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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dp needs to get a job and it's not fair

280 replies

Summereveningscents · 05/06/2015 20:30

Dp lost his job last month.since then he's just whined about how he's stressed and upset and is going to appeal the decision.

Problem is there's hardly any money coming in. Just what I earn.

He wants to go back to college which is ok in principle but expects me to pay for it! He's 37 this year and he's only worked for 3 years.

AIBU to think he needs to grow up and get a job? And not rely on me as I'm working really hard and paying for everything and it's not fair.

OP posts:
Original poster
Summereveningscents · 05/06/2015 20:46

We do live apart :)

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Corygal · 05/06/2015 20:47

He doesn't like working. Some people really don't - by 37 I respectfully suggest you consider he may not change. He might be a brilliant SAHD tho, but I'm definitely not suggesting you give him the chance to find that out at the mo.

How long have you been together? What ended the previous relationship?

Applecross · 05/06/2015 20:48

You need quite a lot of confidence to study, more than holding down a job. if you do love him, sit him down and tell him no more training unless employer funded and directly helping towards a promotion.
Surely he's got enough training by now to get a decent job?

Original poster
Summereveningscents · 05/06/2015 20:49

Yeah I think I'm starting to agree.

He's just lurching from one disaster to the next.

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Original poster
Summereveningscents · 05/06/2015 20:49

It's not he's lazy, honestly. I know he might sound that way but it's kind of more like he thinks he's above certain stuff

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ilovesooty · 05/06/2015 20:50

If he was with the NHS and did funded study why is he not still in that job?

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 05/06/2015 20:50

Off to uni he can go so long as bills and rent are split 50:50. Time to spell it out !!

He can do an OU course and work FT.

Seriously, what are you going to do when he turns 40, finishes another qual (assuming he does) and then takes off on a post uni gap year.

Sorry but if you are even remotely interested in marriage and kids I would cut my losses unless he sorts himself out with anything within a week. There are plenty of crap dead end jobs around that he will doubtless feel he is too good for.

expatinscotland · 05/06/2015 20:50

He is workshy, Summer. He will always want to do another course. And if he can find a mug to pay for it, all the better. Don't be that mug. He will never change. Stop enabling this cocklodger.

Stealthpolarbear · 05/06/2015 20:50

If you don't live together does that mean you're funding him?
Where does he live and how does he pay bills

Balanced12 · 05/06/2015 20:51

No one is above paying there own way sorry.

ilovesooty · 05/06/2015 20:51

It sounds as though he thinks he's above actual paid employment.

VelvetRose · 05/06/2015 20:53

Mm mm..... Don't think I could be with someone who didn't see the importance of earning a living and paying your way. So it's ok for you to go to work but he can't cope with it or is above it?! Completely unfair.

Original poster
Summereveningscents · 05/06/2015 20:53

Sooty kind of but I think it is like he's waiting for the thing to come down and sort his life out. But it won't but he thinks it will.

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Original poster
Summereveningscents · 05/06/2015 20:54

He lives in his mum and dads, they passed away and he has the house.

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Shakey1500 · 05/06/2015 20:54

I'd say he's not very good at working.

Or college.

Or University.

HagOtheNorth · 05/06/2015 20:54

Sounds very familiar to me, me and my OH worked out a balance between his wishes and reality many years ago.
Do not slip into paying for him, shouldering any of his financial responsibilities or feeling that 'he's above a mundane job' and that you are nailing his butterfly wings to the wall by telling him he needs to get one.
He is unlikely to change much, mine did a little.
Don't pay for everything.
Decide if you can live with a butterfly as a partner, and if not, don't.

Stealthpolarbear · 05/06/2015 20:56

Do you pay the bills, buy his clothes and give him pocket money?

vindscreenviper · 05/06/2015 20:56

If you're not living together then what is he expecting you to fund op?
He's not wanting you to pay his fees is he?

Stealthpolarbear · 05/06/2015 20:59

I don't understand this. Surely if you live together you can get into the situation where one funds another, as DH and I have, both ways round. If you love apart do you not have separate lives a d finances? Are you lending him money?.
In his house, when the electric bill arrives, how is it anything to do with you?

Corygal · 05/06/2015 21:01

So he's living on inheritance. Mmm. Not much impetus for him to work then - he doesn't really need to support himself except for daily expenses. Lucky him.

But make sure it's not Unlucky you. Don't start paying for things. What do you find already?

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 05/06/2015 21:02

Why are you supporting him if you live apart and don't have children?

Serious question!

expatinscotland · 05/06/2015 21:02

'He lives in his mum and dads, they passed away and he has the house.'

Then he can sign on. Or is he above that, too? He sounds like a very expensive habit.

He expects his girlfriend to pay for yet another course and he's 37?! Most would find that really embarrassing. Shows you how entitled he is.

I don't understand why it's your responsibility to pay for him, he doesn't live with you and he is an adult.

ThreeQuartersEmpty · 05/06/2015 21:02

Why are you paying for everything if you don't live together?
He's taking you for a mug.

Original poster
Summereveningscents · 05/06/2015 21:03

We don't live together. He has one mo the salary from the job he just lost but after that wants to borrow money off me

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Original poster
Summereveningscents · 05/06/2015 21:03

I'm not paying for stuff - yet!

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