To want to pull out of a foreign holiday with dh's family?

[Giddymamma]

My mil has a big birthday coming up and has booked a villa for a week in a hot location at the end of August. I am supposed to be going with dh and our 2 yo son. Fil, 2 sils and their partners will also be there. I will be over 28 weeks pregnant.

My thoughts for not going...

• Too hot and uncomfortable for my bump and my blonde little boy.
  
• childless sils are planning lots of expensive activities / day trips which are not suitable for toddlers. When this was mentioned they just said they would do them without us rather than adapting activities. (I get they don't want their holiday plans dictated by a toddler but this means dh either leaves us alone all day or misses out on family activities.)
  
• we would have to sort out car seat, push chair, cot etc, which isn't insurmountable but a faff and possibly expensive.
  
• I could cancel my flight and use money for the three of us to have a break in the uk to have time alone before new baba arrives, which we may not be able to afford otherwise.
  

Reasons for going....

• mil will be upset if we doesn't get a week with ds, especially as I have been away with ds and my parents to Cornwall earlier this year.
  
• dh is worried me pulling out will cause bad feeling in family.
  
• ds would probably love a week with a private pool and it would be nice for him to spend time with the other side of the family as sils live away and he doesn't know them very well.
  

What to do?! I would still want dh to go and spend quality time with his family without having to worry about me and ds feeling left out. I would need to get a docs note if I was to fly, so if I was "unable to get one", surely a "medical" reason for me and ds not going would avoid any recriminations / bad feeling?! Ps: ain't no way I would want ds going away for a week without his mama, so that's not an option! :) thanks in advance everyone.

[petalsandstars]

Only the mother- not the father doggy?

[PomeralLights]

'Why should they coo over the child' ummm because it's a family holiday they organised, and he's family?

If you invited someone on holiday wouldn't you feel some obligation to be nice to them?

[Ruperta]

Do you really think that you are going to be able to get a doctor to lie to say you can't travel - what a waste of an appointment/ NHS resources.

Please don't waste the GPs time & just make up the lie yourself!

[rookiemere]

I'm interested to know what airline refunds flight costs?

[Doggygirl]

Personally, I would detest to go on holiday where there was a small child that I had no interest in.

Why should I bother to talk to the unwelcome kid of some woman, who deigned to come on holiday with us mere mortals who don't feel gratitude at breathing the same air as Sulky Overheated Pregnant Lady?

I am not one of the S

[Doggygirl]

I am not one of the SILs. Thank heaven.

[ADishBestEatenCold]

"dh had a word with his sis to say was there nothing we could all do together. Sil has suggested an additional trip. To a vineyard."

Could your DH not suggest some more suitable trips, activities or days out?

They are his parents, too, so presumably he could become actively involved in making suggestions and planning, and would be in a much better position than SIL to think of things that might suit everybody, including your son!

SIL may genuinely not have a clue about what might be enjoyable for a toddler too (at the same time as being enjoyable for your DH's parents), but your DH is in a position to know and make suitable suggestions.

[Ludways]

I know what it's like to go on holiday when you really don't want to be there, I've been on holiday with IL's a few times. I do think YABU though, you'll have to suck it up and go. It's only a week.

[findingmyfeet12]

Doggy, your comments about the OPs child sound rude.

[GColdtimer]

Doggy could you be anymore unpleasant?

[Myricales]

Just wondering which airline it is that would refund you for your ticket?

Depends the basis you buy the ticket on. I've travelled on tickets that could be refunded right up to the point the gate closed, but you pay for that.

Anyway, the refund is a red herring. Suppose the OP loses every penny. They have a choice: pay £X00 to be miserable in Spain, or lose £X00 being less miserable at home.

[Giddymamma]

I'm not cross with dh. I don't like his family much. I am very precious about my boy. They are making it painfully obvious they don't want to go on holiday with a toddler. They haven't to coo over him, I never force him on them. It wasn't on holiday that a little boy, their nephew, tried to show him his fricking ball, it was at Christmas when I spent four days with them at Dhs request, when they never paid him any attention, nor were they asked to by me or dh. He wandered over to them while we (dh, ds and I) were playing in the front room and they came in.

I would have gone on the holiday if it was just ds to keep the peace. I am used to his sils, I am happy looking after my ds on his own. Hence booking it. I now I will also be 7 months pregnant and expected to do the same. As one poster pointed out, if I mention to dh at any time that I am tired / hot / need a break I will apparently be rubbing it in sils face.

Dh will be under enormous pressure to go on trips. To give you an example... Sil has been with her boyf since school, so their families live nearby to each other despite both kids living away now. For over a decade they have Christmas lunched with their respective families and then boyf has come to join sil and family in the evening. This year, at half past nine at night, sil said they were headed back to boyfs for the first time ever on Christmas Day for a drink with his family and would be back later. His mum cried and said she was ruining Christmas.

[Doggygirl]

Oh, come on!

The OP posted in the hope that she would be told YANBU when, in fact, she is sulking because the majority of people told her to get over herself and go on the holiday.

If I was one of her SIL, I would be annoyed by a pregnant mother of a toddler whining about her precious infant not being told how wonderful he is by two adults who wish to enjoy their holiday.

[findingmyfeet12]

If the adults resent interacting with the toddler so much, why would the give a toss if the op decides not to go?

[bakingaddict]

Don't go OP, life is too short to go on holiday with people who don't seem to like you. I do actually like my IL's but find going on holiday with them a bit wearing especially when we are all cooped up in a cottage for a week. Believe me tempers can flare even for us and we get along reasonably well so I can only imagine what it would be like for you when they seem to only tolerate you at best

Politely decline the holiday and offer to organize a family dinner when they get back.

[TheVeryHungryPreggo]

Sure, Doggy. It's almost as if the pregnant mother and her husband haven't shelled out a lot of money so it could be their family holiday too...

[Marynary]

The OP posted in the hope that she would be told YANBU when, in fact, she is sulking because the majority of people told her to get over herself and go on the holiday.

Not sure which thread you're reading. The majority of posters totally understand why OP doesn't want to go on holiday with her in laws.

[monkeychops06]

OP, dont go on the holiday. Stay at home, in your comfort zone and dont put yourself through the stress.

[Giddymamma]

doggy, dont worry, I didn't mistake you for one of my sil. They are indifferent rather than actively unpleasant.

I don't need sils to love ds, he has plenty of other family and friends that do. They wouldn't blank one of their friends children (I assume?) so I find it hurtful when they do it to their blood. But it's their decision.

Airline doesn't refund costs, travel insurance does. We checked.

The airline would require me to have a docs note if I am to fly. Getting the note is a waste if a GPs time. Not getting one is not.

[GogoGobo]

Doggy stop using such inflammatory language about the OPs child. Totally inappropriate and as someone has said up thread you sound like you have your own issues. They are yours, not the OPs. No one thinks a small child offering a ball is some precocious attention demanding brat unless they have been reincarnated from 1845!

[eddielizzard]

doesn't sound like they really want you and ds to go, to be brutally honest. they're not exactly bending over backwards.

i'd not go, dh can go on his own and enjoy all the activities. not the best, but really this isn't an appropriate holiday. the mil doesn't sound like she's desperate for your ds to go either. sounds like she just wants her kids.

[LoveToReadAibu247]

Don't go OP!!! YANBU and I truly feel for you. I would find it hard to get everything I need organized for the holiday, I would find it stressful flying there with a toddler, and being regnant and having to look after a toddler in new surroundings without much help or sympathy is my idea of hell! A hot holiday is not for everyone and just because the villa is paid for doesn't mean this is going to be a relaxing holiday. Surely people would be more likely to understand your reasons for not going now that you are pregnant. Good luck.

[MirandaGoshawk]

Haven't read all the thread but good grief, I gave birth at 29 weeks - I think YANBU to cancel, especially as you booked it before you were pg and you don't like them much I'd rather stay at home, in your situation.