"has she got a boyfriend" ? FUCK OFF

[trufflehunterthebadger]

SIL (and many other people apparently) seem absolutely fixated with DD having a "boyfriend"

"Has she got a BF yet ?"
"Ah, she has got a crush on uncle x"
"That boy is rough because he likes you"

DD is 5. WTF is wrong with people ? aibu that this topic ends up in me cutting off the person asking the fucking stupid vapid question quite curtly ? DD really likes SIL's husband and the other day it was "aww, she's got a crush on him, look, she won't leave him alone" . MIL is nearly as bad

Has anyone had this ? Why on earth do people do it ?

Yanbu, it's just fucking weird. This thread has reminded me of a memory I've dredged up. In infants/ primary school my best friend was a boy. When I was about 5/6 I went to his for a play date and his 18 year old sister made us play 'dress up'. I had to wear a wedding dress and he wore a suit and his mum took pictures of us holding hands. So fucked up thinking back, where the hell did they get the outfits from?! Did they get them especially to make me dress up in them?! I didn't tell my mum because I felt a bit uncomfortable about it all but she'd have hit the roof if she'd found out

Thought about this thread last night. We went to a village event and were sitting at a table near the water fountain. The children were all off playing and we were talking to another couple that were sitting opposite. One of DD's (9) classmates came to get a drink of water, he and DD are good friends and he always buys her little gifts with his pocket money. He said hi to us and the woman opposite said "Shake hands with your father in law". The poor child was clearly embarrassed. DH just patted his back and said for him to go back and play. Why do that to a child for your own entertainment ?

I don't get why people choose not to protect their children in favour of respecting social norms and not rocking the boat or upsetting a family member or a friend. Protecting them and their childhood should be our number one priority, not protecting a perverted uncle with a cheeky smile, or a MIL who thinks its sexy the way a toddler smiles at her husband. Where are some of these moral compasses pointed? Surely we know where condoning these people's behaviours leads?

Nor rocking the boat, not riot, autocorrect.

F**king autocorrect on this site is sh....

Ellie lots of posters have expressed the same opinion, if you have bothered to read!

EllieFAntspoo It's frequently mothers who call their own sons sexy. What would or could you do about that?

Hang on Ellie is the reference to rioting a Freudian slip

It's frequently mothers who call their own sons sexy. What would or could you do about that?

A mother who thinks of her son as sexy is not a very good mother IMO. I might be a bit of a prude, but looking for sexual excitement in your child is WAY out of what I think of as being a normal mother/child relationship.

Hale storm, that is a frightening recollection! For an adult to look at a 6 year old and talk about marriage means that they are thinking about sex and legitimizing it! I think you were very lucky to only get gross comments like that from that man.

It's sort of like pedo grooming language isn't it?

I think flirting, sexy and crushing are grooming words, and enforced kissing of whiskery aunties for eg is setting up children for breach of boundaries.

I suppose we don't want our children to be preyed upon by perverts, (or anyone) and can see where this kind of language may lead so we are adverse to it.

How many boys who are called "sexy" by their own mothers turn the tables and call the girls in their class sexy during break time? Now there's something to put you off your lunch.

Mothers who do call your boys sexy, why not call him handsome instead? It may stop him becoming a creepy bloke who objectifys women, and ends up on the LTB threads.

I stand by what I said at the start of the thread.
Thick as shit .
I am judging.

Rubyroux, you've reminded me of a similar story - when we were kids, my sister was very fond of the little boy next door. The two mothers (his and ours) organised a 'wedding' with white dress, veil ( bits of old net curtain or whatever), flowers etc and they were made to kiss each other. I really can't remember the details but I hope it was on the cheek. The children would have been about 6 at the time. Looking back, it seems to me like highly inappropriate stuff organised by 2 stupid women for their own amusement.

I frequently remembered being ordered to kiss other adults (granny, uncle, aunt etc) as a child. I wouldn't dream of forcing a child to give any physical contact to anyone.

Indeed LottaPianos when a more powerful person forces a less powerful person into physical contact to gain pleasure that is described by a number of names, the most serious of which has four letters and rhymes with shape.

