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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel totally and utterly pissed off that she lied to me and upset my kids?

215 replies

LauraW83 · 01/07/2015 19:21

Hi I'm after a place to vent before I scream, it's about my husband's sister. Now before i start I just want to explain that I do like her but she's a complete nightmare and will regularly make plans and then bail, she says one things but does another, she is the most unorganised person ever and she has been known to stretch the truth on many occasions, never the less, my kids love her.

So a few months back she asked if she could take our 12yo Ds and 10yo Dd on holiday to South Wales for the first week of the summer holidays for four days (they've already broken up here) along with her three daughters who are of similar age to our kids as well as her friend and son too. I said yes this was fine as long as she didn't mind and our kids have been really looking forward to it.

They're due to go on Monday so I've text SiL yesterday to finalise everything, ie how much money they need to take, what clothes etc they need, and then she text me back last night saying that she doesn't think that they'll be able to go now!

I text her back asking why and she said that the hire car she was supposed to be renting she now can't have. She doesn't have her own car you see so she was going to hire one to take some of the kids, and her friend and then her mum (my MiL) had agreed to drive the rest of the kids down and then come back home and then pick them up again on the Friday, so everything was so called arranged.

But for the last few days I had a feeling that something would go wrong (it usually does with my SiL) and then comes the text from her. So I ask, why can't she have the car and she says that they won't let her hire it because she has six points on her licence! Now bearing in mind they go away in five days so it's kind of last minute (typical of SiL though) so you'd of thought that she would have already sorted the car out but no. Something didn't feel right as I've hired a car before with six points on my licence (speeding) and they never said it was a problem. So I sneakily asked her which company she was hiring it from and I phoned them, and guess what...? They told me that any person can hire a car from them if they have under 9 points on their licence, so she has blatently lied to me.

It took a while for the penny to drop and I asked myself why would she lie about something like that but then it dawned on me. You see me and Dh have a car each, we have to as I need one to take the kids to school and him for work etc. Anyhow she is always asking for lifts, asking us to "do her favours" asking can we squeeze one of her kids in etc etc and then it dawned on me, she either wanted my Dh to drive her to South Wales and back OR to borrow his car! She knew that Dh had booked off a long weekend from work and this is the only time this year we are going to get to enjoy some alone time, so she must of thought that he wouldn't need his car, so i genuinely feel that this was the plan all along and there was no rental car in the first place.

Now you see for some people they'd just lend her their car and it wouldn't be an issue especially if she's taking their kids on holiday but she has had four crashes in the last five or six years including totalling their older brother's car last year meaning it had to be written off so there's no way Dh would allow her to drive his car. And for him to drive there and back in one day would take 9 hours and then the same on the Friday, there's just no way he's doing that.

She didn't actually come out and ask to borrow our car but she was hinting at it ie "oh I'll just have to get the train there but it'll cost me over £300 for everyone so it'll mean the kids can't have as much on holiday now" "oh I'll find a car from somewhere" etc etc. By now I knew she had lied to me so I just said, oh I've spoken to my Dh and he said that you can hire a car from X as long as you have under 9 points on your licence and instead of defending herself (as she always does if she thinks she's right) she just said, oh ok I'll get sorted.

This was last night but I woke to a text this morning saying she's found another company that would hire her a car, but basically she told me and her kids told my kids over Facebook that they couldn't go, and she got them all upset for nothing. Too and bottom of it is she didn't want to shell out a few hundred quid on a hire car and expected a free lift off Dh even thought she knew this weekend was the first we'd had together in two years OR she wanted his car. Now if she had asked outright could she borrow it we'd of still said no but at least she'd of been honest and not lied. And before anyone calls me ungrateful as she's taking my kids away after all, I am actually very grateful, but I'm sick to death of nothing going to plan with her, sick of her dramas and sick of her lying. So tell me please, AIBU?

OP posts:
Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 01/07/2015 19:50

You are both clearly keen on having a break, but are sending your children off with a dangerous driver who is also known to be flakey and outright lie to you. Does that not strike you as a bit reckless of you?

LauraW83 · 01/07/2015 19:50

Oh dear god, why am I being jumped on here, I've actuals done sod all wrong. My Dh and I have a car each yes but he doesn't want to lend it and shouldn't have to given her driving history. My MiL was always driving my kids down there but If my SiL hadn't of managed to get a rental car then obviously none of them would of gone that's why they were a bit upset.

OP posts:
LauraW83 · 01/07/2015 19:52

Yes my SiL can be a nightmare and as for reckless well that probably only goes as far as her driving (hence why dc were going in MiL's car) BUT she adores my kids, looks after them well and wouldn't do anything to hurt them.

OP posts:
RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 01/07/2015 19:52

The lunch and cinema trips are relevant because they are therefore too busy to deliver/pick up their kids from their free holiday. Not that they should have to, anyway, of course. Hmm

tywinlannister · 01/07/2015 19:54

Well if he doesn't want to lend it, then its him preventing the kids going because you have a solution right there in your hands that you/he won't entertain because your SIL (who you have slated at every opportunity even though she's doing you a favour) has a bad driving history.... one you admit to having yourself.

