Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

SIL 1 wants more inheritance money

186 replies

inheritanceissues · 03/06/2015 21:05

Namechanged for this because of personal details etc

PILs have saved all their lives in order to give their 3 DCs (my DH and his older and younger sister) a good inheritance.

So a few years ago DH and I found out that we couldn't have children naturally and decided that we wanted to adopt but we were struggling with housing costs. So PILs asked us of we would like the inheritance early as we needed the money at that point so it would be better than waiting.

A year ago DHs younger sister (SIL2) was going through financial trouble after a divorce so PILs offered her share of the inheritance and she accepted.

DHs older sister (SIL1) decided that she wanted hers too because her siblings had gotten theirs early. She didn't really need the money her and her DH have a house and are well-off. PILs were reluctant but she persisted so they gave her the money.

They each had the same deal a third of the money PILs had saved and once it was gone there was no more money. If they managed to save anymore then they might have a bit when PILs die but it's unlikely as PIL are both retired now so aren't really able to save in the same way. They have savings for their grandchildren to be given when they die and the house they live in would also be split three ways for each of their DC.
They gave DH a very large sum of money and his sister's had the same amount.

So fast forward to last month and SIL1 goes to PILs and asks for more money and they say no sorry you have had your inheritance, we can borrow you a little bit but we can't afford to give you anything more. SIL1 was very angry about this and stormed out. PILs were very upset about it so told DH and SIL2 about it but asked them not to make fuss.

The next week SIL1 comes back again and apologizes for her behaviour says she was stressed with work and could PILs just forget it happened. They agree and everyone is happy.

Last week there was a big family party at the local hall for FILs birthday.
Halfway through SIL1 asks to speak to MIL outside. MIL comes back in a bit later in tears saying that SIL1 has told her that she wasn't her DCs inheritance from PILs as well and when MIL said no she told her that she would never see her grandchildren again. MIL was upset but didn't want us to say anything till the party was over.

Then SIL1 got drunk at the pub next door to the party venue and she starts saying that she needs money and PILs are being horrible to her. FIL got angry and asked her what on earth she has spent the original money on. She said fine she would go off and make a list. She left and we tried to brush it off as her being drunk.

The next day she came over to PILs house with her DH and 3 DCs while we were there with a list of what she had spent the money on saying that she had payed off a load of debts that we didn't know about. We were sympathetic but explained that there was just no money left. She started complaint and she went outside to talk to her DH whilst she was gone her older two DCs (18 and 20) told us that she was lying and they had all been told to lie as well or they would be thrown out.

SIL1 then returned and we asked her if she was being truthful, along conversation took place and, In the end her DH said no they weren't they were just trying to get more money and thought the story was a good idea as they thought that PILs were hiding money from them but it was becoming obvious to him that there was just no more money so he would rather come clean. He then wrote out a new list of what they had really spent it on including multiple holidays, New cars , New gadgets, spa days and various other luxury items.

SIL1 said that she was not going to apologise as she feels that she deserved more money than her siblings anyway and she wanted more money as there are things that she hadn't bought that she wishes she had and she wants more money to spent on her DCs education and she feels hard done by as she thought there would be more money to come.

She left saying she wouldn't forgive PILs for pretending that there was more money to come when there wasn't but PILs say that they never told her that there was more money.

So is SIL being unreasonable and what would you do now?

OP posts:

prorsum · 03/06/2015 21:31

She's IBU. Tell your PIL to rewrite will and cut her out of everything. She's the type who will converge on the house once PIL are deceased and create even more upset and havoc.

Original poster

inheritanceissues · 03/06/2015 21:34

Her inheritance wasn't withheld from her.
It was just that with my DH and with SIL2 it was PILs who suggested giving the inheritance early because we needed the money at that time.

Then SIL1 asked for hers and PILs told her to think about it first because she didn't need the money, they even showed her the bank statements and contacts and the will to reassure her that she would get the same amount of money but she insisted that she wanted it so they gave it to her.

OP posts:

PrimalLass · 03/06/2015 21:34

They each had the same deal a third of the money PILs had saved

Aermingus and Cabrinha.

eyebags63 · 03/06/2015 21:34

She's the type who will converge on the house once PIL are deceased and create even more upset and havoc.

^This. The type to steal jewelry off the corpse no doubt.

amicissimma · 03/06/2015 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aermingers · 03/06/2015 21:37

No, I'm sorry, I don't care what the extenuating circumstances are. You treat all children the same. You don't give two a massive amount of money and tell the third that they will have to wait until they die with no guarantee it will be honoured.

I say this as the child in my family who has had money advanced to me because of extenuating circumstances (fertility treatment). My brother doesn't need the money but he has had every penny I've had for my extenuating circumstances matched so that we are treated fairly and don't get the same.

Incidentally there is absolutely no guarantee that they didn't intend to do this and she was absolutely right.

ImperialBlether · 03/06/2015 21:39

OP, how old are your ILs? They do sound lovely but I hope they've left themselves enough money for their own future. There are all sorts of costs they could incur, like a new roof or a new kitchen etc - would they have the money for that?

eyebags63 · 03/06/2015 21:40

Aermingers
She isn't actually entitled to anything though. The parents would be perfectly within their right to withhold money from one sibling, however cruel that may be.

Aermingers · 03/06/2015 21:42

^^amicissima, that is sort of what ai mean too.

If the PILS had needed a nursing home and spend S1s share of the inheritance on that so there was nothing left when they died I doubt OPs DH or the other sibling would be queuing up to give her a third of their share. They would be smugly sitting on their inheritance whilst she got nothing.

