Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let dd have her hair cut?

248 replies

Edenviolet · 31/05/2015 21:35

Dd1 (13) wants her hair cut very short. We have said no for the following reasons:

  1. She will not be able to manage/style it and needs her hair at a length where it can be tied up if necessary
  2. Her behaviour recently has not been good and she gets very angry when we say no to her

Dd maintains it is her choice and her hair and at 13 should be allowed to cut it however she wants. She struggles to get up everyday and wouldn't be able to style it and as she's sensitive about how she looks it would end up with her refusing to go to school if it doesn't 'look right'
She is furious with us.

OP posts:
TwinkieTwinkle · 31/05/2015 21:36

She's 13. I think YABU.

EatShitDerek · 31/05/2015 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

formerbabe · 31/05/2015 21:37

Yabvvvu!
Take her to a salon and discuss a manageable style she likes with a hairdresser.

Eigg · 31/05/2015 21:37

Well, you know your daughter best but I would agree that at 13 it is largely her choice, assuming that the new style would be within the school rules (ie not a blue Mohawk!)

Why do you think she's not be able to style it - surely styling shirt hair isn't that hard?

MakeItRain · 31/05/2015 21:38

Wouldn't it be loads easier to manage short? I would say at her age it's up to her how she wants her hair really.

morelikeguidelines · 31/05/2015 21:38

Yabu

I would have thought short hair would be easy to style as long as it is something sensible.

cardibach · 31/05/2015 21:38

Not sure how 'very short' hair could be a problem to style...

dementedpixie · 31/05/2015 21:38

You could compromise on a shorter bob and then if that works out ok she can always go shorter. It is only hair and it will grow back

completelydisappear · 31/05/2015 21:39

I think its her choice tbh.

A lot of my friends have short hair that at most just needs straightening.

Ratbagcatbag · 31/05/2015 21:39

You are totally and utterly being unreasonable.

I had to have long hair, as my parents believed the same as yours. At 16 I had it all cut off and it's been in a pixie type crop ever since. It takes minutes to style, far shorter time than long hair ever did.

Unless she's planning on having it shaved off all over then you should let her do it. Just be mindful it will need regular (6-8 weekly) visits to the hairdressers to maintain.

I still dislike my mum for her attitude to my hair.

TwinkieTwinkle · 31/05/2015 21:39

Posted too soon. 'Refusing to go to school if she doesn't look right' is the real issue here.

hazeyjane · 31/05/2015 21:39

She should be able to choose . My dd2 chose to have her hair cut short when she was 7!

cardibach · 31/05/2015 21:39

Also I'm a bit confused by the needing to tie it up comment - if it's very short, surely she won't?

sooperdooper · 31/05/2015 21:40

Yabu, short hair is easier to style, how does she want it cut? 13 is old enough for her to decide

gobbin · 31/05/2015 21:40

Yea, you are being VERY unreasonable.
I would imagine probably 99.5% of girls in her school year are allowed to have a say in what happens to their hair - the 0.5% being your DD.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 31/05/2015 21:40

Really Twinkie ? I just feel that she can't keep stamping her feet to get her way.
I offered a compromise of shorter but still just long enough to tie back and she lost her temper. The reality is she struggles everyday to get up and ready due to health problems and if she even has a spot she refuses to go in so having to do her hair everyday (it looks like quite a high maintenance style she wants) will be too much.
As I mentioned in op her behaviour lately has not been good either at all but she's saying its against her rights for me to insist she has long hair??!

OP posts:
latebreakfast · 31/05/2015 21:41

yabu. Is this a reverse?

chickenfuckingpox · 31/05/2015 21:41

my dd had long curly hair at age nine she could not manage her hair independently so i cut it into a bob she could manage that fine it was short and non fussy

is what she wants short and non fussy? (clutching at straws here)

Theycallmemellowjello · 31/05/2015 21:41

I don't see why short hair is harder to style. And if you're worried she may not go to school because she's not happy with her hair clearly there are issues beyond hair length st play.

JessiePinkman · 31/05/2015 21:42

Every.single teen girl has long hair (round these parts anyway) let her be different

shakemysilliesout · 31/05/2015 21:42

I wouldn't have consulted you if I were her. Yabu. I don't think you get a vote in a hair cut.

chickenfuckingpox · 31/05/2015 21:42

you need to compromise on a short but non complicated style tying hair up constantly is a pita

formerbabe · 31/05/2015 21:43

I think her behaviour is a separate issue.

I have also known lots of parents who insist on their dds having long hair. I find it extremely weird and a tad "she's my pwincess" !

BertPuttocks · 31/05/2015 21:43

If you are linking her hairstyle to her behaviour then you are in danger of giving the message that having long hair is a punishment.

A 13yr-old should be able to choose their own hairstyle, as long as it fits the school's uniform code.

YABU

flora717 · 31/05/2015 21:43

I think it would be very controling to insist on the length / style of a 13 year olds hair. Problems with behaviour can stem from not having a great deal of control/ personal independence and responsibility.
The post goes very much to worst case scenario - she wont go to school if her hair is short. I realise this seems obvious to you, but it looks like micro managing. If she wants her hair like x she'll need to manage that AND get to school. This is achieveable for a 13 year old.