To want to pull out of a foreign holiday with dh's family?

[Giddymamma]

My mil has a big birthday coming up and has booked a villa for a week in a hot location at the end of August. I am supposed to be going with dh and our 2 yo son. Fil, 2 sils and their partners will also be there. I will be over 28 weeks pregnant.

My thoughts for not going...

• Too hot and uncomfortable for my bump and my blonde little boy.
  
• childless sils are planning lots of expensive activities / day trips which are not suitable for toddlers. When this was mentioned they just said they would do them without us rather than adapting activities. (I get they don't want their holiday plans dictated by a toddler but this means dh either leaves us alone all day or misses out on family activities.)
  
• we would have to sort out car seat, push chair, cot etc, which isn't insurmountable but a faff and possibly expensive.
  
• I could cancel my flight and use money for the three of us to have a break in the uk to have time alone before new baba arrives, which we may not be able to afford otherwise.
  

Reasons for going....

• mil will be upset if we doesn't get a week with ds, especially as I have been away with ds and my parents to Cornwall earlier this year.
  
• dh is worried me pulling out will cause bad feeling in family.
  
• ds would probably love a week with a private pool and it would be nice for him to spend time with the other side of the family as sils live away and he doesn't know them very well.
  

What to do?! I would still want dh to go and spend quality time with his family without having to worry about me and ds feeling left out. I would need to get a docs note if I was to fly, so if I was "unable to get one", surely a "medical" reason for me and ds not going would avoid any recriminations / bad feeling?! Ps: ain't no way I would want ds going away for a week without his mama, so that's not an option! :) thanks in advance everyone.

[suspiciousdelicious]

Hi Giddy

For what its worth I would spend the flight money on a break at center parcs and get pampered while LO is at the Time out club. Eat loads of yummy food. If MIL does not understand then she can just sulk. IT IS YOUR LIFE. DH should just bloody well do wha tever you want to do as you are full of a baby.

[grapejuicerocks]

I think they only want dh to go too. They'll get over you backing out.

[Giddymamma]

It's getting a bit urm, nasty, on here so I'm going to check out. (Is that sulky?!) Thank you to those of you who were supportive of my fears. Thank you also to those of you who pointed out the other side of the argument. I was particularly humbled by the poster who lost her pils. I'm thinking that a decision doesn't have to be made for another ten weeks, which is when I will need to arrange docs note if I go. I have no idea how I will feel at that time and the decision may even be taken out of my hands. I hope not, as that would indicate problems in my pregnancy. if I'm feeling good, and my pregnancy is going well, and here's hoping it will be, I will pull on my big girl pants, put on a smile and hang out with my boy round a pool I haven't had to pay for. I.e. suck it up. If, in ten weeks, I am struggling or an enormous heat wave is predicted, I will put my babies first, apologise and wish them and dh a lovely holiday. Thanks again. X

[CrapBag]

Oh OP, what more do you want. They have offered to do a wine tasting activity! My goodness how selfish are you .

They have had a chance to ingratiate you and your child in to the holiday just a little bit. They have, instead, shown how little they want you there. Grant them their wish, tell them to do one and have a break for the 3 of you as you want. No point trying to please people like this.

[CrapBag]

Oh just seen your update. You're a bigger person than me. I would be pulling out now. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

[Lashalicious]

It's better to pull out now than wait until last minute. Your reasons are still valid at this early juncture.

[diddl]

I think that you should say no know tbh.

Then your husband can just go on all the trips without feeling torn between you & the others.

You also won't have to worry about if anyone is ignoring your toddler/irritated by him...

You can just be comfortable at home.

Or being spoiled at your parents?

[diddl]

that should have been say no now of course!

[Nanny0gg]

Having read your Christmas update it says it all.

If you have to go I think your DH should make a stand and stay with you by the pool. Maybe go on one trip to show willing. But his family need to be shown, very clearly, that you and your DS are his priority now.

I also think that if you can't/don't go, he shouldn't go either, for the same reason.

[LikeASoulWithoutAMind]

I think you should go - but definitely have a chat with your dh about the trips. He definitely shouldn't be leaving you on your own every day.

If it helps, we went on holiday twice when I was 28wks pg - to hot places - 2nd time with a v fair 2yo and it was fine. We had a lovely time - siestas are key - we used to take a picnic tea for Ds to the beach at around 4pm when it was quieter and a more pleasant temperature.

I also went to a vineyard - dh tasted all the wines and I had a little sip of the nicest, then we bought a couple of bottles to bring home. One to wet the baby's head and another to keep.

[MNpostingbot]

Bit late to this thread but having just returned from a holiday with my extended family in law, if you can get out of it, then do so

From OP sounds like you have a decent reason at 28 weeks and if you can avoid these things do it.

Particularly if you have a mother in law that is incapable of listening to polite requests, for example please don't walk my 18 month old around the crowds of people getting baggage at the airport just to try and fish for your final few "isn't he cutes" from he public. everyone is stressed and in a rush, he's going to have his head knocked off by a suitcase. He's tired and is 100% likely to fall over and start crying

Especially when Ive put up with you ignoring every polite request for a week, it's three am and I'm very likely to give you a mouthful of abuse and let everyone end the holiday with a bad taste in their mouth....

Sorry, that was cathartic