be majorly shit now.

I'm 38 Dh is 45. I doubt we will ever afford to buy. No rich relatives and we can't afford deposit. Pisses me off but that's how it is. Don't let it get you down OP.

But that £15000 could of gone towards a deposit.......

I think you should look in to shared ownership.

Horsham is expensive to rent in. You could consider moving to a cheaper area.

I'm 42 now but was still renting at 30, as were all my friends at that age. I don't really understand why people think that renting is abnormal in the UK, or just a recent thing. It isn't unusual in other countries either

I have friends who sold their house and rented because it was loads cheaper, and so they could afford a cottage in a beautiful area that would be way out of their budget to buy. There are loads of advantages to renting, but mostly I miss the freedom to just move now I own my home. The cost and hassle of selling puts me off so I just stay put, if I rented it would be simple to move.

The grass over here is not as green as you think