is he being selfish or am I a killjoy?

[fabby40]

So we have 3 young dc. I am a sahm but I am looking for part time work. Dh is about to be between jobs and we have received a large inheritance. Once mortgage paid off we will have maye 150k in the bank.
now dh wants to spend maybe 30k converting the loft so he can have a room for him to use as a hobby room. Thinking building train tracks etc etc.
I am of course happy to support him in this (it is his inheritance) but I do have some qualms about spending alot of money when we will both be between employment. Everyone round us seem to be of the go for it mate mentality which I understand following a bereavement .
mn jury what do you think?
aibu

It does make a difference Worra. A hobby is not just a hobby regardless of what it consists of.

I thought train tracks were usually movable and portable not permanent fixtures.

I wouldn't marry an adult woman who collected dolls either, unless they were life size male sex dolls, of course.

Actually he is looking at a new car too as company car has to go back.

The plan is for them to be moveable.

Trains etc might seem like a silly hobby and it's not to my taste but it's a harmless hobby isn't it? Not much different from gaming, cross stitching, Eddie stobart lorry spotting, watching crappy soaps or tv box sets.

I think train thing was something he did in his youth and having money in the bank has reignited it.

It's pretty mean to sneer at someone else's interests especially when they are as wholesome as train track and model trains. Or are people only meant to have cool hobbies?

Convert the loft. Is it big enough to have two rooms up there - one for his tracks and the other as a playroom for the dcs or something?

But you've got the money. Use it to convert the loft for whatever purpose.

YOu'll both get jobs - that's a matter of when, not if.

Agree harmless. Going clubbing till 4am would be worse.

But like any hobby if it's done to detriment of family life or relationships then it's a problem. Depends on if spending £30k is detrimental to family life. And if he has to buy a car as well, then it might be.

We live on a road which has quite a low ceiling price so ...

Would it be better to spend the money on a new property? - somewhere that already has a hobbies room and/or in a road with higher ceiling prices.

You sound really nice, op.

But clubbing is a lot more fun, you know.

We have looked at other properties but to get what we want would cost much more than 30k.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with this. WTF is wrong with an adult indulging in a hobby (regardless of what it is given its not hurting anyone) given the large sum of money which will be leftover afterwards?

you are very lucky, you have the money to do this then go for it. Men do like their hobbies. Maybe have some boundaries as to how long he spends up there away from the family though!..

Does he already have the train set? If If not that's something to consider as they're not cheap and can be constantly added to meaning it's an ongoing outlay on top of the cost of the actual loft conversion.

He has some stuff but wants to spend £500 approx initially. Guess it probably will be an ongoing expense.

If you've got enough money to last 4 years of not working then I don't see how spending £30k upfront would be a problem. That is assuming that, as another poster said, your house is big enough and the loft room wouldn't be better used for another bedroom. If you need more space in the house, could you do a loft conversion for use as a bedroom and then spend a bit more (£10-15k?) on a proper garden room for hobby?

He wants a playroom/man cave complete with train tracks?

what a knob

Why on earth is he a 'knob' because he would enjoy playing with/collecting trains?

Does no one think it's astonishing to be married to an ADULT WHO WANTS TO BUILD TRAIN TRACKS?

No really. The train set industry targets adults. I'm astonished to see that adults (on here - never heard of it anywhere else) spend time colouring in, but each to his / her own.

However, a separate room might well lead to him spending all his free time there, and a rather lonely existence in the rest of the house for the OP if she isn't careful.

My main question about this is: what hobbies do you have fabby40, and will you have the opportunity to indulge in them?

I might also have a slight concern that the loft conversion project would act as a distraction from the, perhaps less interesting, task of finding a new job for your DH.

I don't see an issue. Mortgage gets paid off, he gets a hobby room, there's an extra room adding value to the house, all win as far as I understand. However, I don't understand how (without a mortgage) you expect to go through £120k 'in about 4 years'? That's a lot of out goings when you minus possibly the biggest one of all. I think you need to sit down with your husband and make a financial plan. Minus all the expenditure you are planning with this money, if what is leftover can keep you going until you find work, then have the loft conversion.

I am worried that with such a large amount of money in the bank you and he will lose the will to get another job and before you know it you've spent a few years just living off this money. It has to be extra money, doesn't it? He needs to focus on getting full time work now so that this huge lump sum is something you can both really do something with.

It's his inheritance, hes paying off mortgag , yabvu.