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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I fought with the school to let my child start in nappies...

214 replies

Piratejones · 18/06/2015 13:45

And now 3 years later, we have reached a point where he is dry in the day in places he knows and semi reliable outside the home. They are getting funny because i DON'T want him in a nappy during a school trip.

I can't win, it's a fucking joke. up until now they've been pushing to get rid of the nappies, he starts showing some improvement and they don't want the responsibility of taking spare clothes.

It makes me angry.

OP posts:
TwinkieTwinkle · 18/06/2015 14:44

Op, I can understand your frustration but I think YABU and are perhaps a bit wound up about the whole situation in general? Your reaction seems very angry.

BarbarianMum · 18/06/2015 14:46

^^I agree that this is true but it really, really, really shouldn't be. Children have a right to access mainstream education regardless of continence issues.

BrieAndChilli · 18/06/2015 14:46

Have you tried the dry like me pads? Ds1 started school In nappies but we started using these pads once he got a bit more reliable. They are more discreet and easy to change. The take a bit of wee but not a full bladder so useful for when ds didn't get to toilet quick enough.

DeeWe · 18/06/2015 14:47

Poor you (and him)

What does he want? Would he feel happier that he has a pull up on just in case or is he desperate not to?
I assume from what you say he's out of nappies at school usually, in which case going back could produce comments and make him feel demoted.

How long a coach journey, and how long a trip and are the toilets easy to get to from all places they'll be at? Does he have 1-2-1 help at school?

If the coach journey isn't too long, and he won't get distressed if he does wet himself, and there are toilets close at all times, and he's keen to go without nappies, then I'd say they need to be prepared give it a go sometimes. If they say no this year, is it still going to be no next year?

Icimoi · 18/06/2015 14:47

I would hope they would have the sense to change any child instead of letting them sit in their own wee or poo.

But presumably that is what was happening, OP, when you had him in nappies in the past - at least until they became aware that the nappy needed changing.

Honestly it's not a teachers or teaching assistants job to change a child unless they are specifically paid to provide support for your child.

Yes it is, purplepoodle. The school has to make reasonable adjustments for disability which will clearly include helping a child who is in nappies or has incontinence difficulties, and in any event would have to help a child in that situation under their normal duty of care.

googoodolly · 18/06/2015 14:48

I think YABU. It's different when you're out with him on his own - you don't have other children to worry about and you're not keeping to the strict schedules of a school trip.

I think you need to understand that on a school-trip, there won't always be the time to change him if he has an accident - that involves cleaning him up, a whole new change of clothes, rather than a quick nappy change. And if it happens more than once, it's extra time and more sets of clothes to carry about all day. I don't think it's really fair to put teachers in that position on a school trip when there are other viable alternatives, sorry.

Original poster
Piratejones · 18/06/2015 14:48

He has padded pants Brie which contain a wee long enough to change him.

OP posts:
DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 18/06/2015 14:49

Are you able to go with them? make it more comfortable for him (not always possible with other commitments, but might help?)

Original poster
Piratejones · 18/06/2015 14:52

DeeWe

Coach is bout 15 minutes, he has 1:1, or at least he's down as having 1:1 but doesn't always get it. Obviously he's got a Health care plan because people have had to change him in the past.

OP posts:
Hexenbiest · 18/06/2015 14:59

I suggest venting on here then very calmly going in and asking teacher/head the reasoning behind this - get them to explain/justify the decision making process to you and why they have made this apparent about turn.

It's possible there are good reasons - location/transport - and it's possible it's an assumption that it will be better ( though ask for who) and you can challenge it and possibly get it reversed.

Original poster
Piratejones · 18/06/2015 15:03

That is most probably what i will end up doing Hex, very sensible advice.

OP posts:
Golfhotelromeofoxtrot · 18/06/2015 15:10

pirate if he is in a mainstream school then this is a terrible attitude. I've experience of mainstream and SEN and have never seen anyone flinch at nappies in SEN.

barbarian I really value SEN specialist education. It's often looked down on by people who feel they've failed their child if they are offered a place there, and that makes me really sad. Mainstream is often the wrong place for SEN students with highly complex needs that are there after turning down SN school places.

BarbarianMum · 18/06/2015 15:13

Golf I agree. But I think it does have to be decided on an individual basis, looking both at the needs of the child and the provision available. And I don't really think continence should be part of that equation.

Golfhotelromeofoxtrot · 18/06/2015 15:23

barb yes, you are totally 100% right. Continence is by no means a factor when choosing mainstream/SEN if that is the only SN.

Original poster
Piratejones · 18/06/2015 15:30

Yes golf it is disgusting.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 18/06/2015 15:45

i think for a school trip, where he is only semi reliable, then you need to put him in a pull-up. Whatever their attitude is the rest of the time is a seperate issue

x2boys · 18/06/2015 15:46

i think i would just send him in pullups for the day i have a five year old ds who is still in nappies he has asd and learning difficulties he goes to a S/N school and they are brilliant my friend however whose son attends a mainstream schooll in nappies has nothing but hassle about him still being in nappies from the school , he has global development delay plus a statement and still she gets hassle.

Marioswife · 18/06/2015 16:05

Put him in a nappy and hope he gives them heck.

Marioswife · 18/06/2015 16:06

To me it sounds a bit like laziness on their part, but they do have 30 kids to look after.

DeeWe · 18/06/2015 16:10

In that case, Pirate, I am totally on your side.

Going back into nappies is not on, he can go to the toilet before going on the coach and shouldn't need it even if journey time is doubled. He has a 1-2-1 who can take him off to the loo if he needs it, plus if he does wet himself slightly it won't go on his clothes.
You just need to make sure he's clear that if he does wet into his pants he tells them so he can change them, I'll bet he can do it on his own to, and that he needs to say when he needs to go and they'll take him straight away.

Treat him like he's old enough and he'll play up to that.
Push him down into a younger role and I'll bet his behaviour will reflect that.

They need to raise their expectations of him.

PeterParkerSays · 18/06/2015 16:17

If I've understood this correctly, staff at your DS' school have previously refused to take him on a day trip from school because he was in nappies. Now they're saying he has to wear one to go on a trip.

Were these comments from the same staff member or someone different? Has the school possibly got their act together and put guidance in place for their staff in the intervening years? I would raise it as an issue about their lack of consistency. Whether he wears a nappy or not is kind of irrelevant to this, that should depend on him on the day, but school shouldn't be dictating to him / you either way and can't deny him access to this activity because of his toileting needs.

Original poster
Piratejones · 18/06/2015 16:37

DeeWee and Peter yes, you've got it and understand exactly what the issue is.

OP posts:
Original poster
Piratejones · 18/06/2015 16:52

Treat him like he's old enough and he'll play up to that.
Push him down into a younger role and I'll bet his behaviour will reflect that. They need to raise their expectations of him.

This is it, It just feels like they are trying to hinder any progress.

OP posts:
Marioswife · 18/06/2015 17:52

It's probably better giving him the dignity not to piss his pants in-front of his friends.

GoblinLittleOwl · 18/06/2015 18:26

How about a little gratitude for the staff who have had to deal with your child's nappies for the past three years, whatever the reason, instead of slagging them off to all and sundry.