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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to send dd to an out of catchment school

201 replies

Tunrasmus · 16/07/2015 17:16

dd starts in year r in September in a school about 30 mins from us. this is because our local primary is awful, full of really rough kids. the area is pretty rough basically, but our house is a good size and we dont want to go smaller for more money. with respect of the school - i just don't want her there. all the mums stand outside smoking and when i went for the open day i saw that they give an award for attendance! expectations just seemed so low. i'm sending her to this really sweet little rural school instead. ive suddenly worried that the other mums might think i'm ridiculous? we had the 'introductory' day at school last week and some of the mums looked completely perplexed that we would travel half an hour to school! one even asked how we would do playdates or nights at the pub with other parents, with us being so far away Confused.

OP posts:
TalkinPeace · 17/07/2015 22:04

You were not there.
I was.
It was perfectly acceptable in that time and place.
Which was not a "public" forum.

Read what I said about the history of the school : we desperately need a school here, just not that one.

CookieDoughKid · 17/07/2015 22:12

I think you are totally reasonable. It's your child's education at stake. You get one chance!

I commute 30minutes each way to my out of catchment school. It's an outstanding state school - 35% leave yr6 with SAT scores level 6 for Maths, 25% for English. Level 4 scores less than 15% across board. I go buy the parents hanging outside the school gate. They are doctors/dentists/lawyers or mums who set highly educated or have had high flying careers. I'm not there to be friends necessarily but I want my dc to be in with a bright cohort from ambitious families. Why not?

Socials are a pain due to the commute but small price to pay for happy dc.

SuburbanRhonda · 17/07/2015 22:41

He was at the public session

It was perfectly acceptable in that time and place.
Which was not a "public" forum.

So which was it?

TalkinPeace · 17/07/2015 22:44

It was a consultation session where members of the public could attend
it ran for several days
when I spoke to him only his deputy was in earshot
at other times there were large groups of people there

SuburbanRhonda · 17/07/2015 23:10

You know, even if there was no-one else there at all, you were still rude.

Sounds like he had the upper hand if he was still friendly towards you even after your shoddy behaviour.

TalkinPeace · 17/07/2015 23:14

wow you are so judgey when in posession of so little of the information.

SuburbanRhonda · 17/07/2015 23:21

I'm in possession of the information you provided, talkin.

violator · 17/07/2015 23:23

People are very very fiercely defensive of their local schools regardless of how godawful they are.
I think it's a bit sheeplike and weird to send your child to the school round the corner just because it's convenient. Even if it's shite.

Yes yes to this.
Inverse snobbery bugs the shit out of me

SuburbanRhonda · 17/07/2015 23:28

No inverted snobbery here.

My DD took the entrance exam for the highly academic school in the next town and got offered a place. But after the open evenings she decided she preferred the local school, bottom of the league in our (very large) LEA.

She had a five minute walk to school and made lots of friends. Oh, and aced her GCSEs Smile.

violator · 17/07/2015 23:34

It depends on your own experience, doesn't it?
I grew up in a rough area. Bad name. Bad rep.
There was no local school when my eldest sibling was due to start so we all ended up on a bus for 30 minutes to get to a different school, not a private school but with a decent rep and parents who gave a shit.
Of the 15 kids or so kids I played with on the road who did go to the subsequently built local school, not one went on to third level education. Three of them were dead by 30 from heroin.
As someone said earlier, if you grow up in a rough as fuck area, your scrote radar is well tuned in.
Mine is. I'm streetwise because of where I grew up, would I send my kids to the school there? Not a hope in hell.

SuburbanRhonda · 17/07/2015 23:44

Three of them were dead by 30 from heroin.

It's nice you kept in touch with them for 15 years, though Grin

BertrandRussell · 18/07/2015 00:01

"Inverse snobbery bugs the shit out of me"

Me too. Not quite as much as your basic, ordinary snobbery- but they are both pretty bad.

violator · 18/07/2015 00:07

Nah I didn't keep in touch. You do hear about deaths.
I'm a snob for wanting better for my kids? Above my station? Haha.

