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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to send dd to an out of catchment school

201 replies

Tunrasmus · 16/07/2015 17:16

dd starts in year r in September in a school about 30 mins from us. this is because our local primary is awful, full of really rough kids. the area is pretty rough basically, but our house is a good size and we dont want to go smaller for more money. with respect of the school - i just don't want her there. all the mums stand outside smoking and when i went for the open day i saw that they give an award for attendance! expectations just seemed so low. i'm sending her to this really sweet little rural school instead. ive suddenly worried that the other mums might think i'm ridiculous? we had the 'introductory' day at school last week and some of the mums looked completely perplexed that we would travel half an hour to school! one even asked how we would do playdates or nights at the pub with other parents, with us being so far away Confused.

OP posts:
ReginaBlitz · 17/07/2015 12:16

And also it suits you to live in a rough area as you get more house for your money, but doesn't suit to send dc to school there double standards really.

SunnyBaudelaire · 17/07/2015 12:23

" - i was brought up to call a spade a spade "

oh I am getting you now.......

Gileswithachainsaw · 17/07/2015 12:24

Not really. People live where they can afford to live and is convenient for work and if they are lucky like the op the size and layout are what they wanted or needed. you can live in nice areas and still get allocated shit schools and schools I'm shit areas can be better than those outside the area.

This is one school and she doesn't like it..There's no law that says you have to.just frees up a place for those of you who want to send their kids there.

Gileswithachainsaw · 17/07/2015 12:35

And fyi parents at my Dds school have been requested to not smoke at the gates and parents comply.

so where's the smoking itself isn't something that would put me off, I would question whether the school didn't care enough to ask parents not to or parents didn't give a shit what the school said.

It's no more a judgement than what half of you think regarding uniform regulations.

Blackf0restgateau · 17/07/2015 12:44

OP I totally understand your decision. I wouldn't send my DD to the local school as the children are rude (barging past, not saying excuse me) and I've seen parents F-ing and blinding at the children in the street outside the school several times. I want better than that and I'm not apologising for it.

I was sent to the local primary and comp by parents who thought it was good for me to mingle with all walks of life. I hated it. It felt rough, it exposed me to unpleasantness and aggression that wasn't familiar to me. I made different choices for my own DD - we are lucky to be able to avoid the local school and go private but can totally understand why you would choose to travel out of catchment to a school you are comfortable with. One child and one parent will not change the nature of the school. They will just have to endure what they are not happy with.

Have confidence in your choice - your gut instinct is rarely wrong.

TalkinPeace · 17/07/2015 13:09

suburbanrhonda
I bet he was gutted
No, in fact he was very chatty about the fact that at least I'd been honest.
It was a very cordial and friendly conversation.

spartans
My school will never be closed, because it is a high profile sponsored academy with a shiny new building.

CandOdad · 17/07/2015 13:19

SuburbanRhonda - no your right, that's why we read the Ofsted report and already knew parents that had children at the school that were working to try and move their own children out.

But thanks for assuming since I said "look at". Nothing like an assumption eh?

BrianButterfield · 17/07/2015 13:29

I'm doing the same thing. My chosen school isn't oversubscribed as not many schools in the county are. It's 20 minutes drive away but we could also get the bus or train if needed. Where I live isn't rough but our catchment school really isn't great, I've been there every week for playgroup and while I've never seen anything particularly worrying, I've spoken to people who work there and read the ofsted reports and some things leap out as making it less than ideal for my DC.

The village school I've chosen suits us - it doesn't make it a nice little middle-class school - in fact what I like about it is that is it socially quite mixed. it feeds into the secondary where I work and my DC have been at nursery in my work town rather than my home town all along without any issues. Everyone I meet has been approving (and in some cases positively gushing!) about my choice, especially people who know the two schools well. 20% of students come out of catchment and I suspect help keep it a viable size as it's doing much better in terms of NOR than other village schools nearby.

I'd love to support my local school but when I read reports that say the teaching for students like my DC is inadequate I'm not willing to take that chance.

HRHLadyFarquhar · 17/07/2015 13:30

Given those spare places, are the classes small, or did they just make the teachers redundant, TalkinPeace?

I do know what you mean, btw. There are a couple of schools in my town that were known as bad schools when my mother was a lass. One actually came bottom of the country once. Forty years on, DoE stats show they're still bottom of the town, although not the country, yay! Secondary is years away and I'm taking their catchments into account when looking on rightmove.

