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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is he being selfish or am I a killjoy?

201 replies

fabby40 · 11/06/2015 10:29

So we have 3 young dc. I am a sahm but I am looking for part time work. Dh is about to be between jobs and we have received a large inheritance. Once mortgage paid off we will have maye 150k in the bank.
now dh wants to spend maybe 30k converting the loft so he can have a room for him to use as a hobby room. Thinking building train tracks etc etc.
I am of course happy to support him in this (it is his inheritance) but I do have some qualms about spending alot of money when we will both be between employment. Everyone round us seem to be of the go for it mate mentality which I understand following a bereavement .
mn jury what do you think?
aibu

OP posts:
Original poster
fabby40 · 11/06/2015 11:03

I do my hobby during the day as my gym has a creche.

OP posts:
CornChips · 11/06/2015 11:04

I would say go for a loft conversion if it adds value to your home also. It's irrelevant then what it is used for (largely... assuming you have enough space for you and the DCs!) it would be good use of money.

Is there something analogous that you can have a bit of a splurge on too? (that also might add value I mean, so not 'wasted'.... re-dong the garden etc?)

Original poster
fabby40 · 11/06/2015 11:07

Well we do need a new kitchen. Currently we pay alot on commuting and pensions so perhaps it would last longer than 4 years although running costs on a large 4 bed in the South East is still high.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 11/06/2015 11:09

But if neither of you work, it would take ages to get back into work in the future, wouldn't it? From the way you're talking it's as though you think you won't be working - eg no pension contributions, no commuting, etc.

OvertiredandConfused · 11/06/2015 11:11

I'd agree to earmark the money to do the conversion once he's earning again and plan to do the same for the kitchen.

Could you maybe put away / invest £75k for the long term, then have £25k in easily accessible savings, £30k for the loft and £20k for kitchen / other house improvements?

Moltenpink · 11/06/2015 11:12

Nothing wrong with train sets, but I would rather put 10k each in an ISA for the kids for when they reach 18. I am very boring with money though.

FantasticButtocks · 11/06/2015 11:13

Yes, you are being a killjoy! You will have a mortgage-free home AND lots of money in the bank! You have the chance to have some fun and indulge yourselves a bit... You will be in a better position financially than before this massive windfall. Tis a shame if this large sum of money causes you worry and strife instead of fun and pleasure!

ShadowFire · 11/06/2015 11:16

I would want to have a job bringing money in before committing to spending 30k.

As for the trains - I don't know why some posters have such a problem with an adult having a model train set. It's a perfectly harmless hobby, there's far worse pastimes out there.

bilbodog · 11/06/2015 11:16

I've always wanted a train set but was never allowed to as a little girl because its a 'boys' toy. I would be tempted to move house unless you absolutely love where you are - otherwise let him do what he wants! I would also put some aside for the kids -help with uni if they go - buy them a car when they are older or just help them to travel or leave home when the time comes. Whatever you do I hope you enjoy it as well. Good luck.

Original poster
fabby40 · 11/06/2015 11:17

The pension contributions relate to dhs old job. They ate wuite alot into his salary. However, he wants to get a job at a lower level locally so couldn't realistically continue to put £500 per month into a pension and fuel costs would reduce too. I am desparate to get back to work but only really want part time as childcare for 3 is so expensive. Although I gess I won't need childcare if dh is still jobsearching.

OP posts:
Effiewhaursmabaffies · 11/06/2015 11:17

We were in sort of the same situation. I received unexpectedly a much smaller amount of money after leaving a job. We wanted a new car, but waited until I had a job again. Its a sensible compromise. Its a good incentive to get a new job quickly.

Toffeelatteplease · 11/06/2015 11:19

Train Tracks in the house are SOOO much fun!!!! I remember winter evenings in the loft playing (carefully) with the trains.

Doesn't reduce value to a house. Most railways are built on boards which are removable, just remove it if you come to sell

But I would also say Job first. Even though that sounds tough

Original poster
fabby40 · 11/06/2015 11:20

I am confident that he is serious about finding employment but being serious only works if there are the right roles out there. Think conversion will definitely happen with good grace but only once at least one of us is working.

