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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you invite your child's friend for a day out you pay for them

281 replies

Candycoco · 03/07/2015 20:33

So over the past couple of years my daughter was invited by her best friends mum to go with them on various days out.

They were all fairly expensive outings, mainly theme parks and to the theatre.

For example, on one occasion we got an invite via text along the lines of, would candy's dd like to come to the theatre with us on whatever date, time to see xxxx. I text back thank you she'd love to. Then got a text back, great ticket is £20. We'd like to go for dinner afterwards and kids meal is £6, if you are ok with that please send the £6 along with the ticket money, if not it doesn't matter we will come straight home afterwards.

I felt like I couldn't say no to the meal as then they'd all come home (dd's friend and her mum and dad), but I also wouldn't dream of inviting dd's friend out and then asking for her to pay for her own meal. Baring in mind she was only 8 or 9 at the time.

This also happened several times where she got invited to legoland etc, and then asked for £30 for the ticket but it then transpired the family have merlin passes so it didn't cost them anything. Yet I was paying for my dd to accompany their only child on their family day out.

I always send my dd with a bit of spending money on days out but I feel like to ask for the entrance fee is a bit off. Also I couldn't really afford to keep doing it in the end as I'm a lone parent so had to put an end to it.

But anytime I've taken dd and her friends out to swimming or Pizza Hut etc I've paid for it. I wouldn't dream of saying to their mum, you owe me £3 for swimming.

I personally think if you can't afford to take your child's friend with you then don't take them at all. I couldn't afford to take dd and her friend to places like that so wouldn't go in the first place unless I could pay for everyone.

None of the kids I've ever taken out have ever brought money to pay for their own cinema ticket or whatever, so what do you think? If you invite out your child's friend, do you cover the cost of it or do you pay for it all yourself as you invited them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Candycoco · 04/07/2015 09:20

Adults absolutely different. Failing to see how you think inviting a kids friend for day out is the same as going for meal and drinks with your own mates ?

OP posts:
Appleblossom82 · 04/07/2015 09:20

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Cabrinha · 04/07/2015 09:20

What rot are you taking now?! If you have more than one child then you don't have to pay for the friend but if you only have one you should?!
Who made these rules and didn't tell me?!

And love that you're calling me tight now! Grin

I suspect I've paid out (willingly) a lot more on other people's kids than you have. Not because I'm more generous - it's an income thing. The same personality / generosity is present in a £3 swimming trip as a £30 theatre trip - it's just money.

Where we differ, is that I can happily see another person's way as just being different, not wrong.

Appleblossom82 · 04/07/2015 09:22

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Hygge · 04/07/2015 09:22

"You forget, I think, that you posted in IABU. Not IANBU and want everyone to agree with me!"

You are wrong. She posted in AIBU? not IABU.

There's a difference, and the default setting of AIBU? doesn't have to be 'yes you are'. Especially when she's not.

Toughasoldboots · 04/07/2015 09:22

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Candycoco · 04/07/2015 09:23

I'm not making up rules lovely, I'm saying those people who have amid sue with paying for the friend they have invited out, perhaps it's because they have several children themselves so it's already an expensive trip for them

OP posts:
Original poster
Candycoco · 04/07/2015 09:24

Have an issue that should have been

OP posts:
Appleblossom82 · 04/07/2015 09:24

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pollyisnotputtingthekettleon · 04/07/2015 09:24

Apple thats the point - it looks like a kind invite to take them. THEN they ask for payment.

Toughasoldboots · 04/07/2015 09:25

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Original poster
Candycoco · 04/07/2015 09:25

No Apple it's just simple etiquette

OP posts:
LadyNym · 04/07/2015 09:26

YANBU OP. DCs are not really at that age yet but from when I was a child I think if you invite someone's kid to something you pay for them and they maybe bring a little money for gift shop/ice cream etc.

However, I don't think there's a problem with asking for the cost of the ticket etc. if you're hard up as long as that's made clear from the very beginning. If nothing about money was mentioned in the initial invite I'd always assume the host was paying. I might still offer money but would expect it to be declined.

Appleblossom82 · 04/07/2015 09:27

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Toughasoldboots · 04/07/2015 09:28

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Appleblossom82 · 04/07/2015 09:30

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MarshaBrady · 04/07/2015 09:31

Yanbu I wouldn't invite a friend of the dc and then ask for money. Especially out for something to eat. Just couldn't send a text to ask for £6

Original poster
Candycoco · 04/07/2015 09:34

Some people just come on here clearly to shout yabu the whole way through! And no matter what information you give them, no matter what questions you answer they just want to shout yabu regardless!

I'm not in the minority, I know I'm not being rude so I'm happy with the way I've been dealing with things, paying for my own daughter and her friend when they come with us. Nothing unreasonable about that

OP posts:
MarshaBrady · 04/07/2015 09:34

Oth I would offer to cover the day out if reversed. Everyone pretty much does the opposite to the op's text situation.

Toughasoldboots · 04/07/2015 09:37

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tobysmum77 · 04/07/2015 09:46

I think the title of your thread is the problem op Wink

For a one off expensive trip yabu, I would insist on paying and feel very uncomfortable if someone else forked out 30/40 quid for dd to get in somewhere. The other family abvu though expecting it to be a regular thing. They are also bu to not offer a penny when you have taken their dd out. They are also possibly bu about the meal, but for me that wouldn't be a biggie.

So everyone is bu.... but I can see your point.

Pagalee · 04/07/2015 09:47

Depends.

If I invite a child out to go swimming, go to the park and have an ice cream, or even out for a meal, I wouldn't ask the parents for money.

I wouldn't 'invite' a child to Legoland or an expensive theme park and pay, though. Its just too much money.

I might say 'we are going to Legoland and if your DD would like to come, I'd be happy to bring her too. Tickets are £30'.

I think thats reasonable.

I wouldn't expect other parents to fork out for expensive outings for my children, either, and if they didn't ask for any money, I would ALWAYS offer anyway.

Nydj · 04/07/2015 09:51

If the parent doing the inviting wants a contribution or full reimbursement, they should make this clear in the invitation not after the invitation has been accepted. I have never asked or expected any money when taking another child on an outing etc.

QuintShhhhhh · 04/07/2015 09:51

So if you don't invite other children to theme parks or the theatre because you can't afford to
Pay for two kids and yourself should you not be glad that your dd has been getting these invites so she gets this experience and you pay for her only? Seems like a win win to me!

You know how this family operates regards to trips out, so it should not come as a surprise that you have to cover your dd ticket time after time.

Out of interest, do you invite this particular friend swimming or to other cheap things? Are you offered money?

tobysmum77 · 04/07/2015 09:52

quint no she isn't offered money if she takes their dd out, it said that somewhere.

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