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 01/07/2015 19:54

Because Laura, it's clearly not what a lot of mumsnetters would feel comfortable about re our children, me included.

diddl · 01/07/2015 19:54

"Too and bottom of it is she didn't want to shell out a few hundred quid on a hire car and expected a free lift off Dh even thought she knew this weekend was the first we'd had together in two years OR she wanted his car."

What a bitch, taking your kids on holiday & angling for some help towards the costs!

But yeah, if she's as bad as you say, I'm surprised that you want your kids to go away with her.

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 01/07/2015 19:55

Someone whom I think of as "the most disorganised person ever", who is a dangerous driver and who lies to my face... Not someone I would send my kids off on holiday with,

blackrabbitwhiterabbit · 01/07/2015 19:57

This thread is a joke, methinks...

MadgeMak · 01/07/2015 19:58

I think it's odd that you don't trust her with your car, yet you do trust her to drive your kids to be honest!

LauraW83 · 01/07/2015 19:58

Omg am I speaking in a different language? I've offered her money, I'm giving et £130 for my kids plus £50 petrol (which is a lot of money to us) and months ago when she booked the holiday I offered her £200 towards it but she said no. I'm sorry but I'd rather keep my chidkren here with us than to let my Dh to drive 18 hours over own weekend in 30 degree heat.

OP posts:
RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 01/07/2015 20:00

It's quite cheeky to have the attitude of "there's just no way he's doing that" regarding the driving when he's quite happy for his mother to do it, don't you see that? MIL isn't going on the holiday and isn't responsible for anyone who is, so it's very generous of her to be doing all that when her son refuses to.

And ok, don't lend your precious car. But don't you feel you should have offered to contribute to the cost of a hire car instead of criticising her for not wanting to shell out a "few hundred quid" when you were not willing to pay anything in money or time/effort for your own DC's travel?

I don't understand your attitude at all.

mickeyfartpants · 01/07/2015 20:00

I think YABU to be totally and utterly pissed off that she was no longer able/willing to do you the favour she originally offered.

LauraW83 · 01/07/2015 20:00

Oh for fooks sake she's NOT driving my kids, how many times do I have to say this? And I'm letting her take them because I know she will look after them and that DC will enjoy themselves. That doesn't mean however that I think she's the most organised, straight the point kid of person I know because she isn't.

OP posts:
februaryhas29days · 01/07/2015 20:00

This thread seems like deja vu to me. I'm sure I've read this exact story before, right down to the term "spends" and the flaky SiL who cancelled because she couldn't sort a car.

Did this happen last year too OP?

GiddyOnZackHunt · 01/07/2015 20:01

Could she have borrowed your car? The whole trip sounds a bit insane tbh.

LauraW83 · 01/07/2015 20:02

But she's doesn't have to take my kids. I genuinely think she just assumed that Dh would take her just because she offered to take them and that to be honest is not a fair and reasonable assumption. I would rather pay more money towards (which by the way I have offered) than to let my Dh or myself drive all that way.

OP posts:
OldFarticus · 01/07/2015 20:02

Off topic, but don't you love it when a thread goes "AIBU?" "yes"...."OMG I am SO not!" Grin

mmollytoots · 01/07/2015 20:03

Laura yabu

tywinlannister · 01/07/2015 20:04

I'm sorry but I'd rather keep my chidkren here with us than to let my Dh to drive 18 hours over own weekend in 30 degree heat

OK, you have to be joking. You are happy to "let" someone else who isn't your DH do this though? For your kids discount holiday?

Meandyou150 · 01/07/2015 20:04

OP sorry I'm with your sister in law!

YABU

LauraW83 · 01/07/2015 20:04

No she's never taken my kids away before so you've got the wrong person. You're missing the main point though I'm afraid, she has lied to me, that's what's pissed me off. Why pretend at all that you've hired a car and get all the kids excited when you've not, that's what's riled me. What would she have done if Dh hadn't of got this weekend off work?

OP posts:
Dontloookbackinanger · 01/07/2015 20:04

Bloody hell the OPs getting a hard time.

Fancy her having the audacity to make plans when she believed the kids would be away for a couple of nights. And with a close relative who OFFERED to take them away.

Klayden · 01/07/2015 20:04

You're happy enough to let your MIL drive in 30 degree heat? Confused

morethanpotatoprints · 01/07/2015 20:05

I'm sorry but I can't understand why you would allow your children to be driven by her in any car, but you seem to be more worried about which car she uses.

You ask what more can you do?
In future understand that your sil can't be trusted, don't rely on her or make arrangements that you aren't prepared to bail her out over.
Put the safety of your children first rather than a child free weekend.
not sure I've had one of those ever, let alone last 2 years.