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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to send dd to an out of catchment school

201 replies

Tunrasmus · 16/07/2015 17:16

dd starts in year r in September in a school about 30 mins from us. this is because our local primary is awful, full of really rough kids. the area is pretty rough basically, but our house is a good size and we dont want to go smaller for more money. with respect of the school - i just don't want her there. all the mums stand outside smoking and when i went for the open day i saw that they give an award for attendance! expectations just seemed so low. i'm sending her to this really sweet little rural school instead. ive suddenly worried that the other mums might think i'm ridiculous? we had the 'introductory' day at school last week and some of the mums looked completely perplexed that we would travel half an hour to school! one even asked how we would do playdates or nights at the pub with other parents, with us being so far away Confused.

OP posts:
RiverTam · 16/07/2015 17:19

Did you actually go and have a look around the local school? There's a lot to be said for attending locally, you're part of the community and play dates etc are much easier. And lots of schools have attendance awards, which are bullshit anyway.

SunnyBaudelaire · 16/07/2015 17:19

" all the mums stand outside smoking "

gosh really how many children are in the school? say 500? so you are telling us that 500 mums are outside the school smoking?

Good luck in the 'really sweet little rural school' you will need it.

Original poster
Tunrasmus · 16/07/2015 17:20

i did - and i just didnt think either me or dd would fit in, to be honest

OP posts:
Original poster
Tunrasmus · 16/07/2015 17:21

not 500 but i go past quite often, and theres always mums smoking and children fighting. i just dont like the look of it. sorry, but i dont.

OP posts:
DisappointedOne · 16/07/2015 17:21

Most schools give awards for attendance, don't they?!

RiverTam · 16/07/2015 17:21

Sorry, I see you did visit. Well, it's up to you. I appreciate your difficulty, for various reasons we didn't want DD to go to our nearest school but we're in London so plenty other nearby schools.

Gileswithachainsaw · 16/07/2015 17:22

I send me dd to an out of catchment school. dont regret it either.

I wasn't about to send her to the worst school in the town just because it's catchment if I could help it.

you made a mistake posting though. MNETTERS are supposed to engage in experiments to improve the school from within using your children as guinea pigs.Wink

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 16/07/2015 17:23

Where school attendance is low, and knowing children will learn if they attend most of the time then yes give an incentive. Its really up to you. Have you got a place? There was a thread in here about a mom not wanting DD to visit a rough area with a school friend. We travelled that far for a better school, but I will never know if it was better ... its a complete unknown.

TheHouseOnBellSt · 16/07/2015 17:24

YANBU. You won't make a good impression on here by knocking your local school though...I did the same as you and it's been MARVELOUS. Totally the ight choice. My DDs attend a lovely, small village school and they're not the only ones from out of catchment either....so there's no "them and us" at all....they have had a gorgeous primary school experience.

SunnyBaudelaire · 16/07/2015 17:24

yes well if you have made up your mind why bother posting?
I warn you, at the village school, you could well be regarded as the 'problem mum' 'not from round 'ere'

tidalwaveover · 16/07/2015 17:25

Do you live very rurally?

It seems strange not being to find anything decent any closer than.

YANBU to not go for the local school if it's not a good fit. We are out of catchment, though in an area with loads of school so still only 0.5 miles from school. It is VERY handy having all the DC friends living locally.

JohnCusacksWife · 16/07/2015 17:26

It's entirely your choice but I think you're making a rod for your own back. A 30 min journey to school, twice a day, 5 days a week is a LOT. Then when you get home you have to do homework, reading, topic work etc and fit in some down time for your DD. And missing out on socialising out of school with her classmates might become an issue, especially as she gets older.

Personally I'd always go for the smaller house in the nicer area rather than vice versa. But that's just me.

Goshthatsspicy · 16/07/2015 17:27

Mine are in a cosy village school.

After today, l've decided it is a pile of shit... And l'm longing for a more diverse and larger school.

Spartans · 16/07/2015 17:28

Dd goes to an out of catchment area school. However it's only 2 miles away. I can't help wonder why a school that is apparantly so good has places available so that someone 30mins away, got in. That's quite unusual.

An hour per day school run would be far too much for me. I also think you have over egged the 'poor school'. No way we're all the mums outside smoking and lots of schools give out attendence awards (personally I don't like them), dd and ds go to schools that give them out. Both are graded as outstanding and lovely schools to be in.

I think Yabu because I think you have simply judged the local school illogically.

AlpacaLypse · 16/07/2015 17:29

The school dtds went to had a lot of out of catchment children, it was thirty miles between the two furthest out families. We did start doing overnight playdates a bit earlier than other groups, probably. But it was worth the long drive in my opinion.

You have chosen the school that you think your child will be happiest and do best at. Fair play to you, just because that isn't an option in some parts of the country or for some families doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.

SunnyBaudelaire · 16/07/2015 17:29

cosy village schools can be vile I warn you.
My friend was delighted to move to a rather nice village with lovely little school for her child, only to find him being dragged around the playground by the neck of his clothes having racist abuse hurled at him. And the playground supervisors not noticing.

KitZacJak · 16/07/2015 17:29

YANBU - as it is your choice.

but YABU labelling children as rough!!!!

Spartans · 16/07/2015 17:30

And it's also a bit late to start worrying about it now.

SunnyBaudelaire · 16/07/2015 17:30

yeh 'all the children are really rough' is just downright offensive tbh.

Original poster
Tunrasmus · 16/07/2015 17:31

hmmm well id rather the commute than send dd to the local school - or the next nearest school. they are awful, truly awful. i know im makign the right choice - i just wonder if other mums will find it a pain coming to ours for playdates as we are so far, or if they will be ok with me sleeping over at theirs if we go to the pub so i can have a few drinks? i mean, assuming i make some friends that is Grin

OP posts:
TheHouseOnBellSt · 16/07/2015 17:32

You will find that if the school is very good, other families will travel to get to it so you won't be the only non local. Sleepovers for Mums are NOT usual though OP.

SunnyBaudelaire · 16/07/2015 17:32

they wont want to come as you live in a really rough area and probably hang around outside your house smoking while your kids play with dog poo and broken glass.
that is what they will think anyway. Grin

Original poster
Tunrasmus · 16/07/2015 17:32

sorry about calling the kids rough - but they do play roughly, thats what i mean

OP posts:
Original poster
Tunrasmus · 16/07/2015 17:33

i do seem to be the only non-local, actually, which i was surprised by. in dds year group at least

OP posts:
wannabestressfree · 16/07/2015 17:35

Well if the naice mums see where you live they might not want their children coming for play dates.....
I teach at a very nice school and we have attendence awards. Meh.