To be disappointed by my engagement ring?

[SazMcStan]

I don't want to come across as some shallow, ungrateful bitch because I'm far from that! I've never really been a girly girl and never really been the type to want her OH to spoil her. We've been engaged for a year and I've always loved my engagement ring because of what it stands for and because it's off someone who I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. The ring itself I've never been a huge fan of, it looks quite small and plain but I've never told my OH this because I assumed he'd searched around jewellery shops for the perfect ring and he felt this was it. My sister and sister in law both sent their rings back and demanded bigger more expensive ones which I would never dream of!

That being said, I was sorting out some papers and things and found the invoice for my ring. It wasn't hidden away, just left in a pile of bank stuff that my OH knew I'd been sorting. It turns out it was really cheap. As in i spent more on my OH's birthday present this year than he did on the ring.

Like I said, I've never been spoilt or acted as if that's something I want but I feel like my ring shouldn't have been ordered online and cost so little. I know that I sound like a spoilt brat and I hate that I do but finding out how little it cost makes me feel like it's not as special. OH bought himself a completely unnecessary item the month after we got engaged costing four times as much as the ring. My ring is small in comparison to all of my engaged or married friends which has always silently bothered me but now I just think that he has got a smaller, cheaper one because he doesn't think I'm bothered and won't make a fuss.

An engagement ring is something that should be special and I feel like it's turned me in to a monster. Thing is I know he could have afforded to buy a more expensive one but I think he's just seen it as not as important. It's upsetting that he spent quite a bit of money on himself so soon after when it was a stupid thing to buy and he's never even used it! I don't want to be one of those girls who gets mad about stuff like this! I know I'm being unreasonable and I would never, ever tell him that I know how much it cost or that I'm disappointed because it could hurt him.

The important thing is that we're engaged and going to be together but is it ok for me to just feel a bit let down?

Glad you are happy withtthe outcome. I would still actually consider having a careful think and look at other rings because from what you said before, it doesn't sound like you do really love the ring even if you are now happier with the motives/ sentiments.

If you really like bigger or different style of rings then go for it. Seems like a case of 'them as don't ask don't want'.

A friend of mine was presented with a Kardashian style blingtastic and eyewateringly expensive engagement ring. She gently suggested that it something a bit plainer would be more her style and asked if she could downgrade.

You are kidding yourself lovey.
I genuinely hope it worksout between you. All.I.would say is there is nothing wrong with having high standards. But also, take the emotion out of it, and just consider why a proposal is all on a mans terms. Don't be afraid to say you deserve and you are worth more. Not in monetary terms. But in thought. Be honest with yourself.

Hmmmmm...

As you were never a fan of the ring and your dh only meant it to be a temporary measure, will you now be getting a new one that you both really like?

Tiffany for the wedding ring and eternity ring, I think!

Engagement rings are very loaded with expectations, we just expect the perfect surprise ring and don't feel we can say we don't like them. If he bought you a pair of shoes that you didn't like, would you hobble around in them because he bought them for you? I think you owe it to yourself, to get one you actually like.

Enjoying this discussion as behind my engagement ring lies a couple of tales. However wanted to disagree with an earlier post who said it wasn't worth spending money on a ring. Believe me it is! My plain but lovely one carat ring bought 2nd hand 25 years is now worth LOADS more than we paid for it. When we got married 25 years ago I said I didn't feel I should have an engagement ring as it would have been my fourth. First one was when I was far too young and it was never on my finger - we split up and he kept it. Second one was my first marriage - we divorced but I kept the ring. Third one was an engagement for a marriage that never happened - I kept the ring. Am I really bad? Anyway, my (now very long standing DH and I) got married and had two children then thought maybe we should get a ring. We "traded in" the two that were just sitting in the drawer. Paid in a bit more and got the lovely ring I have worn every day of my life since. don't think I will ever bother with an eternity ring as have tried them and it doesn't look right between the other two. Often wear my mum's eternity ring on my right hand though. Now, if I win the lottery I could just fancy an emerald cut canary yellow diamond.

