If you invite your child's friend for a day out you pay for them

[Candycoco]

So over the past couple of years my daughter was invited by her best friends mum to go with them on various days out.

They were all fairly expensive outings, mainly theme parks and to the theatre.

For example, on one occasion we got an invite via text along the lines of, would candy's dd like to come to the theatre with us on whatever date, time to see xxxx. I text back thank you she'd love to. Then got a text back, great ticket is £20. We'd like to go for dinner afterwards and kids meal is £6, if you are ok with that please send the £6 along with the ticket money, if not it doesn't matter we will come straight home afterwards.

I felt like I couldn't say no to the meal as then they'd all come home (dd's friend and her mum and dad), but I also wouldn't dream of inviting dd's friend out and then asking for her to pay for her own meal. Baring in mind she was only 8 or 9 at the time.

This also happened several times where she got invited to legoland etc, and then asked for £30 for the ticket but it then transpired the family have merlin passes so it didn't cost them anything. Yet I was paying for my dd to accompany their only child on their family day out.

I always send my dd with a bit of spending money on days out but I feel like to ask for the entrance fee is a bit off. Also I couldn't really afford to keep doing it in the end as I'm a lone parent so had to put an end to it.

But anytime I've taken dd and her friends out to swimming or Pizza Hut etc I've paid for it. I wouldn't dream of saying to their mum, you owe me £3 for swimming.

I personally think if you can't afford to take your child's friend with you then don't take them at all. I couldn't afford to take dd and her friend to places like that so wouldn't go in the first place unless I could pay for everyone.

None of the kids I've ever taken out have ever brought money to pay for their own cinema ticket or whatever, so what do you think? If you invite out your child's friend, do you cover the cost of it or do you pay for it all yourself as you invited them.

Please re-read the op. They were not upfront about the costs. I agreed for dd to go then I was told how much to pay. Also being asked to pay for her own meal when they wanted to stop at a restaurant after the theatre is just bloody tight.

As I said loletta we don't do days out with this friend any more

If it is a very good friend I will say outright that my children want their child to come and I can't afford to pay for them but if they don't mind paying I would love the child to come along.

If it isn't a good friend's child then I would not invite them out if I didn't plan to pay for them.

If the person is quite clear straight away that they aren't paying for your child so you have a chance to decline then I don't see a problem with that. It is bad form to invite a child out, wait for the parent to accept then ask for the money.

It happened a few times before I could no longer afford it once I realised they were only interest in a companion for the daughter on merlin days out

I think you just need to text back 'sorry we are in an economic month, so will have to pass on Lego land'

I always offer money if someone takes my child. I also give spending money.

If it was me taking my
child's friend out, I would want to treat them unless I couldn't afford it - in which case I'd accept the cash offered.

im on the fence. if im going on a day out with my kids and one of them wants a friend to come. and im short of money. then i ask the mum but tell them im skint so they will have to pay. but i can pay for their lunch. if i can afford to pay for the child then i do.

if someone asks for my child to go out i make the assumption that im paying

I have read your OP.
It's not like they took her to the theatre and then sent you an invoice!

In the same text conversation, they said "does she want to come to theatre?" "Yes" "tickets are £20".

All you had to say then was "yikes! That's more than I thought - will skip it this time".

Why SHOULD they pay £6 for her meal after the theatre? Yeah it's nice to, and yeah most people on this thread wouldn't ask for the money. But WHY should they pay?

And they were perfectly reasonable about changing their day to include your daughter (best friend of theirs) leaving out the meal if that suited you. You can't complain about having to pay £6 for a meal when they let you choose!

Your OP says this happened over several years. So it's not all the time.

And frankly if the theatre was the first time, then they'd shown how they run things - asking for money.

Good on them for being direct with you. How many times on here do we read people getting getting twisted in knots because they can't just say what they want?

