"has she got a boyfriend" ? FUCK OFF

[trufflehunterthebadger]

SIL (and many other people apparently) seem absolutely fixated with DD having a "boyfriend"

"Has she got a BF yet ?"
"Ah, she has got a crush on uncle x"
"That boy is rough because he likes you"

DD is 5. WTF is wrong with people ? aibu that this topic ends up in me cutting off the person asking the fucking stupid vapid question quite curtly ? DD really likes SIL's husband and the other day it was "aww, she's got a crush on him, look, she won't leave him alone" . MIL is nearly as bad

Has anyone had this ? Why on earth do people do it ?

Flora that's horrible

My DD is only a tiny baby but I decided long ago that I'd never ever make my children kiss or cuddle anyone they didn't want to. I see it all the time with my cousin (she's nearly 5) - she'll be asked "are you giving kisses?" as she's leaving somewhere but it never seems like she has a choice in it. If she doesn't want to kiss or cuddle me I just leave it and say "ok, see you next time then" but a couple of my family members will be all "oh please, just a little kiss" and I find it so uncomfortable.

I would never want my child to be in a position where they feel they have to give physical affection to please anyone, let alone an adult.

My friend does this with her kids. Youngest son who is six has twin gfs, he's going to marry both of them (according to her). They all have sen.

Recently mentioned a friend's son who is 9 and told her 10 year old dd said boy thinks dd is sexy. Thinks this is great.

I cringe every time she comes out with stuff like this.

At a recent awards night at my son's school a few of the girls had family members (I assume that's who they were) wolf whistling them when they went up on stage to collect medals and shake hands with the head teacher.

Sorry to slightly go off topic truffle but I found that highly inappropriate too. What is wrong with these people whose default seems to be sexualisation?

coffee that is horrendous as is the 'enforced kissing', which I also despise, in Avocado's post.

I've just realised also that there will be posters reading this thread who are the perpetrators of 'sexy lil baby' and such other really creepy terms... if you're reading and you do this, stop it. It's not ok AT ALL.

Christ, saying a 5 year old has a crush on her uncle is hideous . I hate when people go on about children having girlfriends/boyfriends. It's so fucking inappropriate, it makes me feel sick. Sexualising children and their innocent normal attachments to adults is sickening and leaves children ripe to be groomed for sexual abuse. I bet you feel you want to distance yourself from these fuckwits, I know I would. Tell them you find their language inappropriate.

The uncle may also be 5....

Now that would be weird! Uncle is Sil's husband according to the post.

I've even heard it said of a 15month old baby that "she has a crush" on a man because she was smiling at him! It's so sick. It really disgusts me that so many people think like this.

She's 5!! No I have not come across this, I thought you were going to say she was 18 or something. .

tobysmum and if he were it would be relevant to this thread. Children are just children and shouldn't be shackled with this mawkish, creepy nonsense.

I was told that I was flirting at 2... I was 2. That's very young and apparently the men that I was flirting with were 'enchanted'. I think that they would possibly have kindly tolerated my 2 year old babbling and playing without reading anything sinister into it that I was sizing them up for matrimony.

I understand that it's just stupid commenting but it's insidious and seems to be socially acceptable to a great many people. It isn't with me and never will be.

I agree with never knowing the age of an uncle. My daughter is 9 her classmates uncle is his best friend and is in the year below them.

Oh yes, Lying I can't stand it when people say babies or children are "flirting". As for people calling them "sexy" there's something seriously wrong with them.

Someone told me once that my ds had 'bedroom eyes'. He was four months old at the time.

It's very clear from the OP that the uncle is an adult.

Wrong and dangerous.
Those types of comments are why children who are sexually abused think it's normal because they see having a 'boyfriend' who's older than them ok as other adults said is was ok.
You should say something, that would piss me off

Jeez, I thought you were going to say your DD was 15, not 5!!

I can't be doing with this either. DS1 is 7 and we don't talk about having "girlfriends" yet, he is still just friends with girls and boys. I expect this will continue for a while yet (at least I hope so).

I walked up to pick up a parcel for my adult DD, with my six months old Granddaughter.

Went into the Office, gave in the card. There was a Postman standing at the back who my GD was squealing at (as they do).

She then looked at the Man dealing with me, then back to the Postman.

"Oh it's me she wants, you don't want him, you're a little flirt"

The other one says "Great, I get stuck with the old one, again"

WTF!

I gave him a good answer (child appropriate).

Birds that's truly sickening! What did you say to them?

Birdsgottafly Yuck! do people actually think about what they are saying.

Slightly off topic but I have another WTF! My daughter, aged 17 but looks older, was walking through town dressed in awful old sweatpants and a tee shirt, when she was approached by a U.KIP canvasser, just before last election. He asked her who she was going to vote for, she said that she was too young to vote, and he looked her up and down and said "you're the kind of girl who could get a man in trouble". Shudder.

I'm nervous having read all this. I have a lovely 10 (nearly 11) year old stepdaughter. I have only been in her life for 2.5 years and so she sees me as her trusted and caring friend, not a parent. And she likes to tell me about boys in her class at school. There are three boys she has mentioned, and each week it seems she changes her mind about which one she likes. They absolutely don't do anything, this is just about who she likes, and who might like her.

I don't initiate these chats, she does...but I do always express interest in return. She seems to like to discuss it with me and never talks about boys with either of her parents. For her it appears to be a special topic that only she and I talk about and she enjoys us having our unique 'thing'...but having read this thread, is this ok? We talk about lots of other things too (her grades, sports, drama and dance classes)....I never indicate that I believe boys are important, but should I be cutting these chats about boys off completely? I would be sad about that as she only sees me EOW, and I thoroughly enjoy her intelligent little updates about the opposite sex.

And totally separately, I have a one year old DS, and he categorically flirts with pretty young women. I understand many people don't like this word with babies, but to me this is pretty harmless and I don't see why I need to come up with a better word, as it is all so innocent anyway. There are lots of words I don't like (and I am not thick or common) but I, for one, do have a flirting baby who targets an attractive face, and it is very cute to witness his performance for them. However, he is NOT sexy! That is terrible!

I agree with all of that, but there is a natural assumption that an uncle is adult is the only point I was making.

Making ridiculous comments about 2 children is not acceptable but I do think with reference to an adult makes it even creepier

LH she is nearly 11, that is different to 5.

Yes, thank you for the maths lesson Tobysmum...lots of people on this thread have spoken about older children with the same concern.