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AIBU?

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Original poster

SIL 1 wants more inheritance money

186 replies

inheritanceissues · 03/06/2015 21:05

Namechanged for this because of personal details etc

PILs have saved all their lives in order to give their 3 DCs (my DH and his older and younger sister) a good inheritance.

So a few years ago DH and I found out that we couldn't have children naturally and decided that we wanted to adopt but we were struggling with housing costs. So PILs asked us of we would like the inheritance early as we needed the money at that point so it would be better than waiting.

A year ago DHs younger sister (SIL2) was going through financial trouble after a divorce so PILs offered her share of the inheritance and she accepted.

DHs older sister (SIL1) decided that she wanted hers too because her siblings had gotten theirs early. She didn't really need the money her and her DH have a house and are well-off. PILs were reluctant but she persisted so they gave her the money.

They each had the same deal a third of the money PILs had saved and once it was gone there was no more money. If they managed to save anymore then they might have a bit when PILs die but it's unlikely as PIL are both retired now so aren't really able to save in the same way. They have savings for their grandchildren to be given when they die and the house they live in would also be split three ways for each of their DC.
They gave DH a very large sum of money and his sister's had the same amount.

So fast forward to last month and SIL1 goes to PILs and asks for more money and they say no sorry you have had your inheritance, we can borrow you a little bit but we can't afford to give you anything more. SIL1 was very angry about this and stormed out. PILs were very upset about it so told DH and SIL2 about it but asked them not to make fuss.

The next week SIL1 comes back again and apologizes for her behaviour says she was stressed with work and could PILs just forget it happened. They agree and everyone is happy.

Last week there was a big family party at the local hall for FILs birthday.
Halfway through SIL1 asks to speak to MIL outside. MIL comes back in a bit later in tears saying that SIL1 has told her that she wasn't her DCs inheritance from PILs as well and when MIL said no she told her that she would never see her grandchildren again. MIL was upset but didn't want us to say anything till the party was over.

Then SIL1 got drunk at the pub next door to the party venue and she starts saying that she needs money and PILs are being horrible to her. FIL got angry and asked her what on earth she has spent the original money on. She said fine she would go off and make a list. She left and we tried to brush it off as her being drunk.

The next day she came over to PILs house with her DH and 3 DCs while we were there with a list of what she had spent the money on saying that she had payed off a load of debts that we didn't know about. We were sympathetic but explained that there was just no money left. She started complaint and she went outside to talk to her DH whilst she was gone her older two DCs (18 and 20) told us that she was lying and they had all been told to lie as well or they would be thrown out.

SIL1 then returned and we asked her if she was being truthful, along conversation took place and, In the end her DH said no they weren't they were just trying to get more money and thought the story was a good idea as they thought that PILs were hiding money from them but it was becoming obvious to him that there was just no more money so he would rather come clean. He then wrote out a new list of what they had really spent it on including multiple holidays, New cars , New gadgets, spa days and various other luxury items.

SIL1 said that she was not going to apologise as she feels that she deserved more money than her siblings anyway and she wanted more money as there are things that she hadn't bought that she wishes she had and she wants more money to spent on her DCs education and she feels hard done by as she thought there would be more money to come.

She left saying she wouldn't forgive PILs for pretending that there was more money to come when there wasn't but PILs say that they never told her that there was more money.

So is SIL being unreasonable and what would you do now?

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 03/06/2015 21:08

Is she being unreasonable???

She should be shot at dawn!

Yambabe · 03/06/2015 21:10

If I was your PIL I would be seeing a solicitor straight away to cut her out of my will. House proceeds and and bits left in the bak would still be split 3 ways when I go but 1/3 to your DH, 1/3 to SIL2 and the final 1/3 straight to SIL1's DC, bypassing her entirely.

Greedy mare Angry

VodkaJelly · 03/06/2015 21:10

Cut her out, she sounds deranged.

3luckystars · 03/06/2015 21:11

She's a nutcase and I feel very sore for your parents inlaw. As judge Judy says "no good deed goes unpunished". Imagine being that kind to your children and that's the thanks you get. Your poor PIL.

Yambabe · 03/06/2015 21:11

*bank not bak!

Spellcheck · 03/06/2015 21:11

Carry on as normal, I reckon.

What a horrible effect money has on people.

(As an aside - you've saved a fortune on inheritance tax providing they survive another 8 years. What kind, generous in-laws you have, they deserve better!)