ArcheryAnnie · 18/07/2015 00:11

I had to walk mine 40 mins to a school which sounds pretty much like the one you are avoiding. It was the kind of school where you go to when you can't get in anywhere else. My DS went because we indeed couldn't get in anywhere else - we could not afford private and could not find a time machine to covert to Catholicism before he was born, to get into any of the schools local to us. And you know what? It turned out to be lovely. It may well have been a lot less lovely with people like you in it, OP, so off you go to your naice little rural school with parents who look exactly like you, and much good may it do you.

slippermaiden · 18/07/2015 00:49

By sending your child to an out of area school, if he/she has any siblings they will automatically follow and maybe preventing a more local child from attending their local school! This happened to me and is so frustrating. We were given a further away school so o have no one to help with pick up etc as no one lives near us. Half hour drive twice a day is going to kill you, that's 2 hours a day your child could be playing, or doing an activity. 10 hours a week travelling!!

Mamiof3 · 18/07/2015 02:43

I know a woman who basically attended church in a village 15 miles from her house to get her dd in at the tiny village school attached to it

Her reasons: there were 4!!! Porches doing the school run when she went to look round, and there aren't any 'ethnic' children in the whole school! Which is apparently 'so unusual these days' .

Absolutely vile woman. She calls people who live in council houses 'scummy', she's the real scum.

Also her dd is annoyingly precocious and so are all her little friends. It's like a school of Verruca Salts .

Lurkedforever1 · 18/07/2015 03:31

People get offended when you don't follow the general consensus of sending your child to the local one, because by choosing differently in their heads you're insulting their choice.
Also while it's well to consider the social difficulties like play dates at the further away one, going to the local one won't necessarily solve it. There's a core group of scrotes at the local one, and I certainly wouldn't want my child spending any large amounts of time at their homes or under their influence and morals. The financially deprived homes, or the 'bit rough round the edges' homes, or the uneducated etc shouldn't cause anyone but a snob to be put off. But kids are kids, if they get friendly with one of the scrotes kids, you can't tell a 5yr old they can't go to x's for tea because you don't want them playing on a busy road while their mum stands in the garden telling the toddler to get the fuck in you annoying twat.

Whipnaenae · 18/07/2015 03:52

You will be in the car for over an hour twice a day. Don't you won't more out of life, like a career?

Whipnaenae · 18/07/2015 03:52

Want not won't

Hurr1cane · 18/07/2015 04:19

I travel 45 minutes to school in the morning. It's more like 30 in the afternoon for collection due to traffic.

I do this because my son has severe special needs and disabilities and this is the closest school that can meet his medical, care and academic needs.

It's fucking boring. Honestly I'm not sick of all my favourite music because I have to listen to it so much on the drive. But I have no choice at all.

As for play dates, we all travel pretty far away or get transport so we don't tend to meet up for any play dates, he has his own local friends because of the charity I run to provide activities for them.

Prepared to be bored of the school run. Feel panicked when trying to get to poorly DC on that really long drive and having sick in your car on the drive back because it's too long to travel with a stomach bug.

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/07/2015 08:32

Not any more slipper

catchment comes before siblings now.

and in repeat. It's not snobby to want a good school for your child. nor is it selfish to do what you feel is best as opposed to engaging in social experiments using your own child. People will always do what they feel is the best for their children where they can and you should too. because honestly, no one cares if your on the pa, you plan to raise money for new equipment and thanks to.little daisy teachers now have a level 3 table and a set of rainbow fairy books.

It's every man for themselves. This one thing has to be.

SuburbanRhonda · 18/07/2015 09:08

I'm still wondering how good the OP's chosen school can be if it has spaces for families who live a 30 mile drive away. Our school is a community school - some families like it, others don't, but we're still full for September.

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/07/2015 09:11

Please type of village or rural schools have places still. I checked after allocation day and there were still schools a few miles away that had spaces. A couple were obviously the crap ones but others were just village schools.

If op is rural there's a high chance in surrounding rural areas that there are spaces

SuburbanRhonda · 18/07/2015 09:39

Is the OP rural, then?

NatGeo · 18/07/2015 09:53

Suburban Blimey! OP didn't say it was 30 miles away she said a 30 minute journey, two very different things, and as to how good can the school possibly be if it's got free places, it's not about that, it's about how much better than the local school it is.