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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you invite your child's friend for a day out you pay for them

281 replies

Candycoco · 03/07/2015 20:33

So over the past couple of years my daughter was invited by her best friends mum to go with them on various days out.

They were all fairly expensive outings, mainly theme parks and to the theatre.

For example, on one occasion we got an invite via text along the lines of, would candy's dd like to come to the theatre with us on whatever date, time to see xxxx. I text back thank you she'd love to. Then got a text back, great ticket is £20. We'd like to go for dinner afterwards and kids meal is £6, if you are ok with that please send the £6 along with the ticket money, if not it doesn't matter we will come straight home afterwards.

I felt like I couldn't say no to the meal as then they'd all come home (dd's friend and her mum and dad), but I also wouldn't dream of inviting dd's friend out and then asking for her to pay for her own meal. Baring in mind she was only 8 or 9 at the time.

This also happened several times where she got invited to legoland etc, and then asked for £30 for the ticket but it then transpired the family have merlin passes so it didn't cost them anything. Yet I was paying for my dd to accompany their only child on their family day out.

I always send my dd with a bit of spending money on days out but I feel like to ask for the entrance fee is a bit off. Also I couldn't really afford to keep doing it in the end as I'm a lone parent so had to put an end to it.

But anytime I've taken dd and her friends out to swimming or Pizza Hut etc I've paid for it. I wouldn't dream of saying to their mum, you owe me £3 for swimming.

I personally think if you can't afford to take your child's friend with you then don't take them at all. I couldn't afford to take dd and her friend to places like that so wouldn't go in the first place unless I could pay for everyone.

None of the kids I've ever taken out have ever brought money to pay for their own cinema ticket or whatever, so what do you think? If you invite out your child's friend, do you cover the cost of it or do you pay for it all yourself as you invited them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Candycoco · 03/07/2015 20:35

Do they cover the cost, that should have been at the end

OP posts:
paxtecum · 03/07/2015 20:36

I agree with you.
I always paid if we invited other kids and now I'm a grandmother, if I take my DGC out and they want to invite friends then I pay for them too.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 03/07/2015 20:37

Yes, always although sometimes I get given some money towards food but I don't like spending it.

Panzee · 03/07/2015 20:37

I think it's fine either way as long as everyone knows in advance.

hospitalworry · 03/07/2015 20:38

I would expect if invited then other party pays entry and you just give spends
Eg. Dd invited to a west end show with over night accommodation. (we live 2.5 hrs from London)
Never asked for £££ just gave mine money for treats.

Original poster
Candycoco · 03/07/2015 20:39

I think it was probably more annoying as they were always expensive days out and they clearly were too tight to pay it themselves

OP posts:
insertsomethingwitty · 03/07/2015 20:39

I have taken friends' children in the past to theme parks and soft play etc and I would always pay if I invited them.

DonkeyOaty · 03/07/2015 20:39

We always paid for the guest and waved away offers to pay. Sometimes the kiddie would press a tenner in my hand and we would use that for gift shop for the child. If no tenner well we would give them one each to spend.

I would decline further invites from this family.

missqwerty · 03/07/2015 20:39

I always pay, I also send my son with a bit of spending money if he goes out with someone but only for gift shops etc

silverglitterpisser · 03/07/2015 20:39

I always pay n refuse money offered by other parents.

If they push, I will say to send their DC with a few quid in case they see something souvenir-like that they may want (depending on where we r off, obv) but often return that as well.

DidoTheDodo · 03/07/2015 20:41

I would expect to at least offer to pay, especially for expensive outings like this ( not for an ice cream). Then the parents could say " no, this one's on us" and everyone's clear. But I would offer and would not be surprised or at all upset if a full contribution was requested.

DoJo · 03/07/2015 20:41

Unless the request for payment is included in the INITIAL invitation, then I think it's a bit off to ask someone to do something and only spring the price on them after they've accepted.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 03/07/2015 20:41

My mother always paid for me, always. I will pay for my own child in future, unless the other parent specifically says it's a 'treat'. Of course, even then I'd offer petrol money/give some spends just in case. That includes an entrance fee, yes even if they have a pass (although, it's really rude to ask the full amount if they have a 2-4-1 for example. In that case, if they were asking full price, I'd say 'Oh, I have a million of those tokens, so I'll send her with one of those and half the ticket price).

