To think this is rude at a concert

[TheRobbingBastards]

We went to DS's Summer concert last night. This is a big event for the music department and the children who perform.

My judgey pants were pulled well up at the couple who arrived with two younger DS's (about 7is) in tow, plonked themselves in the front row then fished an iPad in a luminous green case out of a bag. The two boys then spent the whole concert playing a game that involved much waving of arms. All the time they were sat in front of the stage, in direct eyeline of the children performing

In fairness they had the sound down, both boys stayed in their seats all the way through the concert and apart from the occasional muffled gasp or cheer they were quiet. I also realise that expecting DC to behave themselves through an event like that is easier said than done, and don't necessarily judge the parents for using an iPad to keep them entertained. It's more the inconsideration of allowing them to distract the performers as well as the audience several rows behind them.

So AIBU and curmudgeonly or was this unnecessarily rude and thoughtless?

Watching DS2's Christmas production at the end of Y2 a child in the audience kept screeching and shouting out. It was off-putting for the audience and made more than one infant performer forget their lines or not be heard.

I've no idea what the problem was, why the parents didn't take the child out or why the HT didn't ask for 'parents to take crying or noisy children out' etc. Both parents sat steadfastly with their child both trying but failing to hush him. So as a result 75 performers had their big day spoiled.

Tsk Tsk people with kids with SN know your place.

Unless you can make them act like they don't have SN, don't impose them on other people. Sit at the back out of the way.

They would have had to manage in the 1950s when a good smack sorted it all out and there was no such thing as ADHD.

SN is not an excuse for not acting NT and having behavioural issues.

Watching DS2's Christmas production at the end of Y2 a child in the audience kept screeching and shouting out.

That could be my DD. It's the only noise she can make. Guess she can't go to anything.

Fuck me, tolerance is dead these days.

Pardon my swearing. I get a bit irate when I read narrow minded intolerant shite on here yet again.

My DD makes noises and flaps her hands.

Maybe we should just have a special "SN section" at the back of places. Segregation.

Or we could be tolerant and think about why a child may keep shouting or or screeching and think of their right to be there. Which doesn't trump other people's but it is equal.

Chances are, the kids didn't have SN. Plenty of parents of NT kids pull out iPads at the least opportunity.

Front row of a concert really isn't ideal, but this is AIBU, so you'll get the response you get...

And the child who randomly shouted out and screeched?

Am actually going to hide the thread now. Properly.

I must point out I do the sitting at back and taking DD out thing. But being told we must is wrong. In an ideal world there would be inclusion and tolerance.

And yes these kids may not have had SN. But the blanket "it's rude" applies to people on this thread who have explained their kids do this and have SN.

And the kid who randomly shouted out and screeched was very likely to have it. And apparently "should have been removed". You would love my DD''s school concerts.

Anyway enjoy the thread. Will not be back for a good while. Self preservation.

DS2 (NT) could not have been trusted not to shout out when he was 2 -3, especially if he saw his brother on a stage directly in front of him.

I would not have sat him in the front row directly in front of his brother at the school concert. DS1 worked really hard at his lines, as did his classmates (some NT some with SN) and they deserved to be able to perform without a distracting DS2. So we sat at the side at the back so I could remove him if he was distracting the small performers.

No one is saying that the children, who may or may not have had SN, shouldn't have been there. What most people are saying is that the parents should have shown consideration to the DCs on stage and not have sat the DCs directly in front of them playing with tablets.

It is the parents who are to be criticised for their lack of respect.

How about thinking about the wishes of the performing child with a sibling with SN.

Is he never going to be allowed to have parents sitting on the front row, where after all most young children would wish their parent to be, because of the needs of his sibling.

For you it might be one concert slightly disrupted. For him it might be a childhood having to miss out and make accomodations because of the needs of his sibling. Perhaps this is one event where his needs could actually take priority because after all it is not a hugely disruptive thing to have a child playing on a tablet.

And yes, like most of the posters with children with SN posting on this thread, we do sit at the back or choose not to go to occasions where it is likely one ds or the other may cause a disruption. It is sad for them when they are the only ones without parent in attendance because of the needs of their brother and really it shouldn't always be us and the ds's that make the accomodations.

The most important DCs in this scenario are all the DCs on the stage. As a former teacher and a watching parent I have seen too many performances spoiled by disruptive behaviour and had to comfort tearful DCs who were unable to perform at their best or even at all because parents in the audience didn't remove or quieten younger DCs who were making it impossible for those on stage to concentrate on what they should be doing. Both NT DCs and those with SNs.

I get really fed up when I read on threads like these that "it's only a school concert". To the DCs involved it's very important. It's something they've looked forward to for weeks and they deserve the best possible conditions in which to perform. It may not seem important to a lot of people but it is to them.

As I said above, DC2 would be likely to disrupt the performance so I didn't give him chance to, we sat at the back.

Cat, I meant lick. Why?

Well said One

I think if an event is completely unsuitable for a child, even because I'd sn, the parents need to make arrangements for them to be minded while they go out to the event if they really want to go. I think YANBU OP.

Like it's that easy, Cherry.
Of course I would use childcare if I was able to access it.

So I take measures to make sure nobody is unduly disturbed. Or would you have parents of disabled children excluded from school events?

OneInEight - Yes it is hugely disruptive for the children on stage to see someone in the front row playing on a tablet.
Disability is about reasonable adjustment, I know I am disabled. You still have to take the needs of others into account.
Being disabled or having disabled SNs does not mean you can only think about yourself.

But it's ok for our other children to have to miss out on having parents at events then?
It's entirely reasonable for a noiseless not flashing device to be provided at the side or rear of the room.

Yes. Sit at the back. You do still have to think of others.

YANBU
They should have sat at the back

But if they were not watching the performance then they surely should not sit at the front row?

"Parents I know who had DCs with SNs bent over backwards to teach them to behave as "normal". Their SNs were not used as an excuse to be rude."

Then you probably don't know any with severe sn who will never behave as "normal" and will never understand what rude is.

Hello
Thanks to everyone who reported this thread.

We'd like to remind you that Mumsnet aims to support parents and find ways we can all make life easier during this parenting lark- this is especially true for parents of children with additional needs who often face extra struggles.

We know the OP was not referring to children with SN specifically, but some of the later posts on this thread are, and they are not really very supportive at all. If there is one thing we could all use as parents, it's a little moral support.

Please bear that in mind when you post.

If you get a chance, please have a look at our This Is My Child Campaign for some information on why raising awareness is so important.
Thanks

Thanks Becky

Sad to see adults still thinking that people with SN should be segregated from society. It shows very clearly how people think of them as inferior, rather than different. How would you feel if told your DC should sit at the back, away from "normal" people because of something they can't help? It smacks of the "back of the bus" mentality.

What do these people think "inclusion" actually means?!

I just don't know what people think purple. Even if you have been 'lucky' and have a NT child, you may be affected through grandchildren or some other way and you just don't know.

It's just sad. The thread is just sad - that's the only way I can describe it.