to send dd to an out of catchment school

[Tunrasmus]

dd starts in year r in September in a school about 30 mins from us. this is because our local primary is awful, full of really rough kids. the area is pretty rough basically, but our house is a good size and we dont want to go smaller for more money. with respect of the school - i just don't want her there. all the mums stand outside smoking and when i went for the open day i saw that they give an award for attendance! expectations just seemed so low. i'm sending her to this really sweet little rural school instead. ive suddenly worried that the other mums might think i'm ridiculous? we had the 'introductory' day at school last week and some of the mums looked completely perplexed that we would travel half an hour to school! one even asked how we would do playdates or nights at the pub with other parents, with us being so far away .

As a child that was sent to an out of catchment school - although I loved the school it meant that I didn't have that closeness with friends that my peer group had. I had friends however and still keep in touch with the ones that mattered but it was hard at the time and I was picked on as was my sister despite this. It affected my confidence which has been difficult to get over in adult years. Saying this I have a professional job and the general expectation was to finish sixth form and go to university which wasn't the expectation in the school I was supposed to go to.

Is it half an hour to the school or a half an hour round trip for you? Leaving home, then back home half an hour later.

30 min round trip is totally fine. 1 hour round trip is problematic. It might be better to consider homeschooling?

Half an hour one way means 5 hours stuck in a car weekly, 20 hours stuck in a car monthly

However you'd spend 2 hours a day in the car, so 10 hours a week, 40 hours a month

It's going to be very expensive petrol wise to travel

A lot of my friends send their kids out of catchment and it's very normal here. However the maximum any of them drive is 13 mins

My DC went to a private primary school, so the pupils were spread quite widely.

Our school run was less than five mins, but some DC travelled, 15/20/30 mins. The longest I heard was 40.

No one complained. The DC had loads of play dates and there were lots of opportunites for parents to socialise.

However, the parents were wealthy, time rich (most had one SAHP) and were committed to making it work.

I told the head of my local school - to his face - that hell would have to freeze over before I sent my kids there.

I bet he was gutted

Dd goes to an out of catchment school (tbf we are only 100m from the boundary). Even after visiting our catchment school we still didn't like it, didn't think it fitted her needs, 'rougher' area. Now at the end of her first year I wish we had sent her. Non catchment school she attends failed ofsted, is poorly managed, we have no end of problems with them. It's not till the child goes to school that you'll know if you made the right choice I guess

My DW refused to even look at our catchment school so no you are not.

My DW refused to even look at our catchment school so no you are not.

Nothing like making an informed decision, eh?

I went to a school half an hour from home, in the centre of town, we lived in the suburbs.

It was OK because there were a few other local children who went to the same school so parents shared the school run and we were friends with each other.

The issue here is that the village school parents will have friends on their doorstep: making an hour round trip to collect your child from a play date, possibly dragging a tired younger sibling along, will not appeal! And making a third hour long round trip, with dd in tow, to drop a visiting child home will also be a struggle.

But play dates don't have to be the be all and end all of school life.

All you can do is see how it pans out, OP. The option to move closer may become more tempting, especially if you have younger children.

Attendance rewards are standard in every school I think

The village is probably very clique, and you'll be on the outside of this.

But if you think this school is the best for your DD and you can manage the travel, then it sounds like you want to make it work so it should be fine.

Just don't judge a book by it's cover! A 'rough' area doesn't mean nasty thick kids. I live in a less desired area and most of the kids who my son goes to nursery with are so friendly, empathetic and thoughtful at three years old! The 'sweet little rural school' could be full of stuck up snobby bullies. Not saying it will. Awards for attendance are common though, most schools do them, loads of people smoke it's not a reflection of class. I hope some parents judgemental attitudes don't rub off on impressionable children.

Me and my sister went to an out of area secondary school because it had a far better reputation and better academic achievements. It was hard at first because at the age of 12 we were whisked away from all our friends that we'd made the previous 8 years at school and thrown into an environment where everyone else knew each other and we didn't know anyone.

The school was about 30 minute drive away or two buses if we used public transport.

We did make new friends eventually but I think people thought we were from "the wrong side of town" and we certainly weren't as "well off" as the other pupils but it didn't seem to matter.

It wasn't a problem socially but only because we were old enough to take buses to go and see our friends whereas you won't have that advantage with your children.

There's nothing wrong with wanting the best for your child but there may be some consequences for her. It's just a case of weighing them up and making the decision that you think suits you best.

I send my DC to an out of catchment school. It's only a 10 min drive but I would have driven further to not send them to the catchment school.

They are in a lovely rural village school and it was definitely the right choice for them.

If you want to make friends I would get involved in the PTA or fundraising committees as village schools can be a bit cliquey, but showing a willingness to get involved has definitely helped me fit in.

