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AIBU?

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Original poster

If you invite your child's friend for a day out you pay for them

281 replies

Candycoco · 03/07/2015 20:33

So over the past couple of years my daughter was invited by her best friends mum to go with them on various days out.

They were all fairly expensive outings, mainly theme parks and to the theatre.

For example, on one occasion we got an invite via text along the lines of, would candy's dd like to come to the theatre with us on whatever date, time to see xxxx. I text back thank you she'd love to. Then got a text back, great ticket is £20. We'd like to go for dinner afterwards and kids meal is £6, if you are ok with that please send the £6 along with the ticket money, if not it doesn't matter we will come straight home afterwards.

I felt like I couldn't say no to the meal as then they'd all come home (dd's friend and her mum and dad), but I also wouldn't dream of inviting dd's friend out and then asking for her to pay for her own meal. Baring in mind she was only 8 or 9 at the time.

This also happened several times where she got invited to legoland etc, and then asked for £30 for the ticket but it then transpired the family have merlin passes so it didn't cost them anything. Yet I was paying for my dd to accompany their only child on their family day out.

I always send my dd with a bit of spending money on days out but I feel like to ask for the entrance fee is a bit off. Also I couldn't really afford to keep doing it in the end as I'm a lone parent so had to put an end to it.

But anytime I've taken dd and her friends out to swimming or Pizza Hut etc I've paid for it. I wouldn't dream of saying to their mum, you owe me £3 for swimming.

I personally think if you can't afford to take your child's friend with you then don't take them at all. I couldn't afford to take dd and her friend to places like that so wouldn't go in the first place unless I could pay for everyone.

None of the kids I've ever taken out have ever brought money to pay for their own cinema ticket or whatever, so what do you think? If you invite out your child's friend, do you cover the cost of it or do you pay for it all yourself as you invited them.

OP posts:
WalterShite · 03/07/2015 20:52

It would depend on what the activity was- a couple of quid for swimming or the cinema, I would pay. £30 theme park ticket? No way! But I'd discuss it with the other parent before inviting the child and would not expect them to pay for their own meal. I'm on a tight budget so I wouldn't invite DS friends on an expensive trip unless their parents were paying.

threenotfour · 03/07/2015 20:54

I would ask for money for something like a theatre ticket or a ticket to a theme park perhaps but that would depend on circumstances really. I would always explain this when initially inviting the other child. I wouldn't spring it on them afterwards. I wouldn't ask for money for things like swimming or a cinema ticket. Nor would I ask for a contribution towards a meal afterwards.

I would never expect another parent to pay for my child if they went out for the day with a friend. I think it's a bit tight of you not pay for your own child. I can't understand how you think they are tight but you aren't? Confused

gunnsgirl · 03/07/2015 20:56

If you invite another child out, you're the host. You pay for them. It's wrong to assume that the other child's family can just lay hands on such an amount for a theme park etc. If they offer money, that's different, choose to accept it or not, but an invite is an invite.

Original poster
Candycoco · 03/07/2015 20:56

Exactly Walter I wouldn't invite kids on those kind of trips either cos I can't afford to pay for their friend too. Swimming or cinema yes. They shouldn't be asking people if they can't afford to pay for their kids friend to go

The fact is they have merlin passes so didn't cost them anything

Another mum at the school told me this had been happening to her too by the same family and she put a stop to it.

OP posts:
TiggieBoo · 03/07/2015 20:56

I think if not specified in the invitation I would assume I have to pay, especially if an expensive outing. I didn't quite get the legoland bit, did they have a family pass that meant your child could go for free, then charged you for it? That's not on. But otherwise, either paying or not paying is fine, as long as it's agreed in advance.

Original poster
Candycoco · 03/07/2015 20:58

It's not that I'm tight threenotfour it's more that I wouldn't ask in the first place as I couldn't afford it. I believe the host pays for the kids if you've invited them out. But I wanted to see what others thought

OP posts:
hospitalworry · 03/07/2015 20:59

Candy
You are normal and right

glenthebattleostrich · 03/07/2015 20:59

I invite so I pay. DD is an only child and enjoys having her friends join us for days out. For holidays we usually take one of her cousins who is quite close in age. Again, we pay for everything. My lovely SIL to be usually sends wine and chocs as a thankyou.