When my son gets an invite like that my first response is always along the lines of "sounds good but depends of how much it costs tbh" that gives them the chance to either say it's xx amount and I can decide or they can offer to pay in which case I'd offer something towards petrol or food costs

First time I was shocked they asked for the money as I just wouldn't dream of doing that to another parent. But went along with it as I'd already said she'd go.

When they started with the theme parks, first time I let her go as the friend had asked dd at school if she was coming and she was all excited. But when it became apparent this was all they were interested in I declined all further Invitations.

The way the text was worded about the meal was that THEY as a family wanted to go for a meal after the theatre but if I didn't pay for dd they'd just go home. So it was like I'd be preventing them from going for a meal. Plus that cost was added on top of the theatre ticket after I'd agreed for her to go. Which I couldn't really afford but had already said yes.

Why would you not treat your kids friend if you are going for a meal anyway?? I think that's incredibly tight not to.

You should definitely pay if you are inviting a child on a day out - unless you are upfront about it from the start.

I can't believe some people. There is absolutely no way that I would expect a parent to pay for an outing if I had invited the child. I have experienced this myself. Indeed I have seen one parent ask for the "per head" cost of a child to go to a party. They'll be paying for their own party bags next! If you can't afford it, don't do it. The end.

I still don't see that they did anything wrong about the theatre /meal.
They said upfront about the ticket price. I do think that in the same exchange is the same as upfront.

And it was YOU that decided you couldn't say no to the £6 as it would prevent them going for a meal. Of course you said no - they said it was up to you. They would perhaps have had a special takeaway later on as a family. Or just left it.

This is their way, that's fine - just decline if you can't afford it.

I'm really confused why it's bothered you so much - were you constantly paying for their child with you, whilst this was going on?

If someone invited my child to an expensive activity I'd either pay or feel obliged to take their child to a similar activity later.

It wasn't a deal breaker though. The family were prepared to change plans depending on what the OP wanted to pay for.

I'm with you in that I wouldn't ask. I just don't think it's wrong to ask.

I just picked up a friend's child from school today - a favour, requested by her. Suggested she pick her up for McD later (she knows I often take my child there on Fri). So - I'm doing the favour, and McD was her idea. She arrives after I've just got the Happy Meal. Offers to pay. I say "don't be so bloody silly!"

But if she hadn't offered? I'd have thought she was cheeky. (actually I'd have though she was distracted and hadn't thought). But generally - I'd find that cheeky.

So - if I think that the other parent should expect it to be free, then I think I have to accept that it's OK to ask. I don't think, invited or not, large cost or small, anyone should be EXPECTED to pay.

I'm more than happy to pay for my daughter's friends. But the minute I'm expected to, I'll drop that parent.

All that matters to me is that people are clear - and I think these parents were.

Perhaps my view is coloured by having been used by an absolute leech of a woman, who let me pay for theatre tickets, meals, holidays... and then bitched to our group that I (and others) didn't do enough for her

when i took my kids chessington last weekend. my son really wanted our neghbour to come. i could not afford to pay for her. i said to son we can ask if she can come but her mum will have to pay. i asked because he mum might have had the money and his friend might have really wanted to come and mum might have had money.in this case she did not. but someone could not make it in the end so we had spare ticket so she came. i dont think there are rules as such as long as its clear from the start

But it was only a dealbreaker for that specific part of the plan, and it was the inviting family that were offering to fit around the OP.

We'll eat at X place, it'll be £6, but if you don't want that - don't worry.

Sounds accommodating enough to me.

OP didn't even have to say she couldn't afford it.

At that point she could have said "actually we have dinner plans so I'd rather she didn't eat - but look, I feel bad stopping your plans! So let's just cancel altogether this time". Or "do you really not mind not going to eat?". Or "tell you what I'll pick her up straight after the theatre".

If it's OK for the OP to say she couldn't really afford £6 on this thread, why isn't it OK for the inciting family to decide they can't /don't want to fund it either?

This all happened a couple of years ago. OP should have just said no at the time. Not be mithering 2 years on about £6 that we all think is such a low amount the inviting family should just pay it!