To feel totally and utterly pissed off that she lied to me and upset my kids?

[LauraW83]

Hi I'm after a place to vent before I scream, it's about my husband's sister. Now before i start I just want to explain that I do like her but she's a complete nightmare and will regularly make plans and then bail, she says one things but does another, she is the most unorganised person ever and she has been known to stretch the truth on many occasions, never the less, my kids love her.

So a few months back she asked if she could take our 12yo Ds and 10yo Dd on holiday to South Wales for the first week of the summer holidays for four days (they've already broken up here) along with her three daughters who are of similar age to our kids as well as her friend and son too. I said yes this was fine as long as she didn't mind and our kids have been really looking forward to it.

They're due to go on Monday so I've text SiL yesterday to finalise everything, ie how much money they need to take, what clothes etc they need, and then she text me back last night saying that she doesn't think that they'll be able to go now!

I text her back asking why and she said that the hire car she was supposed to be renting she now can't have. She doesn't have her own car you see so she was going to hire one to take some of the kids, and her friend and then her mum (my MiL) had agreed to drive the rest of the kids down and then come back home and then pick them up again on the Friday, so everything was so called arranged.

But for the last few days I had a feeling that something would go wrong (it usually does with my SiL) and then comes the text from her. So I ask, why can't she have the car and she says that they won't let her hire it because she has six points on her licence! Now bearing in mind they go away in five days so it's kind of last minute (typical of SiL though) so you'd of thought that she would have already sorted the car out but no. Something didn't feel right as I've hired a car before with six points on my licence (speeding) and they never said it was a problem. So I sneakily asked her which company she was hiring it from and I phoned them, and guess what...? They told me that any person can hire a car from them if they have under 9 points on their licence, so she has blatently lied to me.

It took a while for the penny to drop and I asked myself why would she lie about something like that but then it dawned on me. You see me and Dh have a car each, we have to as I need one to take the kids to school and him for work etc. Anyhow she is always asking for lifts, asking us to "do her favours" asking can we squeeze one of her kids in etc etc and then it dawned on me, she either wanted my Dh to drive her to South Wales and back OR to borrow his car! She knew that Dh had booked off a long weekend from work and this is the only time this year we are going to get to enjoy some alone time, so she must of thought that he wouldn't need his car, so i genuinely feel that this was the plan all along and there was no rental car in the first place.

Now you see for some people they'd just lend her their car and it wouldn't be an issue especially if she's taking their kids on holiday but she has had four crashes in the last five or six years including totalling their older brother's car last year meaning it had to be written off so there's no way Dh would allow her to drive his car. And for him to drive there and back in one day would take 9 hours and then the same on the Friday, there's just no way he's doing that.

She didn't actually come out and ask to borrow our car but she was hinting at it ie "oh I'll just have to get the train there but it'll cost me over £300 for everyone so it'll mean the kids can't have as much on holiday now" "oh I'll find a car from somewhere" etc etc. By now I knew she had lied to me so I just said, oh I've spoken to my Dh and he said that you can hire a car from X as long as you have under 9 points on your licence and instead of defending herself (as she always does if she thinks she's right) she just said, oh ok I'll get sorted.

This was last night but I woke to a text this morning saying she's found another company that would hire her a car, but basically she told me and her kids told my kids over Facebook that they couldn't go, and she got them all upset for nothing. Too and bottom of it is she didn't want to shell out a few hundred quid on a hire car and expected a free lift off Dh even thought she knew this weekend was the first we'd had together in two years OR she wanted his car. Now if she had asked outright could she borrow it we'd of still said no but at least she'd of been honest and not lied. And before anyone calls me ungrateful as she's taking my kids away after all, I am actually very grateful, but I'm sick to death of nothing going to plan with her, sick of her dramas and sick of her lying. So tell me please, AIBU?

Dont cave.

Are you sure she's even booked accommodation for South Wales because she seems to be trying everything to back out, not just get the car.

