to send dd to an out of catchment school

[Tunrasmus]

dd starts in year r in September in a school about 30 mins from us. this is because our local primary is awful, full of really rough kids. the area is pretty rough basically, but our house is a good size and we dont want to go smaller for more money. with respect of the school - i just don't want her there. all the mums stand outside smoking and when i went for the open day i saw that they give an award for attendance! expectations just seemed so low. i'm sending her to this really sweet little rural school instead. ive suddenly worried that the other mums might think i'm ridiculous? we had the 'introductory' day at school last week and some of the mums looked completely perplexed that we would travel half an hour to school! one even asked how we would do playdates or nights at the pub with other parents, with us being so far away .

all kids play roughly tunrasmus, even middle class ones.

• but they do play roughly, thats what i mean"

No you don't!

I also think you have over egged the 'poor school'. No way we're all the mums outside smoking

why can't they? I've been sworn at and called names and spat at by kids from a couple of the not so good schools round here. god you should hear some of them in the park. totally believable the mums are just as bad outside the gates

I don't see any harm in chancing getting into a better school by applying and seeing if there is space.

You have the space now, so there really any need to be chuntering on about rough kids and smoking mums.

Er, I doubt the school mums will be offering you a sleep over to go out boozing with them.

OP...you;ve obviously posted here because you're a bit nervous etc but you should post again in chat and ask for experiences there.

I think you might have unrealistic expectations of what a mums night out might involve!! Sleeping over at someone's house ? No chance!!

I think you do have to be realistic about how far people will travel for a playdate - usually parents are fitting it in around commitments for other children ("I'll pick up X on the way to collect Y from tennis" etc) so I do think 30 minutes each way will be difficult.

But no. YANBU in wanting to send your child to a good school, whatever you perceive "good" to be. Every parent does what they think is best, but in terms of managing the logistics that go with that, for 7 years, may be difficult.

well look its not the rough kids and the smoking mums that i care about! its the new mums that im worried might think im being ridiculous by travelling so far - and also another one of them was like - wow that will be way to far for us to come for a playdate. i was surprised at their reaction! and i guess im worried now that they will think im a bit of a snob for wanting to send dd somewhere else as i did explain what the schools were like in our area and one mum was like - why dont you move then? and i was like because i like the size of our house - and she looked surprised. that was all.

Loads of dcs out of catchment at dds outstanding school us

you just called them 'rough' again!

There will be no playdates I can tell you now.

Sleeping over after a night at the pub! Noooo. You'll have to forgo a little drinkiepoos I am afraid. Embrace the Appletiser.

DD goes to an out of catchment school. I chose it because I liked it best. I'm fortunate that our local school is good, but the out of catchment one had a spark to it that I just loved. It's very small and rural and I'd guess 75-80% of the kids are out of catchment, although more like 15 minutes away rather than 30. It's not insurmountable to do play dates and Mums' nights out. It's not that far away. Less convenient than the same town, but doable and a very reasonable compromise for sending DCs to a school that you like.

We are a very nice local village school.

We have smoking mums and dads, travellers, children that play roughly, children who are LAC, children that are from very rich families, children with nannies and mothers helps, children with their own ponies and children who don't know if they'll have any tea tonight.

We also have attendance awards (as do all the schools, including secondary schools, in the county - there is an annual prize giving at the cathedral).

I think you haven't looked closely enough and have judged the school and its pupils unfairly.

sorry i dont know what else to call them? they play rough, they look rough, they act rough - i was brought up to call a spade a spade

My DC are at a school approx 25 mins away by car. We manage just fine, with logistics and socially.

Pick what you believe to be the best school for your particular kids. The rest is just fluff.

i dont mean 'rough' as in ugly FGS

Op I'd be more worried about the parents at new school. They sound judgemental.

thanks downtheroad x

yy 30 mins isn't that far really.

I mean Dds school can take that to get to depending on traffic and it's only 4 miles away.

I live closest to DS's school, some people come from up to 30 mins away.

I have NEVER and will never invite a mum to sleep over after a drink. That is a hilarious suggestion & I'd try to put it out of your mind if I were you.

To answer your question, there's nothing wrong with choosing a school that suits your child.

Don't expect other children to come for play dates though, it's 2 hours of driving assuming the parents are going home in between.

If I were you, I'd forgo my big house in a rough area and move nearer to the school, you're going to be travelling back and forth for many years to come.

If you live in a rough area the mums in the posh village will think you are rough and won't want their DCs being friends with yours anyway so no need to worry about play dates!

So you've roundly slagged off your area as rough and told the other mums you won't move because you want a big house. You realise they have you down as every bit as unsuitable as your neighbours don't you.

Go for the school you like, but I wouldn't be driving for an hour to pick up from a play date so you will have difficulty reciprocating and invites will be sparse if others are local. You will have to find other ways to support her friendships.

giles every mum??? I am not saying none I am saying ALL the mums are not stood outside the school smoking. Some, probably. All....no

I'm amazed you got into a very good school 30 min away from you. Very good schools don't often have that sort of spare capacity. I doubt the mums a naice school thought you a snob, on the contrary, they will have heard where you live and thought you're rough, just like you think your neighbours are. As for play dates, as you said, the other parents already said that would be too far for us (translate: wrong side of the rail tracks)

I suspect it's the "rough" parents/children that stand out though OP - easy to focus on the 5% that you don't like than the totally innocuous 95% (or whatever the percentages are). My DC's school has parents smoking outside, gives attendance awards and is in a "rough" area. There are still a good number of "naice" middle class parents though.

In answer to your specific queries, I think it depends where the rest of the children at the far away school live. If they all live very locally to the school, then they likely will think you odd and they won't want their DC's to go on a playdate (which will mean an hours round trip to pick them up. Plus if everyone is local you will miss out on the community spirit.

too late to think about it now though surely?