You are not being unreasonble feeling miffed, however maybe you should be as forward as these other parents - 'this is what we are doing, I estimate little Jenny will need to bring £10 for day out and food, thank you'. It's not rude, you don't want to be the one they peg to pay for everything.

CakeNinja · 03/07/2015 20:41

We always cover costs for visiting children. We have taken children to theme parks, cinema, ice skating etc and always paid. If you can't afford if, don't offer.
Parents have sent money along but we have given it back at the end of the day.
We offer because our dc have asked if they can come along. Some day trips can be a lot of money for some people, I wouldn't dream of inviting them along and then asking for money Shock
When our dc go out with friends, I give the parents money to cover the ticket price and then spending money to the dc. It usually comes back again but I never expect it to tbh.

CookieLady · 03/07/2015 20:42

It seems to me that they want your dc for company for their child but are way too tight to pay for her - totally unacceptable. If cost is an issue for them then they should do something else instead.

eddielizzard · 03/07/2015 20:43

if i invite i pay for the whole thing. one parent always insists on sending a bit of money with their child to buy something nice for them and my dc which i think is extremely generous. i wouldn't dream of asking for money. if i couldn't afford to pay for the child i would do something that's free instead.

if i were you next time i'd say 'how much is it?' before accepting. occasionally say no, too expensive.

CrapBag · 03/07/2015 20:43

Clearly they want your DD there to entertain their DD. If that's what they want then they should pay for it. Really off to invite her to expensive trips then say that they want the money from you. I'd have put a stop to it too.

Lovelydiscusfish · 03/07/2015 20:44

Not at this stage yet, but I presume, as the hosting patent, I would pay. An offer to pay for, for example, the theatre ticket, I would feel was polite, but I would decline it. I would hope that they'd be sent with a bit of money for the souvenir shop, where relevant.

Purplepoodle · 03/07/2015 20:46

yanbu. I would reply next time that you can't afford it and leave ball in their court. They have caught you on back foot often enough just be honest with them then they can make the decision.

Appleblossom82 · 03/07/2015 20:46

This reply has been deleted

This poster has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to remove this now.

ASettlerOfCatan · 03/07/2015 20:46

I've always paid for other kids if we decide to take them somewhere. Parents have always offered money which I've refused. Same thing the other way round kids have been taken out and I've offered money and had it refused.

DontCallMeBaby · 03/07/2015 20:47

I invite a friend along because I have an only child and it's nice for her to have company who own age - I don't have to support another child day in, day out, I can at least pay for a day out!

We usually get handed some money by parents when we do this. I pretty much always give all or some back at the end of the day. The only exception was recently when we took DD's friend camping recently - three nights' camping, a lunch out, dinner out, Longleat, I felt 'pocketing' the proffered £20 was okay then.

NealCaffreysHat · 03/07/2015 20:47

I always pay for invited friends. Dd1 was an only child for 11 years and bringing a friend was beneficial to us so factored in that cost. As she has become older we have taken friends on holiday (only Haven) and parents have offered money towards food etc but have refused.

bloodyteenagers · 03/07/2015 20:51

If I invite I pay.
Works out about the same anyway because an extra child you can get the family deal.

I have had it once. Would x like to come theme part? Ok text back.. Quickly followed by a text with the cost... I queried it asking what this covered.. Entrance fee.... Erm no, advance booking is discount. Group is discount so it's xx..
Cheeky fuckers said no it's full price..
So I text back and said well enjoy your day. I ain't subbing your visit.

Funnily enough they couldn't find another mug and word quickly spread.

Felt sorry for their child but fuck it you want to go theme parks you don't con others.

Original poster
Candycoco · 03/07/2015 20:52

I have stopped accepting now as it was getting out of hand and I felt they just wanted their child to have company as she's an only but not to pay for any of her.

In fact after said theatre trip, dd told me when the bill came the dad asked dd for her £6 so she gave him her little hello kitty purse and he took it out to put to the bill. What kind of grown man would do that to a little girl! I was stunned. Tight!!

OP posts: