to feel shit about renting at 30?

[ScaredBUTstrong]

Been renting since I was 18, no way of ever saving for a deposit and all money was going in rent.
Husband similar position, I left my career after having our child and got £15000 redundancy however used it to keep me at home for the last few years and have now gone back to work as he starts school this year but we will never be able to save for a mortgage.
Rents are £1000 for a 2 bed here ( Horsham West Sussex ) and they are bloody hard to get, everyone's going after the same houses you get rejected for bad credit which I'm paying off lots of landlords don't want kids etc.
feels like my sons childhood has and will be spent with a whole load of uncertainty and worry.
Feeling like I've let him down.

• there

Standards of rentals in the UK is far higher than in The Netherlands, where I come from. Its also cheaper to actually find a place - in The Netherlands, you usually have to pay to register with an agency for a set period, pay a "borg" fee for the joy of renting, usually about one month's rent, pay a deposit to the landlord equivalent to one month's rent or more, and pay one month's rent up front.

Most rentals are unfurnished, sometimes you even have to bring your own kitchen and appliance, but usually at least a bed, sofa, wardrobe, etc..

Or you can rent direct from the landlord, but then you can be asked to leave without really any notice. It happens all the time, and no-one does anything about it.

Rents seem a little cheaper in the UK and theres definitely more selection and a higher standard.

There is a lot of social housing, but the waiting list is 3- 4 years!

Social housing? You can't even apply to go on the list here unless you are actually homeless and have lived in the borough for a year.
In my own borough ( London ) I was on the list at 18, yet at 27 when I left I still hadn't been offered anything at all.
Lucy, funny.

Renting is fine. Not all folks can or want to buy. I didn't want to until I turned 40.

So...
WHAT ABOUT SHARED OWNERSHIP?

i'm 30 and renting too. fortunately we having a social rented home so can decorate as we like. even with working and low rent, with 3 children its almost impossible to save for a deposit. I'm hanging all my hopes of home ownership on this new right to buy scheme Mr Cameron promised us. otherwise I would have no hope, well not for another 5 years till bump is off to school.
I want to own a property outright before i retire. I don't want to retire renting. However I wont get state pension till 70, take off a 25 year mortage and so as long as I buy by 45 i'm a happy bunny. Don't beat yourself up over it. loads of people are still renting x

It IS shit renting in the uk, but you are only 30! Spend the next five years saving your deposit, but you will have to go back to work. Most of us have to work. Staying at home, paying rent and the expense of raising a child AND expecting to still save a deposit is not a reasonable expectation!

We've looked at shared ownership; a) there's not always properties available b) they are often new builds which are over £200k (around here anyway) and c) a lot of them charge extra fees, etc. which make them more expensive than both monthly rent and mortgage payments would be.

Plus, having spoke to friends who used shared ownership schemes, the houses/flats are a ballache to sell if you need to move/upsize.

It is a option, but it's not an ideal solution for everyone.

(Plus you usually still need a deposit)

Work seems to be the solution for most of us - full time work even when they are babies and for some of us second jobs at the weekend too to get our "jam tomorrow".

Um, I do work full-time, in a 'professional' job. So does DH. First DC is due next weekend, but I will be returning to work once my occupational mat leave runs out. I assume you were referring to the OP?

Sorry, I couldn't resist Op.

There is only one solution, go back to work. Might not be for a while yet as you are expecting, but that is really the solution.
As a pp said, there is something tasteless about waiting around for someone to pass away and get an inheritance etc.

And remember, your son does not feel let down. Kids don't care about these things. They care about mum and dads love.

Elke- I don't think you know the UK renting system!

Unfurnished, high rents, no security, big deposits, all standard.

'There is a lot of social housing, but the waiting list is 3- 4 years!'

That's all? 3-4 years? It's decades or never in a lot of places in the UK. Even homeless are put in shoddy private accommodation for years and years no chance of getting social housing at all. Ever.

The OP's situation is very different. £50k inheritance?

