MIL interfering with special diet for my son

[auntynan]

Hey y'all

Am I Being unreasonable about the following:

My wee boy is 2 years and 2 months and has no words yet. He is being assessed by a paediatrician and I like to try and get him all the help i can and research things and do as much for him as is humanly possible but this post isn't about that. It's about my partners mother...

I thought I would try him on a gluten free casein free diet for a while just to see how it goes and if it affects his behaviour and concentration, possibly his speech. I am well aware it may not, but i know people whose kids it has worked for.

Anyway I made his food up specially for my MIL and gave her gluten free shortbread for him and asked if she could give me the space to try this out with DC and she agreed before she took him away (she has him when i am working some days).

Anyway I came home to my (already sceptical and with his head usually buried in the sand) partner who had tears in his eyes saying that his mum had given him a packet of 'teddy spongecakes' as 'she had been told by me she wasn't allowed to give them to my son' and 'could he use them up'.

Is it just me or is she shit-stirring? I feel so angry I can't even begin. this is not the first time she has caused conflict between me and my partner (other time was when she insisted my SIL had my 7 MONTH OLD overnight despite me crying myself to sleep alone -I know this was weak of me and i have since refused this happening again but at the time i felt afraid to stand up to my partner about it).

Anyway, i just need to know I'm not being OTT. This is about my sons health NOT her being all wounded because she cant give him the shitty snacks she wanted to.

GOD I AM ANGRY. I could F*ING slap her stupid face.

Rant over. ;)

Yes, it is absolutely fascinating. I never did full GAPS either. We did do full Gfcf (so no gluten, casein, sweeteners, flavourings/colourings/preservatives, even 'natural' ones, and no MSG. I'm sure I've missed a couple of things, but it was years ago now)

It took dd1's gut a long while to heal. We changed her diet when she was 2, and it wasn't until she was 8 that she had good gut health. But it was worth it. It enabled her to do so much.

I regret not doing it with DD. Although she has never had gut issues so maybe it wouldn't have helped.

Fanjo, life is too short for regrets

We do what we can, when we can. I read up about Gfcf (on here!) many years ago, and dd1 ticked so many boxes it was worth a go. And it helped her. But I know families who have tried and seen no effect, and families who have not seen enough effect for it to be worth while.

But, no regrets. Don't beat yourself up over it. There is much I haven't done with dd1, and probably lots more I have done wrong or not well enough. But we are all only human, and living our lives the best way we can.

Hey again everyone

I came home tonight to a funny atmosphere. I was smiling at a post on Mumsnet about a woman who found her partner masturbating to Paul Hollywood making bread and I told him because I thought it was funny. He then said this; 'I think that was the most depressing phase I ever saw you go through when you were making bread and watching Paul Hollywood'.

It's little things like that. Then he started screaming at me saying 'I just fucking hate you' because I was outraged at a homeless guy getting shot by the police on C4 news and I felt mad at the person who phoned the police on him. All I got was 'are you f-ing stupid? They didn't know they would shoot him?' I get that I just felt angry about the whole thing. Anyway it led us to a big fight once DS was in bed and he told me he was sleeping in the spare room tonight as he is not sure he wants to be with me and he thinks I will never change to be someone he is happy with. As much as I try I am never tidy/well dressed/organised/cool enough. He was also saying he is tired of my 'schemes' and 'pseudo-science' in trying to get DS help and 'where will it all end?' I'm just so tired in my brain...

So it looks like this is really the end of the road this time. I'm sort of relieved and heartbroken at the same time. ?

Re the diet - I didn't realise about all the preservative / additives stuff. I may just stick to gf first then go cf and then think about all the other stuff.

Anyway thanks so much again everyone you helped me feel much stronger.

Hugs

N x

By the way, I didnt tell him I saw it on Mumsnet obviously, just 'a post I saw somehwere'

Auntynan has he always been like this?

Violence is always wrong but some men don't deal with diagnosis process very well.

You've written your son's name again. I'll report your post

Anyway it led us to a big fight once DS was in bed and he told me he was sleeping in the spare room tonight as he is not sure he wants to be with me and he thinks I will never change to be someone he is happy with.

Take this chance! grab it with both hands - it was the way out I got. I don't have much confidence in thinking I would have left him myself..

He needs to leave you and your son. he needs to go and live with mummy, and help her eat her vile teddy cakes.

Get this man out of your lives at all costs - he is not your DP/DH/Dear Anything, he is the enemy. He is your ABUSER.

He will hit your son too. Eventually.

Aaaaargh Glogirl - sorry about that! You'd think I would learn. :(

Fanjo - he has always had an element of it but it got worse straight after DS was born. He told me I was a shit mother all the time because after the c section I was a bit useless and he took over (which was kind of him) but I let him take over with things for too long IYKWIM.

I was a bit down at the time, we moved nearer our families and he told them all I wasn't coping. I didn't feel like that at the time I just felt a bit tired and low but I must have een worse than I thought.

But the aggression has been pretty constant.