OP I get your reasons for choosing an out if catchment school; I went across LEA boundaries but it was still only a 20 minute walk or five minute drive away. However, your child may be socially isolated not only by distance but possibly other parents looking down on you as a wannabe.
FWIW I really don't get this socialising with other parents stuff. Why anyone wants to meet up bound solely by the one common factor of having children in the same school is beyond me (and sounds very cliquey!)

What I don't get I have to say is the double standards.

when a poster says how she went to view the local school and teachers were welcoming and the kids were all being so kind to each other as I watched them in the play ground and how the parents smiled and said hello which I didn't expect. everyone replies how lovely that is and how much their children enjoyed going to a similar sounding school.

However if what someone posts is a negative, that the children were swearing or the mums stood around and refused to move so a person can get through the gates and the head had forgotten they were even visiting. somehow that's judgmental and the op gets a load of .

make your minds up cos it works both ways . If reasons are allowed to be a positive they are allowed to be a negative.

Of course it's wrong to assume a deprived area means nasty or bad, and people shouldn't be making uninformed decisions. But if you have a lot of familiarity with council estates/ deprived areas you do get a chav radar ( like the Jewish one in chat). I can pick up on the difference in minutes between deprived ( whether financial/ education etc) and/ or being a bit rough round the edges, neither of which would put me off, and somebody who is just a scrote. As can anyone else with enough regular contact with 'rough' areas.

I don't think you being unreasonable in wanting to send your child to an out of catchment school if you feel that it's a better than the local schools, however, half an hour away is quite far really.

I too chose to send my children to an out of catchement catholic school that is amazing and quite frankly doesn't even compare to the other schools round here and it was the best thing I did. That said, the school itself is exactly two miles away so hardly a long way away and it only takes me 5 mins to get there, maybe 10 in traffic. I will say that my dd has settled really well and has made lots of friends but as these friends live in the same street or round the corner from each other and we live 2 miles away my dad rarely sees these children outside off school. Although to be honest this doesn't seem to bother her as were we live she has tons of friends and has made some good friends at brownies and at other clubs, so she's happy.

Can I just say why is it if chose not to send your DC to the local school you are looked down on for being a snob? There's nothing wrong with wanting the best for your children you know, and some parents aren't willing to send their child to the most local and most convenient school simply because it's easiest for THEM! and will be quite happy opt for a better school further away.

It's all about priorities and me personally, I chose to send my kids to an out of catchement because the other schools weren't good enough for them, it means I now drive instead of walk to school but I don't care as it means my children will receive a better more balanced education, but I suppose some parents just want the easy option and will dump them in the local schools regardless of how bad they are!

I don't know twighlight

luckily at Dds school if i'm questioned why i chose it I only need to say where we originally got given and it's like "say no more" they understand as the reputation is well known.

I also wanted to give dd the best chance to not get the secondary as again it's shit.

I'm not a snob, hell I'm likely the mum the other mums avoid as I can't keep up with the John lewis clothes or the posh cars.and lounges that could fit my entire house.

and id do it again in a heart Beat because the price of not doing it is too high. I figured a one in a million shot is better than no shot at all.

That's not to say of course that there aren't down sides. because there are.

The biggest one being the stress of allocations for the second child. now that is something I never want to experience again. knowing that the past three years were for nothing leading to a choice of moving the oldest to the shit school after all or home schooling the younger one.

It all could have been so different and I'm grateful it's worked out and obviously I do understand people want different things so will make different decisions which I don't judge so why do we get judged.

As a child I lived on the fringes of my private prep school's catchment: school was in a town and we lived in a village about 8 miles away. This wasn't good for school socialising, either for DC or parents.

I understand to a point where you are coming from (even if you aren't putting it across in the nicest way) you don't feel the local school is suitable and you want your child to go to a better school that's fair enough but you have to look at the bigger picture and work out what is more important to you. Chances are it will impact you and your child in a social aspect, some village schools can be quite tight with parent groups etc and aren't so welcoming towards anyone new but at the end of the day it's your choice but I don't think it will be the easy option you will need to work harder to maintain friendships outside of school.

I've had my son in both types of school, he used to attend a large primary in what they classed as a deprived area and it wasn't actually a very good school. Lots of behaviour issues, bullying, knives being brought into school, extremely difficult parents who would argue with teachers at the door at home time, major issues with domestic violence, drugs & alcohol. The school when he first attended was good the teachers were engaging and really tried to bring the kids on but faced constant criticism from parents which resulted in a high change over in staff, in one year my child's teacher changed 5 times obviously this has a huge impact on the children. Class sizes were big around 34 to a class and 3 classes per year group, they had a massive amount of funding thrown at them towards TA's etc to lighten the load but was still poor. So as an educational aspect I was deeply unhappy with the school and we made the decision to move. We also considered the high school which was poor also and is constantly slated by ofsted and children don't reach their full potential.

What I'm basically getting at is all schools should be of a good standard but some are just not, some are failing and if you have the choice why should you send your child there.

What I can't work out though is whether you have researched the school fully or are just making s judgement based on some rough looking children and parents who smoke as quite honestly you will find that everywhere.