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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell a white lie to DH

264 replies

yeoldeoaktree · 21/07/2015 07:10

It's my friends hen do next week and it's in a different area of the country. I was thinking of going by plane as this is quicker and cheaper. I told DH about this ages ago but he forgot.

DH wants us to go away for the weekend as its my birthday the week after next, and this weekend fits better into his plans than next. WIBU to tell him my friend bought my plane tickets so he feels I can't pull out?

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 21/07/2015 07:12

Why can't you say "not this weekend, I'm going to X's hen do"?

lionheart · 21/07/2015 07:12

Yes. Why not be honest?

caravanista13 · 21/07/2015 07:13

Surely if you've committed to a hen do then you can't be expected to do anything else?

eurochick · 21/07/2015 07:13

Surely you just say "that doesn't work, don't you remember - I have that hen do to go to".

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle · 21/07/2015 07:14

Weird unnecessary lie. "I can't go away next weekend, its xxx hen do, sorry. Another time?".

Simple.

FenellaFellorick · 21/07/2015 07:14

Could you not just say no, I committed to this first and I don't want to pull out

This weekend may fit better into his plans but it doesn't into yours.

Won't he accept that you already have plans?

Zippidydoodah · 21/07/2015 07:16

How bizarre that you feel you have to lie to him instead of simply saying "sorry, can't do that weekend!" And finding another mutually suitable date? Hmm

MrsBobDylan · 21/07/2015 07:20

I don't see anything wrong with what you're doing.There's no need to tell a white lie as the truth is reasonable.

It sounds a bit worrying that you even feel you need to tell a white lie. It's your birthday, you can choose how you celebrate it, this weekend doesn't work for you, you have plans.

Your dh sounds unreasonable IMO, if he's making you feel you need to lie in order to go on a pretty planned event.

ilovesooty · 21/07/2015 07:22

I don't understand this. You already have plans.

Original poster
yeoldeoaktree · 21/07/2015 07:23

I feel like if I say I want to go to my friends hen party I'll disturb things a bit, as he will think I think my friend and getting pissed is more important than spending quality time with him. Whatever I do someone will be disappointed in me so it's easier if I lie.

OP posts:
MrsBobDylan · 21/07/2015 07:23

Pre planned, not pretty. Gah!

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 21/07/2015 07:25

It is the easy route, sure. Consider though that you're setting precedent for future lies.

Be relentlessly truthful in your marriage at all times, let it become a habit (bar white lies that are truly white lies, i.e. your haircut looks great - yours is not a white lie FYI).

LineRunner · 21/07/2015 07:25

You mean he'll get arsey with you??

ShadowFire · 21/07/2015 07:27

Why not tell him that the hen do has been organised for ages, and you'd feel bad about letting down your friends if you cancel on them at the last minute?

LadyintheRadiator · 21/07/2015 07:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VegasIsBest · 21/07/2015 07:27

Why would he think your friend is 'more' important than him. He will just recognise that you have an existing commitment.

If you want to have a happy marriage you need to be able to communicate openly and clearly with each other.

MrsHathaway · 21/07/2015 07:28

If he's so possessive of you that you feel you have to lie to justify spending time with your friends... then you should be posting in Relationships, not AIBU.

iwantgin · 21/07/2015 07:31

YWBU, yes.

You have made plans already. it is irrelevant who paid for the tickets. You have committed that time to your friends.

Your DH will have to be content with a different weekend.

Do you have a shared calendar so that you can see what each other is doing? Invaluable ime,

Mrsjayy · 21/07/2015 07:32

Thats a shame you feel you need to lie to keep everybody happy but you did tell him he forgot why didnt you say dh i told you i was going to the hen do when he suggested the weekend ? Is he always so insecure about who you like best,

Original poster
yeoldeoaktree · 21/07/2015 07:33

The shared calendars a good idea actually, we often end up forgetting what the others doing.

He'd just get moody and sulky and then go on about it at a later date if I went, it's easier to present it as a decision that's already made for me as then if he gets moody I can just blame my friend.

OP posts:
maras2 · 21/07/2015 07:33

It's not just any old pissup though,is it? It's a friend's hen party which has already been discussed. Don't lie.If you feel that you have to to stop him kicking off or even just whinging,then you need to take a good look at your relationship.

LineRunner · 21/07/2015 07:37

Why didn't you remind him of your plans as soon as he suggested the weekend away?

trollkonor · 21/07/2015 07:38

You would be unreasonable. You have plans so you ned to say sorry, dont you remember that I have plans.

IrenetheQuaint · 21/07/2015 07:39

Is he usually this selfish and manipulative?

Mrsjayy · 21/07/2015 07:39

That isnt fair on your friend its easier for your husband to resent her than you meh let him sulk you had plans sounds like he probably does remember but manipulating you

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