OP posts:
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 11/06/2015 11:21

Id put the 30k into a high interest account for a year. Hobby time spent on new jobs. Once the year is up, spend the 30k on the attic as long as you are both in work.

minibmw2010 · 11/06/2015 11:21

Do the loft conversion and make a decent size room with ensuite that when the trains are gone will still be a useful addition to the house. At least he wants to do a hobby that will keep him at home with his family and nearby. I don't see anything bad about that. My DH would love a space where he and DS could build huge tracks. But thinking you'll go through the rest of the money in such a short space of time is madness! If your DH knows he'll be out of work soon then is he now looking for the next job?

MyOneandYoni · 11/06/2015 11:23

What a brilliant situation to be in!
I have 3 young DCS and we both work two jobs and still have a 200k mortgage.

And a hobby where he wants to be at home, not fishing, not running marathons, not dogging.

You are a very lucky lady.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 11/06/2015 11:24

Does no one think it's astonishing to be married to an ADULT WHO WANTS TO BUILD TRAIN TRACKS?

Not a man I'd like to get naked with but each to their own. Who cares? It's a hobby, whatever floats his boat.

OP, your mortgage will be paid off AND you'll have 150k. A loft conversion will increase your home value and still leave you with a huge amount of money. I can't see any problem or how its linked at all to his job situation, which is a whole other matter.

ollieplimsoles · 11/06/2015 11:24

A loft conversion is fine but I think its a bit off if he wants it just for him, I would hope its not going to be a dad's room that kids aren't allowed to play in? I think thats a bit mean. A loft conversion would make a great family room though!

I would also make sure I had a good amount firmly put away for the DCs (uni education, mortgages) Its really hard and who knows what it will be like in some years time. I would want to make sure I had a bit of money to help them.

Minus2seventy3 · 11/06/2015 11:24

He's inherited enough for you both to live mortgage free (everyone's "end game", surely?), and then still have £150k left... Let him indulge his hobby, what's the harm?
Imagine if you were to "veto" the spend - would be pretty controlling and, yes a "killjoy".

seaweed123 · 11/06/2015 11:25

I would love a hobby room, and also the time to design and build a really complex and cool (wrong word...) train track layout. With tunnels and multiple levels and loads of details in the terrain and stuff. I think that would be fun.

I'd keep the money in the bank until I had a job though.

PrincessShcherbatskaya · 11/06/2015 11:26

Do you get to also spend £30k on your hobby?

BathtimeFunkster · 11/06/2015 11:31

I wouldn't want to spend 1/6th of our capital if we had no income.

Tanith · 11/06/2015 11:33

DH came complete with his trainset. He also brought his teddy bear Grin
I did wonder whether I should incorporate them in the marriage vows... ("With this Bear, I thee wed; for faster or slower, depending on the points and signals...")

DS has the train set now and DD quickly laid claim to the bear.

canweseethebunnies · 11/06/2015 11:35

Yes, I think you are being a killjoy. Your DH's plan sounds reasonable. He's hardly being reckless is he? And presumably he's lost a parent

It's not likely you'll both be out of work for four years plus. You are in a very good financial position, it's ok to relax and enjoy it a little instead of constantly worrying about what the future might hold.

museumum · 11/06/2015 11:35

Given the amounts of money you're talking about I don't think that spending £30k on the loft is unreasonable. It's not just spending 'on a hobby' it's on the house and who knows what will happen to the value - an extra useable room can only be a good selling point, even if it doesn't add to the value directly due to the ceiling price it should still make the house easier and quicker to sell than its neighbours.

Without a mortgage to pay, £120k should really last you if you're job seeking and have qualifications and expertise. I know that some people really struggle to find work and some areas have few jobs but I would very much expect my dh to find a new job in no more than six months to a year so having four years worth of living costs would be more than enough for us. Anything not needed after that period would be saved for the future/children's education/retirement etc.

Also, once you or your dh are working again, you STILL don't have any mortgage to pay, so you can afford to work p/t or short term contracts or lower salary... so flexible...

The only thing i'd say is that no contracts are signed or work started on the loft till one or other of you has a new job (just in case you decide to move for an amazing work opportunity or you struggle to find work).

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