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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell a white lie to DH

264 replies

yeoldeoaktree · 21/07/2015 07:10

It's my friends hen do next week and it's in a different area of the country. I was thinking of going by plane as this is quicker and cheaper. I told DH about this ages ago but he forgot.

DH wants us to go away for the weekend as its my birthday the week after next, and this weekend fits better into his plans than next. WIBU to tell him my friend bought my plane tickets so he feels I can't pull out?

OP posts:
CalmYourselfTubbs · 21/07/2015 07:39

its his fault he forgot.
do you often take the fall for his mistakes?

Treeceratops · 21/07/2015 07:43

Why can't he change his plans? It's your birthday after all.

BlackeyedSusan · 21/07/2015 07:44

if you are having to lie becuse he will be grumpy... not a good relationship

Original poster
yeoldeoaktree · 21/07/2015 07:46

I forgot myself when he mentioned it, I knew I was going to the hen party but I didn't realise at first it was that weekend. DH bought some hotel package but it's from Groupon so it's not a fixed weekend. He just expects to come first not my friends.

OP posts:
Hissy · 21/07/2015 07:48

So basically he hasn't forgotten at all!

He's deliberately organising his plans to get this stuff to clash, and if you don't cancel, he'll sulk and punish you?

Don't you dare blow out the hen party! And if he sulks, let him. If he dares to make you feel guilty, seriously reevaluate your relationship.

have you been together long? Was he always like this, or did it ramp up when you got engaged/married?

teacher54321 · 21/07/2015 07:48

A hen do in these circs takes priority you've already committed to it, he sounds quite manipulative.

Welshwabbit · 21/07/2015 07:48

But the decision is already made, regardless of your travel plans. You have told your friend you're going and she will have planned around you being there. If you don't go she may be one short for planned activities and games games and she may also lose out financially if anything has been pre - paid. I don't see why you need to lie about the plane tickets to show that the decision has already been made. If you must, the above points still allow you to blame your friend!

Kampeki · 21/07/2015 07:50

It's weird that you feel the need to lie, OP. That doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at all.

Original poster
yeoldeoaktree · 21/07/2015 07:50

I think he did forget, it was ages ago (january maybe) I mentioned it. I can normally handle him but I just want to go,away and enjoy the weekend with my friends and haven't seen some of them for ages, without thinking he's going to be giving me the silent treatment when I get back.

OP posts:
Bin85 · 21/07/2015 07:50

Doesn't he want you to go?

Nolim · 21/07/2015 07:52

Yabu.
You have plans, he forgot, not you, not your friend.
And if he can change the date then what is the problem? Whatever it is it is his problem not yours.

Kampeki · 21/07/2015 07:53

Just go!

He sounds nasty and controlling tbh. He has no right to give you the silent treatment just because you spend a weekend with friends.

Personally, I would run as fast as I could in the opposite direction!

1Morewineplease · 21/07/2015 07:54

What do you mean by "I can normally handle him"?????

musicalendorphins2 · 21/07/2015 07:55

You have accepted the hen invitation, and he already knows this. Are you afraid of him? So what is he has a Groupon, you already have made plans. He isn't the boss of you you know.

firesidechat · 21/07/2015 07:58

This is all sounding terrible op and you don't seem to realise. It's not about coming first is it, or it shouldn't be. It is entirely possible to fit in a friends's hen party and a weekend away with your husband without anyone feeling the need to control or sulk.

I can normally handle him stands out from your posts. Any marriage where you have to "handle" each other sounds exhausting and not how it should be. Also the "handling" seems to involve you lying, changing your plans to suit old sulky boots and generally trending on eggshells. Not good.

Cabrinha · 21/07/2015 07:59

You have to "handle" him, and he gives you "the silent treatment"?

Yep, YWBU to lie.

Unreasonable to yourself.

Repost in relationship lovey - I expect there's more to talk about.

Mrsjayy · 21/07/2015 07:59

Sounds stressful partners/spouses shouldnt need handled lovey.

Original poster
yeoldeoaktree · 21/07/2015 07:59

Usually I am strong and will stand up to him,and never mind the consequences but I just want a nice weekend with my friends followed by a nice birthday weekend and a little lie seems the best way of achieving those.

OP posts:
Bakeoffcake · 21/07/2015 07:59

You shouldn't have to tell him a white lie inorder to avoid him sulking.Sad

How often does he do this sulking thing? What else triggers it?

You should be able to go and enjoy yourself, like any other normal adult woman.

maras2 · 21/07/2015 07:59

Silent treatment! Shock Good Lord he's sounding worse with each post.Go for your hen do and take the time away to reflect on your relationship.

MaidOfStars · 21/07/2015 07:59

He sounds like a bit of a bellend, to be honest. Do you even recognise this as controlling and manipulative behaviour?

Kampeki · 21/07/2015 08:00

The irony is, the weekend away is supposed to be a treat for the OP's birthday, and yet her DH is using it to try and manipulate her into changing her plans with her friends. :(

SparkleZilla · 21/07/2015 08:01

DH wants us to go away for the weekend as its my birthday the week after next, and this weekend fits better into his plans than next.

you have a prior engagement so going away with DH this weekend doesnt fit in with your plans, for your birthday

redfairy · 21/07/2015 08:02

I'd lie. Nothing worse than a sulky husband. You know how to handle him best.(provided your lie wont unravel at the wedding)

TheRealAmyLee · 21/07/2015 08:02

I cant understand why the lies? In my house it would go "I'd love to do birthday stuff this weekend but it's X's hen party. Lets do the weekend after. Sounds great btw, thanks so much"
"Ok love I will book weekend after enjoy your hen"
Although somewhere in there one of us may playfully call the other a forgetful muppet Wink
I assumed that would be the normality? If you feel you need to lie to try and avoid being made to feel shit over this I think you have much bigger things to worry about.