If your son does not want to kiss Grandma that's the end of it. Too bad if she's upset. She'll have to get over herself.

I never understand adults who actually get upset if a child won't kiss or cuddle them. Surely anyone can see that it doesn't necessarily mean child doesn't like you!

And in fact, thinking about it, this idea of getting children to kiss all and sundry is a bit weird. We don't do it as adults so why are children expected to?

I have fine handsome sons and would find it absolutely revolting to regard them as sexy. How bloody odd.

My dds value themselves far too much to kiss anyone they don't want to.

I have never brought up mine to give kisses to others unless they wished to.

As for talking about children having crushes on adult friends or relatives I would assume the person spouting that crap is either incredibly stupid or a paedophile. Neither would be welcome near any child of mine.

Op yanbu. Crush this in the bud right now.

yanbu, it's creepy and weird

It isn't just women either. When one of my dd's was a couple of months old, we went out for a family meal, waiting at the bar for a table was a bloke with his partner and their tiny baby, a little boy. We struck up a convo about the babies, as you do, and we were told that the little boy had been very premature, quite ill but was now home and doing well. The dad was soooo proud of his wee boy, it actually brought a tear to my eye, he was clearly so happy to have his boy home and to be a "normal" parent to a baby. THEN he started calling his ds "sexy boy" and my dd "sexy girl" and started going on about how maybe they should give each other a kiss (nb my dd was maybe 2 months old, the little boy a few weeks older but had been prem so corrected age maybe the same). Just UGGHHH. Didn't have the heart to have a go at him given his story but we broke off the conversation at that point and made sure we didn't sit anywhere near them.

IKnowRight That's revolting, and also the first time I have heard of a father saying it about his child. There is a poster upthread who calls her son sexy, and I wonder if she'd be fine with other people calling him sexy too.
I can't get my head around how these people think.
What actually goes through the (tiny) mind of someone who says that their baby has a crush on an adult man for example? It's such a sick and perverted way of thinking, to say that, just because a baby has smiled at someone.

Yeuk yeuk! So bloody wrong on all levels.

Avocadotoast, some adults are only babies themselves when it comes to emotional maturity. Some adults, parents included, cant see past their own needs and wants. I think some people think it reflects well on them if their child gives out kisses to all and sundry - oh what a polite, compliant, cute little boy / girl you have. Its pathetic and very worrying

I'm so glad there's been none of the usual hysteria about 'judging' on this thread. Some people deserve to be judged.

Most of my social conditioning as a child was about learning to be subordinate and doing as I was told, even if it made me very unhappy. That included giving kisses to elderly relatives, even if they had been absolutely vile to me during our visit. I clearly remember my dad's mum, (who even when alive people would talk about how immature, manipulative and mean she was) refusing to give me chocolate as I wouldn't kiss her goodbye, and me being carried out of the house in disgrace, and also crying desperately, because of it. It was all about children doing as they were told, having to sit, stand, kiss, hug etc. when told to, but adults getting what they wanted.

Can you imagine if someone in that kind of family atmosphere was inclined to want more than kisses from a child? Thankfully that didn't happen, but the mantra of complete unquestioning obedience was very strong.

The last time I saw my 4yr old niece she was telling me all about her best friend who is a boy. Everytime her parents mentioned him they called him her boyfriend, niece called him her friend or best friend.

I thought it was really odd that they kept calling him her boyfriend when she didn't. It implies that boys and girls can't be friends, also I thought niece might not be straight when she is older, so why call a close male friend a boyfriend? I doubt they'd call her a close female friend her girlfriend.

Years ago my grandma used to ask me or my mum the same. Even at the time I hated it. She seemed obsessed. Probably just had very little other stunning conversation in retrospect, odd.

Another thing I don't like is when someone says "He / she is going to break a few hearts one day" about a child. An ex boyfriend says it about some kid who was the daughter of a relations new partner and it made me uncomfortable. Perhaps it was that this kid was already being checked out for her attractiveness.

I've just remembered, dp's mum and brother often say my dd has "got eyes for grandad" (dp's dad). I don't really know what they mean by it, but it does make me cringe when I hear it.