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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel totally and utterly pissed off that she lied to me and upset my kids?

215 replies

LauraW83 · 01/07/2015 19:21

Hi I'm after a place to vent before I scream, it's about my husband's sister. Now before i start I just want to explain that I do like her but she's a complete nightmare and will regularly make plans and then bail, she says one things but does another, she is the most unorganised person ever and she has been known to stretch the truth on many occasions, never the less, my kids love her.

So a few months back she asked if she could take our 12yo Ds and 10yo Dd on holiday to South Wales for the first week of the summer holidays for four days (they've already broken up here) along with her three daughters who are of similar age to our kids as well as her friend and son too. I said yes this was fine as long as she didn't mind and our kids have been really looking forward to it.

They're due to go on Monday so I've text SiL yesterday to finalise everything, ie how much money they need to take, what clothes etc they need, and then she text me back last night saying that she doesn't think that they'll be able to go now!

I text her back asking why and she said that the hire car she was supposed to be renting she now can't have. She doesn't have her own car you see so she was going to hire one to take some of the kids, and her friend and then her mum (my MiL) had agreed to drive the rest of the kids down and then come back home and then pick them up again on the Friday, so everything was so called arranged.

But for the last few days I had a feeling that something would go wrong (it usually does with my SiL) and then comes the text from her. So I ask, why can't she have the car and she says that they won't let her hire it because she has six points on her licence! Now bearing in mind they go away in five days so it's kind of last minute (typical of SiL though) so you'd of thought that she would have already sorted the car out but no. Something didn't feel right as I've hired a car before with six points on my licence (speeding) and they never said it was a problem. So I sneakily asked her which company she was hiring it from and I phoned them, and guess what...? They told me that any person can hire a car from them if they have under 9 points on their licence, so she has blatently lied to me.

It took a while for the penny to drop and I asked myself why would she lie about something like that but then it dawned on me. You see me and Dh have a car each, we have to as I need one to take the kids to school and him for work etc. Anyhow she is always asking for lifts, asking us to "do her favours" asking can we squeeze one of her kids in etc etc and then it dawned on me, she either wanted my Dh to drive her to South Wales and back OR to borrow his car! She knew that Dh had booked off a long weekend from work and this is the only time this year we are going to get to enjoy some alone time, so she must of thought that he wouldn't need his car, so i genuinely feel that this was the plan all along and there was no rental car in the first place.

Now you see for some people they'd just lend her their car and it wouldn't be an issue especially if she's taking their kids on holiday but she has had four crashes in the last five or six years including totalling their older brother's car last year meaning it had to be written off so there's no way Dh would allow her to drive his car. And for him to drive there and back in one day would take 9 hours and then the same on the Friday, there's just no way he's doing that.

She didn't actually come out and ask to borrow our car but she was hinting at it ie "oh I'll just have to get the train there but it'll cost me over £300 for everyone so it'll mean the kids can't have as much on holiday now" "oh I'll find a car from somewhere" etc etc. By now I knew she had lied to me so I just said, oh I've spoken to my Dh and he said that you can hire a car from X as long as you have under 9 points on your licence and instead of defending herself (as she always does if she thinks she's right) she just said, oh ok I'll get sorted.

This was last night but I woke to a text this morning saying she's found another company that would hire her a car, but basically she told me and her kids told my kids over Facebook that they couldn't go, and she got them all upset for nothing. Too and bottom of it is she didn't want to shell out a few hundred quid on a hire car and expected a free lift off Dh even thought she knew this weekend was the first we'd had together in two years OR she wanted his car. Now if she had asked outright could she borrow it we'd of still said no but at least she'd of been honest and not lied. And before anyone calls me ungrateful as she's taking my kids away after all, I am actually very grateful, but I'm sick to death of nothing going to plan with her, sick of her dramas and sick of her lying. So tell me please, AIBU?

OP posts:
LauraW83 · 01/07/2015 19:33

To be honest even if she didn't have the points and hadn't of had the crashes I don't think Dh would have lent her his car, call him mean if you like but he's always been a bit precious over his car and has never allowed anyone to drive it.

OP posts:
TruJay · 01/07/2015 19:34

Erm, I was just gonna say I can't believe you're worried about damage to your car but don't seem worried about damage to your children but everyone has kinda beaten me to it

NerrSnerr · 01/07/2015 19:34

Cross post!

