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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dp needs to get a job and it's not fair

280 replies

Summereveningscents · 05/06/2015 20:30

Dp lost his job last month.since then he's just whined about how he's stressed and upset and is going to appeal the decision.

Problem is there's hardly any money coming in. Just what I earn.

He wants to go back to college which is ok in principle but expects me to pay for it! He's 37 this year and he's only worked for 3 years.

AIBU to think he needs to grow up and get a job? And not rely on me as I'm working really hard and paying for everything and it's not fair.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 05/06/2015 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stealthpolarbear · 05/06/2015 20:32

How an he have only worked for 3 years? Has he been a said?

The5DayChicken · 05/06/2015 20:32

He could get a 24+ loan for his college course. (not the point, I know)

LapsedTwentysomething · 05/06/2015 20:32

YANBU and if he expects you to fund the luxury of his education then you're better off without him. What was he doing for the other 18 years of his employable life?

mileend2bermondsey · 05/06/2015 20:33

He's 37 this year and he's only worked for 3 years
You knew what you were getting yourself into from the start then?
I couldn't be with someone like that.

Alisvolatpropiis · 05/06/2015 20:33

YANBU

How on earth has he only worked since he was 34 years old though?

Original poster
Summereveningscents · 05/06/2015 20:33

He's been doing uni courses mainly. Some worked out some didn't.

4 years at uni doing one course. Then trained as a teacher but didn't qualify. Then did another course lasting 3 years. Then worked for 2 years. Then started an Msc. Then worked for a year.

OP posts:
Lweji · 05/06/2015 20:34

Why does he want to go back to college?
If there was the prospect of earning more, then it would be an investment.

Many women before have supported their partners through education only to be dumped at the end. I'd be very wary of supporting him. If he really wants to further study, then he can do it part-time, distance learning, on his spare time. Many others do it.

Your choice, but if you are not married, I'd definitely not do it.

Stealthpolarbear · 05/06/2015 20:35

So he's a perpetual student
Do you have children

HootyMcTooty · 05/06/2015 20:35

Yep, he needs to get a job

Fairylea · 05/06/2015 20:35

Even people at college have jobs. He needs to get something, anything. I did my A levels as a grown up working 35 hours a week in a pub in between my lessons and in the evening. It is possible to earn and study.

Lweji · 05/06/2015 20:36

Cross post.

Dump the bastard. He's not a finisher and he expects you to pay his keep.

How did he lose his job?

Applecross · 05/06/2015 20:36

Is he expecting some sort of inheritance? Bizarre. Yanbu, I'm amazed you've put up with it for such a long time...

Alisvolatpropiis · 05/06/2015 20:36

Oh bollocks to that.

He needs to get a job and stop living the life of a perennial student. I judge people my age (26) who are just aimlessly titting around racking up random uni course with no real aim. It is ridiculous in a man his age.

TheABC · 05/06/2015 20:37

Going back to college is fine if he funds it (student loan) and gets a part time job to pay living expenses.My Dp was supportive when I took up studying as the course was a direct qualification for my job. If the is the case, YABU. If he is using it to do as around and avoid work -YADNU and should be asking some serious questions about where you see the relationship going.

Original poster
Summereveningscents · 05/06/2015 20:37

No children no.

I have pointed out to him that when things went tits up at my workplace I was upset and shocked but had an interview for something else within 48 hours. It's like there's never any sense of urgency.

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 05/06/2015 20:38

If he wants to study, he needs to self fund by working at the same time. bar work, restaurants, supermarkets etc. You shouldn't be paying for it, and I would also expect him to contribute to the family budget.

TheABC · 05/06/2015 20:39

Slow typist. Saw the cross post. He is a perpetual student. Cut your losses.

ilovesooty · 05/06/2015 20:40

How did he fund his previous courses?

If you have no children why are you still with this immature cocklodger?

Stealthpolarbear · 05/06/2015 20:41

So he's not an sahd then, unless you have a very demanding hamster

LindyHemming · 05/06/2015 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sidge · 05/06/2015 20:41

Ah the eternal student.

Sod that. It's one thing retraining to further one's career or prospects. It's another to fanny about for years on end.

Even if he gets a McJob he needs to pay his way in this relationship. Tell him to shape up or ship out.

Original poster
Summereveningscents · 05/06/2015 20:43

Sooty well one was just a normal undergraduate degree. Then the other was with the nhs so funded. He paid for Msc with money his dad gave him

He does have a really nice side to him and I know it's like he doesn't mean to be a cocklodger, a lot of it is lacking confidence but it's so annoying he's always talking of the grand things hell do when he's done this and that.

OP posts:
FishWithABicycle · 05/06/2015 20:45

No more study. He's done plenty of studying and more of the same isn't going to change his future. Work is. Yes, he needs a job. Given that you don't have kids I would suggest the best thing to help him grow up is to live apart for 2 years - still dating but not sharing your daily bills etc. When he is a grownup and can provide for himself rather than relying on you, you can move back in together.

ilovesooty · 05/06/2015 20:45

Well it's easy to "lack confidence" when someone else is enabling it. You deserve better.