If you invite your child's friend for a day out you pay for them

[Candycoco]

So over the past couple of years my daughter was invited by her best friends mum to go with them on various days out.

They were all fairly expensive outings, mainly theme parks and to the theatre.

For example, on one occasion we got an invite via text along the lines of, would candy's dd like to come to the theatre with us on whatever date, time to see xxxx. I text back thank you she'd love to. Then got a text back, great ticket is £20. We'd like to go for dinner afterwards and kids meal is £6, if you are ok with that please send the £6 along with the ticket money, if not it doesn't matter we will come straight home afterwards.

I felt like I couldn't say no to the meal as then they'd all come home (dd's friend and her mum and dad), but I also wouldn't dream of inviting dd's friend out and then asking for her to pay for her own meal. Baring in mind she was only 8 or 9 at the time.

This also happened several times where she got invited to legoland etc, and then asked for £30 for the ticket but it then transpired the family have merlin passes so it didn't cost them anything. Yet I was paying for my dd to accompany their only child on their family day out.

I always send my dd with a bit of spending money on days out but I feel like to ask for the entrance fee is a bit off. Also I couldn't really afford to keep doing it in the end as I'm a lone parent so had to put an end to it.

But anytime I've taken dd and her friends out to swimming or Pizza Hut etc I've paid for it. I wouldn't dream of saying to their mum, you owe me £3 for swimming.

I personally think if you can't afford to take your child's friend with you then don't take them at all. I couldn't afford to take dd and her friend to places like that so wouldn't go in the first place unless I could pay for everyone.

None of the kids I've ever taken out have ever brought money to pay for their own cinema ticket or whatever, so what do you think? If you invite out your child's friend, do you cover the cost of it or do you pay for it all yourself as you invited them.

Bertrandrussell...I'm not expecting anyone to say anything, and certainly not anything shitty.

I hate theme parks and would never take my child to one. If someone else enjoys them, is taking their family and invited my child to go with them (and my child wanted to go too) then I'd not consider that to save me anything, as it's not a trip I was intending on doing. If it was something I'd planned to do with my children then I might possibly feel I'd missed out, plus I might actually miss my child's company too so possibly feel it is some degree of sacrifice.

That said I think it is all about being up front, and possibly one of those things that texts make more difficult as in a phone call or face to face you'd be more likely to have a bit of a chat about the proposed trip, logistics, costs etc.

I don't see this sort of thing as a tit for tat situation. I've treated some of dd's friends to things that their parents probably couldn't reciprocate and have no problem with that at all, it's entirely my choice to do so.

If I invite a child to the cinema/pool/any sort of outing, I expect to pay for them. If my DD is invited by another family, I also expect that family to pay for her, but always send her along with plenty of money just in case.

But isn't it good nooka that your DC has the opportunity to experience something that they wouldn't have otherwise done? I was delighted when DS was taken to "Penguins of Madagascar" and "Night at the Museum 3" for obvious reasons .

Oh, you wealthy generous people. Shame you come on MN to moan afterwards.

I don't know if it's good for my child particularly (although they have both had great times with their friends doing various things), yes I would be pleased not to have to endure terrible movies, but then I'm afraid I was a bit fierce about those too, and generally when they have been to see things I thought were a bit rubbish they have generally come home and told me that they were indeed quite rubbish! Still I speak as the parent of teenagers, I'm sure there were terrible things they saw when they were younger that they thought were wonderful.

In practice though this as not been an issue for us, people have asked them to various things, we have offered a contribution, sometimes accepted, sometimes not. However we've not been in a financially strapped position, had our children invited to a high cost activity, said yes and then been asked for the cash for them and found it too hard to say no. That's the trickiness for the OP, and I do think it's not a good way to go about things.