Friends of ours have the same policy too. We often end up with 4 kids at the theatre or cinema so none are left out!

Eminado · 03/07/2015 21:02

I think i am with walter. Theme parks etc are pricey. That said, clear prior discussion is needed.

NealCaffreysHat · 03/07/2015 21:03

I don't think you are tight either op. I am far from well off but if I invite someone I do factor in the extra cost. If it isn't feasible then I either dont invite or speak to the parents before anything is mentioned to the dcs.

JulyKit · 03/07/2015 21:07

I agree with DoJo.

It's a problem with communication, really, rather than etiquette regarding who pays for what.

If you're inviting DCs' friends but not paying for them, then the initial invitation should say: "It will cost...".

But I don't think it's reasonable to expect that other families should pay for everything they invite DCs to. Sometimes it would be lovely for DCs to have friends accompany them to an event, but to pay for the friends as well as DCs would make the day out prohibitively expensive.

Midori1999 · 03/07/2015 21:09

We'll if I invited another child somewhere I would expect to pay for them. However, I also think it's fine for people to ask parents to pay and if one if my DC was invited somewhere i wouldn't mind if I was asked to pay for them.

Ok, maybe they are taking your DC along so their DD has company, but it is also costing you less than if you took your child yourself as you aren't paying for yourself to get in or transport costs etc. plus, your DD gets a day out with her friend and you get a bit of a break. So surely it a mutually beneficial situation?

bimbobaggins · 03/07/2015 21:10

I have an only child so i am more than happy to invite a friend for my ds to have company. If i invite then i always pay. More often than not the other parent offers to pay but i decline. However the invitation is ususally reciprocated.

However you quickly learn the the piss takers who will have you take their dc out time and time again and never offer to return the invite.

BullshitS70 · 03/07/2015 21:11

What on earth? I pay for my kids to go to theme parks when they are invited. Why should their friends pay £30 for my child to enjoy a full day out, even if the invitation was really to keep the other child company?

I am honestly really surprised by the comments on here

DocHollywood · 03/07/2015 21:12

Merlin passes are individual photo-id passes incase anyone was confused and thought the op's dd was getting in for free.

Original poster
Candycoco · 03/07/2015 21:15

But bullshit if those were the only type of invitations you were getting would it wear thin eventually? They never asked her to do cheap things like go to the park or swimming. Was always these big days out

OP posts:
soundedbetterinmyhead · 03/07/2015 21:15

If I'm hosting, I'll pay. If I'm offered money, I would accept, say, a fiver for icecreams for a day out but when we invite people, we want their company, not their cash so if we can't afford something, we'll just go to the park with them or whatever.

It's different when teenage Dcs go out by themselves, there is no 'host' so they chip in and share costs.

JulyKit · 03/07/2015 21:16

bimbo I hope the 'pisstakers' aren't the same people whose offers of payment you decline? Grin

Nameforsexboard · 03/07/2015 21:18

This is a parallel inverse to mine! If my daughter went with another family out I'd expect to pay for her, and be pleased she gets the day out!
Similarly I've taken a friends kid in the hols to help with her childcare and she'd pay entrance fees.

I'd buy an ice cream, share popcorn etc but noway would I pay 30quid for another child!

Your friend in the op would be normal here! They're doing the favour of taking her, doesn't extend to paying..

It's different ifrom you're hosting a birthday party or birthday treat, but helping out with childcare, taking on days out etc is different and great .

How bizarre is known sometimes.

bimbobaggins · 03/07/2015 21:18

No july definitely not.

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 03/07/2015 21:18

I'm in the i would pay for my own child to go out, and if inviting, i would also say "would X like to come to Y, tickets are £XX"

i wouldnt charge for anything else though

Nameforsexboard · 03/07/2015 21:20

Mumsnet, not known!

JakeBallardswife · 03/07/2015 21:20

If you can't afford it you could always say no?

cheminotte · 03/07/2015 21:21

Yanbu. If you invite you pay for all kids or you make it very clear at the first communication that there will be a cost so you can decide if you can afford it before your child knows.

broadbeanstew · 03/07/2015 21:22

I agree, I would usually pay for accompanying kids, but then I would only ever take them somewhere cheap like soft play or swimming etc. If I did want to arrange a theatre trip or something more expensive I might suggest it to the parent but be clear about the cost upfront.

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