Skiptonlass · 03/06/2015 21:11

Honestly I wouldn't do anything other than thank the PILs for their incredibly generous gift and be thankful you have such nice pil.

They must be devastated about your sil's behaviour.

Nothing you can do, stay well out of it. Keep an olive branch out for her children, sounds like they are an unwilling party to all of this.

Chchchchangeabout · 03/06/2015 21:12

SILAB Horribly U

Onyxia · 03/06/2015 21:14

Of course she is BU! But you knew this anyway.
She sounds completely toxic. I would be keeping my distance.

Lolimax · 03/06/2015 21:14

Let me get this right....so a grown woman who is not in need who has already benefitted from her parents money has lied to get more money from the (non existent) bank of mum and dad? Omg I bet they're devastated if I've got that right!

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 03/06/2015 21:14

This will be one of those rare unanimous threads, I'll be bound.

SIBU, yes. Quite a fuckton of unreasonable.

Royalsighness · 03/06/2015 21:14

Shock can't believe what I just read

BabyMurloc · 03/06/2015 21:16

If I was your pil I would do as above. Will her 3rd to her dcs. You also all need to log whats been said in case she tries to contest their will later.

Beyond disgusting behaviour. Bet her DCs are disgusted as well.

clam · 03/06/2015 21:16

Are there really people in the world who behave like this? Shock

LaurieFairyCake · 03/06/2015 21:18

Mussolini was more reasonable.

I'm interested in how much money she thought was coming to her - she's had about 50k?

Her husband and kids must be so embarassed.

LaurieFairyCake · 03/06/2015 21:21

I would leave a third of my house to the Zoo - a giant plaque in her name on the Skunk cage.

For all eternity. Plaque polished every week. And a fucking letter to her telling her where it is for her to enjoy.

But I'm a Machiavellian bitch me Grin

Collaborate · 03/06/2015 21:22

Do real people actually behave like that? In real life?

Aermingers · 03/06/2015 21:23

She is behaving horribly especially to her children.

BUT

I suspect there is probably a big back story to this. It's extremely odd to give two of your children their inheritance up front but withhold it from a third. I suspect she probably thought that she would be told her inheritance was coming but when they died she would get nothing as there would either be nothing or it would go to other people. Regardless of the circumstances they shouldn't treat one child differently from the others and the fact they have makes me suspect that she feels like she has always been rejected by them in favour of her siblings. She may well not believe that there is no money left and instead think that there is, but that her parents are going to stiff her in favour of her siblings.

So yes, she is behaving badly, but I think her parents have behaved badly too, created an atmosphere of suspicion and hold some blame for the situation they have had a hand in creating.

eyebags63 · 03/06/2015 21:23

She sounds incredibly entitled and quite frankly fucking insane. Greedy bitch is being totally unreasonable obviously.

I feel so sorry for your PIL.

SlatternIsMyMiddleName · 03/06/2015 21:25

I'm still in Shock reading this.

I do wonder why SIL1 believes she is entitled to more money than her siblings. I can only presume it's because she is the eldest. I have seen this attitude before and, other than in farming circumstances, I just cannot comprehend it.

RebootYourEngine · 03/06/2015 21:25

SIBU. Why do people feel like they are entitled to their parents money. If my child started pressurising me for their 'inheritance' they would quickly find that inheritance suddenly no more.

CattyCatCat · 03/06/2015 21:26

Fucking hell, she sounds mental, as in there is something wrong with how her mind is processing and working at the moment. Dh did not really want to go along with her and came clean as did her children. I would guess she perhaps needs some help? Try to speak to her dh and see if everything is ok with her.

ColdCottage · 03/06/2015 21:29

I agree with Yambabe

kally195 · 03/06/2015 21:29

Aermingus - it wasn't given to two but withheld from a third. All three children had the same inheritance from the in-laws. Two had it because they had extenuating circumstances the inheritance could help with, and the SIL was given it when she asked (for no other reason than she wanted it). The SIL is annoyed as she wants more and there is none.

Cabrinha · 03/06/2015 21:31

Aermingers got there first.
Nobody is entitled to an inheritance, and her subsequent behaviour is appalling.
But really, giving to two and not the third?
Odd.

And imagine if they needed a care home. She'd have got nothing.

There's some kind of backstory I expect.

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