In Llondon most private lettings to people in work are furnished, most require a month to 6 weeks as a deposit and the tenant is secure for the period for which they contract usually a year is all they want (as tenants change jobs and move so want flexibility)

I rented in the Netherlands for a number of years. Elke is right.

My apartment had no flooring laid (I had concrete floors only for 2 weeks, until I got carpet fitted), I had to pay for gas and electricity to be connected (something which must be done by law in the UK for a property to be considered "habitable"), no light bulbs - just bare wires hanging out the ceiling (again, something which is required by law in the UK), no kitchen, including no cooker, hob or any white goods, no curtains/blinds.

It was literally just the shell of an apartment which was being rented, which is standard over there. Rental houses often don't even have a garden laid.

Margrat I forgot about having to pay to have the gas and electricity connected! And the lack of curtains/blinds. That's a nice one - you move into a new rental property and you never quite know what it will or will not contain, so you end up living for a couple of weeks without something quite vital, like light, or with no blinds. Because ah yes, velux windows, too difficult to fit curtains to yourself, and no way of getting out if theres a fire. And the trappy staircases to attic rooms. So hard not to fall! So much higher standards in the UK. I can't believe how nice the rental properties are here sometimes.

What I used to mind most though was the lack of a proper cooker/oven in supposedly furnished properties. Microwaves are never the same.

And the Dutch equivalent of the "bedroom tax" - if you're in social housing, you get told in some places to move out because you're under-occupying (e.g. two bedrooms, when you only need one).

Magrat- you obviously haven't seen a council flat when the tenant gets the keys!

No flooring
No white goods
No heating (need to get card), poss no heaters at all- need to buy your own plug in heaters
-no blinds/curtains

This is all typical

All council flats will be connected to main services though and will have the facility to put light bulbs straight in (basic pendant fitting rather than exposed wires). No deposit needed for a council property either and in some areas you can even get decorating grants.

Shared ownership still needs a big deposit that we can't save for at the moment.
Even if I went back to work it would take about 10 years of saving and I just don't know if missing so much time with the kids is worth it, clearly that's not the correct view though if I want to own a property, I get that.
Yep as I said you can't even apply to go on the list until you have been served notice and even then they generally ( happened to 2 neighbours this year ) just find you another private rental who accept the council paying the deposit ( some don't ) so you'll end up living in a flat in a not so great area paying not far off what you would be paying if you had done it yourself, still having no security.

But OP you make choices in your life...presumably yours is that your children will benefit more from having you around and not working...

As an adult, you plan your life surely...how much would your children actually benefit from having you at home for the next 10 years (even while they are at school all day?).

My parents were similar, sort of disorganised and unable to plan. I admit we did suffer uncertainty as a family as a result. I learned from their mistakes, and bought my first small hovel one bedroom flat, which wouldn't be considered at all desirable by many renters on mumsnet, as soon as I could. But you are expecting a large inheritance, so I guess you don't need to worry that much.

That inheritance could take another 10 years in which case my son will have nearly finished school completely, the only benefit to renting is being quite able to be near the school we think best suits the kids. But the instability is still really shit.
I do feel I benefited from it being my mum who collected me and dropped me off, was there all through the summer holidays was there on all the school trips etc, but her circumstance was different as she has always been with a housing association so apart from 1 swap when she wanted to downsize as not to have to pay bedroom tax she has never moved.

Well clearly you think working and not being able to be around full time for the children would be more shot than renting do I don't really see what you are complaining about. You have the thing you wasn't most - the option of bring a SAHM for many years.

I would consider just carrying on renting then if you want to continue to be a sahp.

Also just to bear in mind, the inheritance may not come to fruition either. Wills can be changed or your GF may need the funds to pay for care. Or so might your mother need care.(I assume she's the one to inherit from your GF as you say she'll be the one to split it?). Eitherway just food for thought in case you were relying on it somehow for the future. Taking into account the 7 (I think?) year thing for gifting money etc.