To let DS invite whole class bar 3 children

[PhoebeMcPeePee]

We've agreed that DS can have a disco for his 10th birthday and he wants the whole class except for 3 children . Tbh I don't blame him for wanting to exclude them as they are a total PITA and have made his (& many of his friends) lives a misery for the past 5 years of school BUT it just doesn't feel right excluding such a small number. If he were much younger I would say no, they either all come or we have the usual small number but is it fair to veto the entire idea just because of their behaviour. WWYD?

They have made op ds ice a misery for 5 years, that is an awfully long time to be miserable at school, that makes them bullies. Her ds has every right not to want them at his party. They will be moving to senior school soin where life will not be took forgiving on them if they behave in such a bad way.

The teacher is clearly in the wrong job.

Crystal I would blame the parents too (I thought that went without saying) but if there is a situation in a school where 3 DCS have been able to make everyone's life a misery for 5 years (starting at the age of 5!) then I would expect the school to put processes in place to manage that.

Perhaps I'm just surrounded by very enlightened teachers (two of my DSIS; and two of my nephews) but they take bullying and their duty of care very seriously. It's hardly controversial to say if there is an ongoing bullying situation then the school has to manage it.

It's simple Mehitabel - I would leave 3 children out if they had made my sons life a misery and he didn't want them there - it would be his party after all. What's so hard to understand about that?

I would leave them out , but I would have less people- real friends.i would never leave 3 out.

A placeonthecouch, I get what you are saying but the reality is there is only so much a school can do, if a child is determined to bully and be horrible to other children (especially verbally) this is difficult to manage.

Mehitabel yes but what if the rest of the class were the people your child wanted to invite? What's so two g about children learning that bad behaviour has consequences e.g. Less party invites

Wrong

I would, sorry they are 10 and should realise the consequences of their behaviour. This is a private party, not endorsed by the school, at that age well old enough to understand that if yiur nasty to miniphoebe you don't get invited to his party.

Life if unfair, it's good preparation for it, I lost my dad to Cancer at 10, horribal but I had to cope and grow up quickly.

Does it feel any more right to make a 10yo invite people he doesn't like to his party?

As he's had issues with these kids for so long I wouldn't invite them. Support your son. He should be having his party with his friends not his bullies/or people who are PITA. I get why it may feel not right to you but I think it would be less right to make your child invite them.

Crystal I know it can be difficult but it really shouldn't be possible for 3 DCs to make everyone's life a misery for 5 years. (or as I said in my first post, maybe this isn't actually a bullying situation and the school don't have a problem with the 3 DCs).

My DSIS is a HT in a very challenging area. She has to have very robust processes in place and she regularly has to call parents in for meetings to address their DCs' behaviour.

Three of my friends have had DCs bullied at school. The school's responses were timely and effective (three different schools).

My DS was bullied - I had to move schools because his school was ineffective at dealing with it.

I'm not saying there are not schools whose bullying strategy is ineffective. ime that was definitely the case but it really shouldn't be the norm.

So you leave kids out that are perfectly well behaved and have caused the boy no problems, just to spare the feelings of a couple of kids who, according to the op, have made her son's life a misery for half his life? Haha. No.

Exactly Shelagh, op ds should have tge party he wants, with who he wants, if it excludes 3 individuals who have made his life miserable for so long, so be it.

There is a child in my sons class who is a 'pita and makes the other kids life a misery', he is hard work but any sensible adult only has to spend a few minutes looking to see that the 'victims' of his behaviour wind him up and then go running to the teacher, they love to see him in trouble - he never gets invited to a party or round to anyone's house

Having been a teacher the whole class are never best friends- there is no need to invite those that they don't have much to do with on a regular basis.
Choose proper friends.

Why the fuck should someone invite people they DON'T like to a party?

Yanbu at all OP.

Has it not occurred to people that 'difficult' children have problems of some sort - either with SNs or dysfunctional families? As an adult I can't see the need to be so cruel as to exclude when the simple answer us have a smaller party.
People are so quick to shout 'bully' but happy to use the well known tactic of bullying themselves- exclusion.

Why should a person have a smaller party to pander to the people they don't want to invite.

Fuck that. Not all children with SN are 'difficult' and not all difficult children have SN.

Ah just read, it is his birthday party, not just and end of year disco, even more to not invite them. Op ds wants most of his class there, so he should. Te problems of those boys are not his, why should he not have the party he wants because of them! You go ahead op. If tgere were younger, I would agree to have a smaller party, but they are 10!!!!!! Mabey op ds has had smaller parties in the past to spare their feelings, but this time wants a class on.

As an adult I think it is cruel to insist your child organise his party around three kids who have made his life a misery for five years by not allowing him to invite the children he wants to invite.
Such a skewed vision.
Whether or not they have problems, the issue for OP is that the bullies are a problem for her DS and obviously he is her priority.
Insisting that he cannot have a whole class party is giving the bullies power.

I agree with you son invite who he wants.It's his birthday and he is going to be 10.

3 little boys have made the rest of the classes school life feel so bad then I think a lesson in how to treat people kindly and with respect is well over due.

Don't do what my poor Mother did,years ago I had my first ever birthday party,I was about the same age as your son and she invited her best friends daughter,which was lovely,she is 2 years younger than me but was a lovely little girl and were still friends 30 years later.But she also invited one of her friends older sons(his own sister didn't want him there)he was bloody horrendous!Had me in tears,upset other kids and his little sister.He physically assaulted me at my own party in my own home,bullied me,he was really vile!!

My Mum cried when he left and my Dad went nuclear at my Mum for inviting him.My Mum and her Best Friend were never as close again afterwards.

I've seen lots of threads on here with the same problem,I'd say 90% said invite them all or none.Most of the OP's did and oh did they regret it.There was parents coming back on talking about the party was ruined,the child/children had hurt the birthday boy/girl/they're friends or both,had broke presents,broke stuff at the place the party was being held,stole some of the presents ect!

As adults we'd never invite someone to a celebration that was horrible to us either physically or emotionally!So I have never understood why so many expect a child to do exactly that.A child's rights are just as important as any adults!

I agree Cardinal, it's sugar coating their behaviour, not making them see their behaviour has a consequence.

ohtheholidays spot on!

Cardinal and Aero I'm glad I'm not alone in those ideas.I know I was really going against the grain.