OP, your ring and the sentiment behind it sounds great. Your OH based his choice on one that looked like a 'joke' one that meant something to you both. The fact it was cheaper and online is neither here nor there.

You are comparing your ring with the value other people place on their rings. If you were not comparing (and you are now able to as you have seen the price) then you would be happy.

I don't think for a minute OH planned to get spend the money he 'saved' on something for himself, it just turned out that he was able to. He did check that you liked it and you said you did.

The whole thing sounds like a misunderstanding not an awkward situation that you didn't feel able to talk about...and anyway you have talked now and you are happy.

There will be many more 'misunderstandings' in the future which you will work through together, which will give you your unique history and which will make your relationship strong. My top tips after 30 years of marriage: talk to each other (not to others) and be honest but caring.

Finally, you will get given many gifts which aren't quite right , but at the end of the day, they are what your beloved chose and that's what makes them special.

It all sounds fine OP, just enjoy it all (oh and choose the wedding rings together )

Great it's turned out ok but I'd still get a lovely one that you choose together and put the original one on your other hand. Then you've got the best of both worlds.

I think that's a lovely story, OP. I would love the ring for ever after now.
My engagement ring isn't exactly what I would have chosen but I love it because it's what DH chose and wanted me to have.

OP, I read this thread yesterday and I agree, my engagement ring I would never have chosen, I would have picked a fancier, bigger diamond etc but I need to remember that my dh paid for a flight to Australia to propose so I've never told him that it's not exactly to my taste.

However my ds yesterday took my rings from the kitchen and carried them around in his pocket and lost my engagement ring. I was utterly devastated, it's the memories behind it and the sentiment that's important.

I thought of this thread when I was in tears searching the house yesterday, thinking the dog would have picked it up and buried it.

luckily it eventually turned up, but sometimes it's the memories behind something that's important, not the actual item.

OP how about keeping it as your engagement ring, for the sentiment and everything else. You sound like the sort of person, that if you upgraded your ring would always look at the new one wondering if you'd done the right thing...

But agree that you'll choose a dress ring/eternity ring together at some point, maybe after birth if first child, a big birthday or wedding anniversary?

I love my engagement ring, although we didn't put a lot if thought into it. It will always be my engagement ring. But I have my eye on this fantasy dress ring, if only I can find a reason for it!:
www.samarajames.com/diamond-ring-3-stone-raindrop-style-ring-1216.html/?filter=true&metaltype=Platinum&c=w&m=platinum&page=2

I was given a £100 engagement ring. It was not to my taste but I was pleased as I never expected OH to actually be organised and choose one himself. I do wish we'd got a better one though, as after 9 years, it broke, the diamond fell out and is lost. So now I don't have an engagement ring!

Does your friend fancy him, OP? Cause basically she confirmed you'll be fine with a cheap thing and encouraged him to spend the dosh in himself

OP, glad you're happy and all resolved but make sure he gets you a shit-hot wedding ring or else. My advice would be the same if he'd given you a crap birthday present.

To be fair to him (!) if his sister complained about hers and insisted that it was upgraded maybe he thinks that's normal and that all girls complain if they don't like them?

I think we should all agree henceforth that men should propose with Topshop rings and then go pick a real one together.

I think this business of men choosing rings for someone else to wear is just daft.

I think you've been had, OP.

I agree stitch, it seems to cause a lot of upset and is something that having never married I'm glad I've avoided. I hate any kind of surprise present because of the stress of putting on the right "act" - with an engagement ring it's 100x the pressure.

(Same with public proposals where you can't go "errm nah" in front of 100 people. Bad idea IMO!)

I wouldn't let someone choose a new winter coat for me so I definitely wouldn't let someone choose a ring that I expected to wear for the rest of my life.