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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I fought with the school to let my child start in nappies...

214 replies

Piratejones · 18/06/2015 13:45

And now 3 years later, we have reached a point where he is dry in the day in places he knows and semi reliable outside the home. They are getting funny because i DON'T want him in a nappy during a school trip.

I can't win, it's a fucking joke. up until now they've been pushing to get rid of the nappies, he starts showing some improvement and they don't want the responsibility of taking spare clothes.

It makes me angry.

OP posts:
FannyFifer · 18/06/2015 18:33

Is he able to take care of that side of thing himself, I assume there are other issues if not.
If that's the case then I'm sure there is an agreed protocol which the staff will have to follow. If they have agreed to promote his continence with no incontinence product then that's what should happen.

Original poster
Piratejones · 18/06/2015 18:49

How about a little gratitude for the staff who have had to deal with your child's nappies for the past three years, whatever the reason, instead of slagging them off to all and sundry.

How about they let him go nappy free then they wouldn't have to would they? I don't want him in nappies, They do.
Who am I slagging off here, it's the school not the staff that used to change him. you either need to learn to read or keep your "Helpful" comments to yourself.

Is he able to take care of that side of thing himself, I assume there are other issues if not.

Yes, if he's only wet he can change is own Padded pants, wipe with a wet wipe and put a new pair on. He needs help with nappies though.

OP posts:
duckyneedsaclean · 18/06/2015 19:02

goblin What the hell? Do you think the parents of children with health conditions should simper and suck up to anyone whose job it is to take care of them?

The OP is clearly annoyed at the inconsistency the school is showing, and the fact that they appear to be now holding him back for their own convenience.

Original poster
Piratejones · 18/06/2015 19:09

How about a little gratitude for the staff who have had to deal with your child's nappies for the past three years, whatever the reason

The reason is my own laziness Goblin, i got them to do it because i was just too darn lazy to potty train.

OP posts:
Tizwailor · 18/06/2015 19:11

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tizwailor · 18/06/2015 19:13

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Piratejones · 18/06/2015 19:17

It's okay Tizwailor I'll have to go in and find out why they have suddenly decided to do a you turn on this and work out where to go from there.

OP posts:
IsabellaofFrance · 18/06/2015 19:19

YANBU.

I hate the inflexibility of some schools, even when they have all the funding and staffing at their disposal. It should be about the child, not what is easiest. If they are going on a school trip with 30+ then surely there will be facilities.

Most teachers and TAs do a fabulous job, but there is often the idea on MN that they are untouchable.

soapboxqueen · 18/06/2015 19:22

I think you need to go in and discuss there reasons for this. If he is wearing special pants and can deal with them himself, I'm not sure why nappies would be of benefit to the staff.

They may have a particular concern that you will be able to address.

I can appreciate your frustration at their inconsistencies.

Tizwailor · 18/06/2015 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Handsoffmysweets · 18/06/2015 19:23

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

Original poster
Piratejones · 18/06/2015 19:41

Thank you tizwailor

Handsoff
I'm really sorry if I've missed this already in the thread but is there a particular reason (i.e. medical) your child started school in nappies and that it has taken him this long to stay dry?

The answer i gave above was laziness.

But It's a long story, he had seizures when he first came to live with me (he was neglected at home), which they originally though were caused by malnourishment along with calcium deficiency, his blood sugars were also up and down because of this.
He displays a lot of Autism traits, but not enough to diagnose him as being on the Autistic spectrum. At the moment we are waiting on an MRI scan to see if he has any damage caused by his seizures which would explain his additional needs.
In short they don't know, he just has "additional needs" right now.

OP posts:
Handsoffmysweets · 18/06/2015 19:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

Icelandicsuperyoghurt · 18/06/2015 20:02

I think it might be an idea to arrange to go in and discuss it with the appropriate staff. Maybe say you understand their concerns and appreciate that school trips are very stressful for staff, but also what your concerns as ds's parent are. That he's making good progress with toileting but you are worried that the mixed message that being back in pull-ups sends, will set him back again and that you want to re-enforce his progress as much as you can right now. I can see their point and just as equally can see yours. Putting him back in pull-ups is a bit of a vote of no confidence that he doesn't need. If ds has a change of clothes with him and his usual pants will contain things for a while, then hopefully someone would be able to help him into a dry pair of pants and trousers? As others have suggested, any chance of you going as a parent helper? All the schools I've been in seemed grateful for any extra pairs of hands they could get hold of?

Klayden · 18/06/2015 20:57

YANBU but I can see the school's POV also. There's a chance that they are asking for nappies for convenience but I would have assumed that it was to preserve his dignity. You know the school best though and you sound frustrated, which is understandable.

MrsBobDylan · 18/06/2015 23:29

Yanbu-you are the best judge as to what your child needs and school should listen to you.

I totally understand your anger and frustration. I think you should take a deep breath, go into school and have a conversation with them and explain why no nappy is best for your son.

And goblin you are wrong. Just wrong.

Timri · 18/06/2015 23:47

Hi OP, how frustrating for you!
I was going to say I do understand the schools position, but after reading more, seeing he has one to one, and is able to change himself etc, I agree with you that forcing him into a nappy would be a set back, and sort of undermine the independence and confidence he is building for himself.

I agree with the PP who said vent on here, and then very calmly ask the school to explain their change of heart/inconsistency.

VanillaTwirl · 19/06/2015 00:46

I agree too re vent on here.
Be as angry and mad and shouty as you want, then when you're in a calmer frame of mind you can get your points across to the school better.
Going back into nappies is like a step back, hope you get a good outcome.

(And to add to pp, Flowers for you for giving him a better life and continuing to fight for him).

Mermaidhair · 19/06/2015 03:00

Wine for you op. I can understand your frustration at the lack of consistency. It's annoying when the goal posts are continually moved. I'm sorry I don't have any experience with this, but I can understand your annoyance. It sounds to me like the school aren't even sure of their own protocols.

Jaderuby · 19/06/2015 07:50

I can kind of understand the schools view here, but at the same time i also agree with you. What kind of message is putting him back in nappies sending?

And lets face it, if he asks to go it's easy for a teacher to tell him to go in the nappy, because they are busy. Very wrong, but i feel that's why they are doing this.

Marioswife · 19/06/2015 08:32

What if you sent him in dry-nights with underpants over the top, or under-neither, that way he will still feel he's wearing pants but there will be the protection the school after after if he pees / poops.

Marioswife · 19/06/2015 08:44

And lets face it, if he asks to go it's easy for a teacher to tell him to go in the nappy, because they are busy. Very wrong, but i feel that's why they are doing this.

Is that wrong when they have 30 0ther children to watch?

PattiODoors · 19/06/2015 08:55

Marioswife the child has 1-1 support (from upthread) so no other children to watch.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 19/06/2015 09:04

Marioswife Is making a child use a nappy becuase it's not convenant for you ever right?

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 19/06/2015 09:12

Marios they don't have 30 other children to watch. The OP's child has a dedicated 1:1. She only has him to watch. This should be a total non issue from a staffing point of view.

Given what the OP's written on this thread I'd be willing to bet they are about to use the 1:1 as an adult in charge of a group to make up the ratios.

I've never had an issue with taking a not reliably continent child on a trip, providing there are toileting facilities. It normally means an extra adult responsible for the child in question, but since he has a 1:1 that's not an issue.

Go in and ask for their reasoning, but emphasise the point about how he able to deal with accidents himself and has a dedicated 1:1 so it shouldn't have an impact on the other children.