Bellebella · 01/07/2015 19:34

Even if your mil was taking them, that's still 9 hours drive for your mil to take your kids on holiday. Maybe your mil does not want to do two big drives, your oh doesn't

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 01/07/2015 19:35

Considering your DC are getting a free holiday I don't think it's entirely unreasonable for you to contribute to the travel by lending your car or doing the driving.

How many children is she taking? Is she going to be the only adult?! I wouldn't encourage her to be driving any children around, tbh, not just mine.

LauraW83 · 01/07/2015 19:36

Yes my MiL is driving my kids down and two other people and then my SiL was supposed to of been hiring a car to drive the rest of them. Even if my kids weren't going she'd of still had to have had hired a car as my MiL is only really big enough for 4 people.

OP posts:
Stopandlook · 01/07/2015 19:37

Eh? Your DH is worried about her crashing his car but no prob if it's a rented one. Woah! Have a Biscuit

And a weekend alone? Well yes would be nice but only if you have someone reliable to look after your children. Plenty don't - including you.

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 01/07/2015 19:38

Is your MIL staying on the holiday or just driving the two 9 hour journeys at each end?

Branleuse · 01/07/2015 19:38

If shes a good enough driver to drive your children, why is she not good enough to borrow the car?

Iggi999 · 01/07/2015 19:39

They will be supplying meals for three children for four days, I think you need to provide a bit more. Are you paying toward accommodation, I don't think you've said.

Bellebella · 01/07/2015 19:40

I can't believe your oh would sit back and watch his mother drive 9 hours for your kids to go on holiday and then for her to pick them up on the Friday. My oh would do it himself rather than let his mum do it.

LauraW83 · 01/07/2015 19:41

Erm, I never asked her to take my children, she offered and whilst it was nice of her to offer I don't see how that means the travel is automatically down to us! Now if she was going on the train/coach for instance then I'd of paid for their fare no problem and I've actually offered her £50 towards her petrol, what more can I do?

OP posts:
RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 01/07/2015 19:42

You could lend her your car?

Iggi999 · 01/07/2015 19:44

The petrol will be far more than £50 per car unless you've discovered a magic time warp version of the M6!

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 01/07/2015 19:44

Your DH won't lend her his car because of all the prangs she has had, but he is happy for her to drive his children for hours. The mind boggles.

mickeyfartpants · 01/07/2015 19:44

I think you should have offered to lend the car. You don't "need" it to drop the kids at school when they aren't actually at school and are on holiday in Wales.

You have another one after all....

Pony74 · 01/07/2015 19:45

Why don't you take her kids with you on hols? You have a car and you don't have points! Maybe she'll give you 130 quid for the privilege.

ShuShuFontana · 01/07/2015 19:45

how is she getting all these points if she doesn't have a car?

and why are your children upset if the MIL was always going to take them safely in her car?

kinkyfuckery · 01/07/2015 19:45

If your MIL's car is only big enough for 4 people, how is she driving your two kids and two other people?

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 01/07/2015 19:45

Oh yes, and I am floored you think it is reasonable to lend her your car. She's taking your children away on holiday!

LauraW83 · 01/07/2015 19:47

Excuse me but my bloody MiL offered actually, she wasn't forced into doing this. And may I add that my Dh usually works Monday's and Fridays's, so wouldn't of been on hand to take her anyway. He only got told on Monday that he could have the time off so of course we were excited. Oh and I forgot to mention, that we also have a four year old who is autistic. He goes to nursery during the week for three hours a day but we've paid for him to stay an extra two hours on Friday and Monday so that we can nip out for lunch and go to the cinema, something we haven't done for over two years!

OP posts:
footflapper · 01/07/2015 19:47

I don't think I would of agreed in the first place if she's so flakey & disorganised.. Saves having upset children!

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 01/07/2015 19:48

This is bizarre. Your DP not only wouldn't dream of driving his own children to their free holiday (why should he, indeed) but also thinks it's fine for his mother to do two 9 hour journeys in four days to take them?

You are happy for a person who you have nothing but bad things to say about to be in charge of your DC as well as others for four days?

You don't think you should contribute to the cost of your DC's holiday because they were invited, you didn't ask SIL to take them? (How rude would that be, anyway!)

Erm... YABU

mickeyfartpants · 01/07/2015 19:50

Huh?

What have your lunch & cinema trips got to do with your SIL? Confused

DinosaursRoar · 01/07/2015 19:50

I think with flakey people, your mistake was telling your DCs anything about it before it happened TBH, in the future, wait until the last second to tell them anything.

I also think you should be offering her a 1/3 of the holiday cost, not just spends, are they having to rent a larger place to fit in your DCs?