Having said that though it is like living with an enemy now - I can 'feel' him seething at me 24/7. Its like I have no feelings at all now like I am just a cushion to be kicked. He would get angry before then be all sorry afterwards. Now he just gets angry and then angrier if I cry or get angry back (which I don't do any more as I feel numb).

He's a different person to the one I fell in love with as I obviously am for him.

Hissy - that's my worst fear and the reason I know this has to end. :(

you have to be utterly single minded here - the ONLY thing in life that you want is HIM OUT OF YOURS!

I spent 10 years with a man LESS violent than yours, and him leaving was the best thing he ever did for me. AND MY SON!

My son is 10 now, but was 5 when he left. he KNEW why Daddy was leaving - he told me in fact 'was it because he shouted too much mummy?' Your child knows what is happening, they know before they are BORN.

Get this man gone and I am willing to bet your son grows, develops and blooms.

Mine did - in 3 days after his dad left... the positivity of removing noxious and poisonous presence from your life really IS that swift.

He's a vile bully. The way he speaks to you is not the way loving spouses interact. His words are utterly unacceptable. And that is leaving aside the physical violence. BTW, he wasn't "kind" to look after his son when you were recovering from a C-section. He was being a father.

And now he's "not sure he wants to be with you"? Although it must hurt to hear him say this, it is actually a gift to you. It is long past time for this relationship to be over. Take him up on his offer to leave and cross your fingers that he will actually do so. Unfortunately, he will probably backtrack and change his mind. But please do what you need to do to end this terrible relationship.

I'm thinking of you and your little boy.

The mindf**k is that he intersperses real kindness in so that 60% of the time its good and 40% not.

Last year I was pregnant again (my little one was only 11 months at the time) and he told me he was going to leave if I didn't get an abortion.

In the end I lost the baby (we only ever have a 1 in 3 chance of keeping a baby due to a genetic thing he has) and when I was miscarrying I remember us arguing while I was haemorrhaging badly (I lost 2 litres) before I went in for the D & C. He was swearing at me because I was begging them for a spinal because I am terrified of general anaesthetic (I know its dumb but I am). he was livid with me. I find I am lying to him about tiny things just to avoid him losing it with me again.

Taking a step back I can see how f_ed up it has all become. I honestly feel like I hate him. :(

Hissy I hope so much that it does affect DS well.

Seatoshining - He just always acts (and when shouting sometimes says) that I ruined his life but when I say to leave he will eventually come back saying 'look I'm not going anywhere but things need to change....'

FING C Sorry I just feel mad.

N x

The mindfk is that he intersperses real kindness in so that 60% of the time its good and 40% not.

I can't claim any credit for this, but it's something I've read on here which has been helpful to lots of people. Imagine he makes you a lovely cup of coffee. Now imagine he makes you a coffee with 60% coffee and 40% poo. Would you drink it?

No? So 40% poo in your coffee is unacceptable. So how much is acceptable? 10%? 5%?

No - there is no acceptable amount of poo in your coffee. There is no acceptable level of abuse in a relationship. No amount of niceness makes up for the shit.

I am sometimes feel people are too quick to say LTB on here but in this case I agree.

The investigation process for additional needs is very hard indeed and if he is like this already he would become even worse and make it even harder for you. He doesn't sound like he can deal with any stress at all.

I'm glad you are feeling anger. You should be angry at this horrible man. Use that anger. Let it give you the energy and strength you need to end things.

I'm not at all surprised that he threatens to leave, then backs off. He wants the relationship to continue. He is replaying his parents' abusive marriage and to him, this is how a marriage should be. Don't allow yourself to be caught up in his dysfunctional family dynamics. You know that this is not the life you want for yourself and your little boy.

You're allowed to swear freely on Mumsnet, btw :)

From past record, he'll probably go back to the "OK, we won't split up, blah blahblah" script and this is your opportunity to say "actually, we should split up, because our relationship is not a healthy one and never can be".

One thing you do need to do is make sure you have everything that's important to you in a safe place, btw, and have your phone always charged and on your person and your keys in your pocket, in case he escalates the aggression when he realises he's not calling the shots, this time and you need to get away fast.

Apart from the fact that violence and verbal abuse is a deal breaker anyway..

OP, you said that you asked your GP whether him hitting you could have caused the miscarriage. Your GP should have noted that, which will help your case if you do have to fight for residency.

OP if you can't get through to women's aid please look on your local councils webpage under domestic violence for a local organisation that will help you end the relationship safely, this may be a lot quicker and more personal than women's aid. If you are worried about doing that on a search engine and you partner seeing it, pm me and I will find a number for you.

Has anyone heard of the GAP diet for autistic kids? Also does fish oil help any advice for a 4 year old autistic boy. Thank you for your advice much appreciated.

Naz786 This is a very old thread. You would be better starting a new thread about your particular query.

Anyway I came home to my ...... partner who had tears in his eyes

Dear God above. WTF is wrong with people?

OP - lets cut to the chase here. Parents like to try everything. But some artisan faddy diet WILL NOT make your child speak.

People require gluten in their diet - actually I really cant be bothered to link to a thousand medical studies that you could research for yourself, but have over looked.

SMH

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