TalkinPeace · 17/07/2015 13:36

HRHLady
Classes are 20 ish.
Many moons ago there were two comps, one with 700 pupils and one with 900.
They were taken over by the Academy chain and merged.
Numbers rapidly dropped to 800
Then the new building (capacity 1000) was built at a cost of £13m
as numbers fell to around 500
No teacher was made redundant. It was not necessary shall we say Wink

For two terms they had no permanent language teachers.
For one term they had no permanent science teachers.

HRHLadyFarquhar · 17/07/2015 14:38

Hah! Er, I mean, how odd. The schools I'm thinking of have had simply unaccountable failures to retain language teachers and SLT have had interesting approaches for the language department to consider, in their attempt to make the school prospectus sound better.

Spartans · 17/07/2015 14:42

our school will never be closed, because it is a high profile sponsored academy with a shiny new building

You asked what would we do in the same position. I told you what I would and did do. I am confused by this comment

ASettlerOfCatan · 17/07/2015 15:58

YANBU to want your kid in the best school for them. However you should go in assuming that socialising with parents and playdates for kids may be difficult. Personally I have 3 DC and would have neither the time nor the energy to do playdates that involved a 1 hour round trip. If a friend lived so far away it would be likely a case of holidays/weekends only and suggesting split the drives eg 1 parents drops off the other picks up.

I hope the school is worth the journey. Only you and your DC will know that.

Good luck

BrianButterfield · 17/07/2015 16:28

On the socialising side, don't assume that village schools mean everyone lives next door to each other except you. Out of interest, I timed how long it took me to drive from one side of my DC's prospective school catchment to the other as I was going through it today. It was 7 minute's drive! So it's not as if every other child in the school can walk round to see the rest of the class any time they want.

Sidalee7 · 17/07/2015 16:29

Reading the ofsted reports and listening to other people's opinions is not making an informed decision! I find so odd that you would not even have a cursory look around.

OP I find you calling small children "rough" incredibly offensive. You chose to buy a house in that area, did you not think about schools then?

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 17/07/2015 16:59

All this "rough" children and "mingling with all walks of life" talk while people allude to how they are not used to this type of aggression. Hmm

Such delicate little flowers. Good grief.

SuburbanRhonda · 17/07/2015 17:32

no your right, that's why we read the Ofsted report and already knew parents that had children at the school that were working to try and move their own children out.

Visiting a school doesn't mean you have to go there. Just a shame you relied on the views of others to inform your decision.

SuburbanRhonda · 17/07/2015 17:36

No, in fact he was very chatty about the fact that at least I'd been honest. It was a very cordial and friendly conversation.

How diplomatic of him to ignore how rude you were.

TalkinPeace · 17/07/2015 18:34

Suburban
I was not rude to him. I stated my view and we chatted for a good 10 minutes afterwards.
500 families have voted with their feet in my area.

SuburbanRhonda · 17/07/2015 21:07

talkin

So if a parent said to you that hell would freeze over before they invited your child for a play date, would you consider that rude?

TalkinPeace · 17/07/2015 21:11

No,
But then I'm not the head teacher of a school that was foisted on the area against the wishes of absolutely everybody.
He was at the public session and what I said was minor compared with what else has gone on.

TheRealAmyLee · 17/07/2015 21:18

YANBU for wanting your DC to go to the best school for them. If this is the best school and you can hack the commute then best of luck to you. Socialising may be harder but not impossible, it just means you will likely have to do more weekend/holidays type visits when there is more time or do more driving.

SuburbanRhonda · 17/07/2015 21:42

talkin

You should have directed your ire at the decision-makers, not the staff probably trying to do the best for the students.

Sounds like you made a right show of yourself in public.

TalkinPeace · 17/07/2015 21:47

suburban
I did nothing of the sort.

And as for the decision makers - yup they were voted out the next year
but we are still stuck with a school that nobody wants, hence why it is half empty.

SuburbanRhonda · 17/07/2015 22:00

I'm not disputing the likelihood of a school being opened where it wasn't needed. The previous government did a lot of that.

Where I think you were wrong was in being so rude to someone in a public forum. I can't believe you could imagine what you said was in any way acceptable.

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