Yeah I'm beginning to think the same, have you got proof that she's actually booked anything OP?

I wonder if SIL has planned it this way from the beginning and that's why she asked if your DC wanted to go too, to make it more likely that your DH would either drive them or let her take his car.

I wouldn't send my kids to stay with her. Nope shes far too scatty. I wouldn't rest well knowing she might do something forgetful that ends up being critical.

Whenever I've hired a car (once or twice a year over the last 10 years or so) I've never had to show the paper part. They say on their websites that you will need both, but they never actually ask to see it, and if you wave it at them, they shake their heads and say they don't need that bit.

i've hired loads of cars and never been asked for the paper bit.

i think she planned right from the start that she wasn't going to be hiring any cars. i also wonder if she's even booked the accommodation.

It all sounds a bit flaky doesn't it? Why don't you call SIL out on this over the phone just in case accommodation hasn't been booked either? Avoid further let down.

If MIL was prepared to drive your children, would she be prepared to look after your children for the day (when DS is at the extra nursery sessions you paid for) - so you and DH get a much needed break?

I know your children will be let down but just don't arrange anything with her in future - or, wait until the last minute to tell them.

Also, DVLA changes as of 8th June 2015: From DVLA website

Since 8 June 2015, you should check with the hire company what they need to see when you hire a vehicle. If you’re asked for evidence of what vehicles you can drive or confirmation of any penalty points, you can request a unique code from GOV.UK which allows you to share your driving licence details or you can download a summary of your driving licence record. The code lasts for up to 72 hours and will allow the hire companies to make any necessary checks.

If you cannot generate a code online then you can call 0300 083 0013 and DVLA will provide you with a code.

Alternatively, you can call DVLA on 0300 790 6801 and leave permission for your driving record to be checked verbally by a nominated hire company. This also applies if you have a paper licence that was issued before 1998.

Not all vehicle hire companies will ask for this information and we advise that you check with your hire company.

Good luck. It sounds as if she means well but I get your frustrations.

With this new twist from sil I'm more inclined to be more harsh towards her. She's not disorganised, she's manipulative.
Let me guess, once she gets it in her head she wants someone to do x task for her a series of disasters befall sil until said person completes x task.
oh and yanbu.

I didn't see a response to why you can't hire the car for her?
When does the sil get her much needed break"?

I wouldnt hire a car for someone who'd had numerous crashes. The amount of money blocked out to cover potential accidents by a car hire company on the credit card is astronomical. OP could end up with massive car bill, in order to enable sil to do a 'favour' that she didn't ask for in the first place

Exactly what Sometimes just said! I didn't want to be responsible for hiring a car for her, end of. And to be honest my SiL gets a break almost every day! She doesn't work (and never has done) she leaves her kids with my MiL, BiL almost daily so that she can go off and have time with her friends, or going out for meals, having manicures, shopping etc, she gets more time to herself as a single parent than me and my Dh get between us! She doesn't even do the school run as she can't be bothered to get out of bed so my MiL and BiL do it for her, and no doubt she'd ask me to do it if I didn't already have to drop my own kids off.

I was horrified by all the people on here telling you to "resolve" the problem by just paying for the car hire or chucking money at your SIL, OP. They obviously haven't come across the sort of shameless, crude manipulation that she is practising. The holiday is off and you and yours will be affected — unless you come to the rescue! Good on you for not falling for it. It sounds as if you won't fall for it in future, either.
I've had various people pull that sort of stunt on me, and it's infuriating: the manipulator convinces themselves that they're not being manipulative when they fling themselves into the room — or onto Facebook, in your case — to announce the disaster that you can rescue them from. After all, they haven't actually, specifically asked you for anything, they're just telling you about the terrible fate you can avert by offering your money, your car, etc.

Are you any closer to establishing whether the holiday has actually been booked OP? Do your children think they are going away next week or are you shielding them from the hoo-ha?