I think SIL may very well have thought that this was a sneaky way of dis inheriting her and she may well have been right.

Viviennemary · 03/06/2015 21:43

You all sound a bit grabby tbh. Wanting inheritance before somebody has died is pretty bad IMHO.

Mrscog · 03/06/2015 21:43

Aermingers are you actually reading the thread?!

fiveacres · 03/06/2015 21:43

If they did that, she'd be entitled to storm out and tell them they weren't seeing their grandchildren again! My paternal grandparents did that to my dad - still don't know why.

AldiQ7 · 03/06/2015 21:44

Is this for real?

If so, the your SIL is the very definition of 'atrocious cunt'. She got her cash, she needs to do one.

Mrscog · 03/06/2015 21:44

I don't think they sounds grabby Viviennemary they were offered the money due to hard times, they didn't ask for it.

clam · 03/06/2015 21:46

Aermingers RTFT! It's been explained several times to you that the SIL did get the money. It wasn't withheld.

Aermingers · 03/06/2015 21:47

She may not have a legal right. A moral one is a different matter eyebags. Remember you are saying this with the benefit of hindsight as you know what she has now done, but when the parents doled out the money it hadn't happened yet. So as far as we know she had done nothing to deserve it at the time.

It sounds to me like a woman who felt her parents were trying to cheat her trying to engineer a situation where that can't happen.

DinosaursRoar · 03/06/2015 21:47

It does sound like she thought she was being left out, that her brother and sister had got their inheritance early, but her's would come out of what was left after their death (and as others have said, care home fees could have wiped that out), it could also be that she didn't believe she did get the same as the others (did you appear to get more from it? eg. A house that by the time she got hers was no longer achievable with the same sum of money given house price rises etc?)

It also could be she thought siblings were getting more on top of the 'big' handout, or more help - or that you got it at a point you were in need - starting a family, but if her DCs are 18 and 20, did your PIL just watch her and her DH struggle when she had a young family and didn't offer when she needed it?

But other than that, I can see why she'd feel so agreived.

Keep away as much as possible. But talk frankly with DH, does SIL1 have any reason to feel hard done by? The fact that she didn't get offered money earlier is interesting.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 03/06/2015 21:47

They gave ALL the children the same amount of money. One of them came back demanding more money even though there wasnt' any.
Are you actually suggesting the SIL ISN'T being unreasonable?

Cabrinha · 03/06/2015 21:51

I did RTFT.
I'm aware that SIL also got the money.
But OP said PIL were reluctant and she had to persist.

I already said none of them have the right to any money.

I have a sibling who is less well off and has been given money - not from a 'share' of inheritance, just as a gift. No issue at all.

But if I had 2 sibs and both were given a share, and I had to persist... well, I still think there's a backstory here.

Not that the PIL are wrong, but that it's an odd situation to give to 2 out of 3.

Catsatonic · 03/06/2015 21:52

Actually Aermingers it can depend on circumstances.

My DSis has had a lot more financial help from our parents over the years than I have, because she's needed it and I haven't. I have never resented this, nor have I expected to receive the same amount purely out of 'fairness'. If my parents had tried to be equal with us then they would have run out of money!

By your reasoning, when they die they should will their house to both of us so that we get an equal amount, but that would then leave me much better off financially than my DSis. I'm not prepared to see her suffer for the sake of 'fairness'. I would rather she gets a larger share than me, so that we can be in similar financial circumstances.

Aermingers · 03/06/2015 21:52

I have RTFT, have you? The OP very clearly says that her parents willingly handed over money to her DH and the other sibling but refused to hand it over to the other sibling wanting her to wait until they died. It was only because she pestered and badgered them that they eventually 'reluctantly' handed over the same to her.

So SIL probably feels like she is really having to battle just to get the same treatment her siblings get. Not fair.

How do you think that would feel? If your parents dole large sums of money out to your siblings willingly but have to be 'reluctantly' persuaded just to treat you the same? No wonder she's a fuck up if she's been treated like that all her life.

sonjadog · 03/06/2015 21:52

I think she doesn't sound well. Does she drink a lot or was the getting drunk a one off?

Obviously, don't give her money and refuse to get involved in any of her drama. But apart from that, I would thread carefully in case there is something going on there with her healthwise.

Northernlurker · 03/06/2015 21:53

SIL is very obviously being unreasonable. In terms of what you (and dh and sil2) should do though - I would say do NOTHING. This isn't your problem to solve or engage in and doing so will only bring all of you much heartache and misery. Let pil do as they wish. I suspect they will make no changes to their will but they would imo be perfectly justified in excluding sil1 in favour of her dc, if for no other reason than the way sil1 gets through cash her dc will be left potless ultimately. However that's for pil to make their minds up about. In the natural course of events sadly one day your dh will be left with no parents and only his sisters as family who've known him all his life. It would be a sad, sad state of affairs if relations between the siblings were fatally damaged and engaging in who gets what of an inheritance is a sure way to do that. Keep out of it, encourage dh to preserve what relationship he can with sil1 (even though she's a grasping witch) and rise above it. In the end that's the way with the best chance of peace of mind and happiness for all of you including pil.

youareallbonkers · 03/06/2015 21:54

it is nothing to do with you, it is between your in laws and her. it's their money

crazyhead · 03/06/2015 21:56

I'd say it was problematic even considering giving two kids money and not the third at the same time (though PIL obviously DID end up giving your SIL money) because with inflation, money is worth much more now, and because a sense of 'unfairness' is often so entrenched in siblings. I'd guess that this may have sparked some of SIL's feelings.

Having said that, what a dreadful reaction. If she felt she was being left out she should have expressed herself at the time!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8