"has she got a boyfriend" ? FUCK OFF

[trufflehunterthebadger]

SIL (and many other people apparently) seem absolutely fixated with DD having a "boyfriend"

"Has she got a BF yet ?"
"Ah, she has got a crush on uncle x"
"That boy is rough because he likes you"

DD is 5. WTF is wrong with people ? aibu that this topic ends up in me cutting off the person asking the fucking stupid vapid question quite curtly ? DD really likes SIL's husband and the other day it was "aww, she's got a crush on him, look, she won't leave him alone" . MIL is nearly as bad

Has anyone had this ? Why on earth do people do it ?

No, LHReturns you don't have a flirting baby. Please stop it. You have a baby that engages with other people. I think your perception is awful quite honestly and, if you truly have concern about children in your care then stop because all you're doing is joining in with the 'thick people' in their thickness and it isn't harmless at all.

Ok ok, accepted about the flirting, I was being lighthearted.

Dad has no problem with his daughter talking to me about boys. Lyingwitch I am genuinely interested in the second part of your post...are you saying stop my stepdaughter talking to me about boys? I asked for advice so want to be sure I have got it. You can be nice about it, you dont have to sound aggressive about it...I am listening!

I agree with Lying. LH Interpreting what your baby does as 'flirting' is wrong. Very wrong. You need to find another way of thinking and describing what he is doing.

No, not your stepdaughter, LH, it was the baby flirting that irritated me because of your continued justification of it given that the thread isn't very lighthearted. I'm not aggressive about it, it just made me feel a bit sick.

Agree with Camel, speak to your stepdaughter's dad for his views on his daughter, I'm sure he'll let you know if he's not happy with the content/direction of them. It sounds like you have a nice relationship with her and as long as she steers the discussion and you respond as you say you do there shouldn't be any problem.

Totally accepted, my white flag is up!

Cross-posted with LH, but I still disagree strongly with the word in relation to children and babies, regardless of how 'lighthearted' the intention. People calling babies 'sexy' is presumably 'lighthearted' too. Doesn't make it any less wrong.

Thank you that is good to know. We do have a nice relationship...

Maths lesson erm my opinion is that 11 is completely different to 5 (op situation) in relation to this no need for the sarky response.

Sorry, LH I keep cross-posting with you. I'm a very slow typist without my reading glasses on.

No probs Grunt, I have enjoyed this exchange, appreciated the feedback, and got good value from the entire thread!

I wonder what people are thinking when they make sexualized comments like that about children, or to children. Just what makes them think it's appropriate!

LH - my daughter is a year older than your DSD. DD likes to talk about boys, and they all seem to spend lunch time discussing who has a crush etc. BUT atm, they don't want anything more than sitting next to someone, or maybe holder hands at the most. I think she's at the right age to start experiencing those feelings, and to want to talk about them, but without it going any further. At the same time as talking about all this, DD hates seeing kissing on movies etc so I'm not too worried that she's about to move on from thinking about boys to kissing them.

For the general discussion - it's the assumption that getting a boyfriend, being physically attractive, and getting married are the highest goals in a person's life. It seems to happen more to girls than boys. My family always seem to ask "what are you going to be when you grow up?" which seems more relevant.

I'd start saying things like, "she wants a high powered career, a house of her own, and then she'll see if there are any men out there good enough for her."

My mum used to say this kind of thing about DD, even in company eg if we were at a family event and there were people we didnt even know there, and I HATED it. Mum would always pretend I was being over-sensitive...seeing this post has brought back the annoyance I felt...! Tell them to shut up if they've nothing sensible to say OP. Thats what I had to say to my mum

Kickassangel, thank you so much. What I witness re the boys here is the same...My stepdaughter also cannot stand watching kissing in films (if her dad is there, she doesn't mind me so much), and she squeals with horror when her dad and I 'schmooch' (her and my DSS awful word!).

I also throughly agree with your final point...this is a very good point also re my DSD as she likes to know about my working life, my separate life in London, what I am doing when I am so busy. She doesn't think I am dependent on her father which I agree is a good thing for her to witness, while she also deals with suddenly finding boys interesting!

"DD hates seeing kissing on movies etc"

I had to laugh at this. I've hated that all my life and I'm happily married and in my 60s.

I hate this too. And I'm amazed at how many parents facilitate the 'boyfriend/ girlfriend' thing. My dd was asked to a play date by another mum because her ds had a crush on my dd! Err no thanks!

I call my son sexy boy, im obviously a common sun reader ( I'm not )
It's just lighthearted

It's not lighthearted, maxxytoe, it's ridiculous and it's not at all harmless no matter what you think. Can you not think of any better words to describe your son?

I know there's a wave of it on FB, always has been, but there's no need to follow every little oddity on there. Calling a child 'sexy' is creepy there's no other interpretation and no excuse for it. Urgh.

Dorty maxxytoe I think its horrible. No matter what age he is.

That should be sorry not dorty

Yep, I'll bite.

maxxytoe do you know the definition of the word sexy?

Yep, sexy is not a word for children. Its sick, to be quite frank. I don't care how lighthearted you are.

I hear a lot of this. It is part of how children are raised to think that they should be straight and should have a partner. Instead of just letting them be.

Sexy? Why oh why does anyone think this is an appropriate way to describe a child.

It absolutely revolts me when people say this.

Sexy boy? Seriously? Clever, sweet, lovely, kind, generous, lots of other words you could use. None with the problems and connotations of 'sexy' for a CHILD.