MIL interfering with special diet for my son

[auntynan]

Hey y'all

Am I Being unreasonable about the following:

My wee boy is 2 years and 2 months and has no words yet. He is being assessed by a paediatrician and I like to try and get him all the help i can and research things and do as much for him as is humanly possible but this post isn't about that. It's about my partners mother...

I thought I would try him on a gluten free casein free diet for a while just to see how it goes and if it affects his behaviour and concentration, possibly his speech. I am well aware it may not, but i know people whose kids it has worked for.

Anyway I made his food up specially for my MIL and gave her gluten free shortbread for him and asked if she could give me the space to try this out with DC and she agreed before she took him away (she has him when i am working some days).

Anyway I came home to my (already sceptical and with his head usually buried in the sand) partner who had tears in his eyes saying that his mum had given him a packet of 'teddy spongecakes' as 'she had been told by me she wasn't allowed to give them to my son' and 'could he use them up'.

Is it just me or is she shit-stirring? I feel so angry I can't even begin. this is not the first time she has caused conflict between me and my partner (other time was when she insisted my SIL had my 7 MONTH OLD overnight despite me crying myself to sleep alone -I know this was weak of me and i have since refused this happening again but at the time i felt afraid to stand up to my partner about it).

Anyway, i just need to know I'm not being OTT. This is about my sons health NOT her being all wounded because she cant give him the shitty snacks she wanted to.

GOD I AM ANGRY. I could F*ING slap her stupid face.

Rant over. ;)

You want to be told you're not being OTT but you clearly are.

Your MIL couldn't use the biscuits following your request not to give them to your DS so rather than throw them in the bin she gave them to her own son. What's your problem?

What's your problem, that is, apart from that you oobviously don't like your MIL anyway and are talking of being violent to her "stupid face".

YABU and need to pay for childcare. You're taking advantage of her by using her for childcare and then looking for nonsensical reasons to be abusive about her.

aunty if that's the case, and if you had said that in your OP, you must know you would have got very different replies.

In your case, call Women's Aid, get different childcare for your son and get on the Relationships Board where there are tons of people who will give you all the support you need.

I get that you're upset but your MIL did nothing wrong here. Why was your partner almost crying? And him giving you abuse is extremely over the top and he's your problem, not your MIL
It sounds like you have very big issues in your relationship and are trying to blame it on his mother. Maybe you should post on the relationship board? There are some very understanding and experienced posters there.
I am sorry you're having such a hard time but no need to get nasty with people here because they disagree with you.

so your husband didn't know about the special diet but now does cos of your MIL?

Your problem seems to be a great deal bigger than Spongecakegate. However, I'd certainly start by consulting a doctor before suddenly introducing a gluten-free diet on the basis that it'll help with any possible speech delay.

If you have to deal with interfering and controlling people then having the back-up of a medical professional helps for starters. Right now they probably see your decision to feed your ds a restrictive diet as yet another excuse to have a go at you.

Also, you don't have to stay in any relationship. Especially one that makes you feel suicidal.

If someone (your partner?) is physically hurting you and giving you a night of abuse then you have bigger problems than these biscuits.

Is your partner against the new diet? Did you not tell him about it?

I agree with the others, it might be a good idea to get some proper medical advice before cutting out all sorts of foods. You could also see the GP about the speech problem. Perhaps have your son's hearing checked?

OK, I started typing and then came back to post after you'd followed up with more info. I was unaware. My apologies OP.

Who is being abusive to you? Your partner or his mother?

Stop the go and fuck yourselves and the drip feeding and talk it out. I'm sure there's plenty of good advice to be had here.

There is nothing extreme about a gluten and dairy free diet. I have experienced huge improvements in my sons speech and behaviour using gfcf.

Some of the posts on here are thick and nasty.

Op. Having a child with SN does often feel like we are endlessly under attack. It can be overwhelming. I would strongly suggest you don't post about speech delay issues on the main board. Lots of people have literally no idea.

Try not to fall out with your MIL.
The only issue is to make sure she is not giving any foods you want to avoid. I would let everything else go just now.

And I'm not being nasty on here because people disagree with me I think they are posting very nasty passive aggressive comments to make themselves look funny or clever.

Thanks Pagwatch :) xx

All I know is I don't feel like I should be battling my MIL about something that is not in any way bad (yes I have been to see a dietician) for my son but could help him immeasurably.

My partner does nothing but fight me about everything. I got thumped last time because I screamed at a spider. I cant get out because he will take my child away from me. He will - he's a respectable 'liked by all' social worker. I have had depression really badly and been to the doctors tonnes for different medications lately who they going to believe?

My point is she is a shit stirring woman and I feel utterly alone in the world.

Some of these replies are just vicious. I would be interested to see how you reacted if you were facing what I am facing. Some of you are not nice people

People replied to what you originally posted. There was no mention of abuse or physical violence. No one was vicious.
Don't blame people for not knowing the situation that you did not bother to explain.
Your original post came across as a ridiculous thing to complain about - THAT is your fault, not ours.

There is nothing extreme about a gluten and dairy free diet

Quite right. It's not like the OP has cut out major food groups. She is just ensuring her DS gets his essential nutrients from items other than wheat and cows milk. Which takes a little forethought and planning, but is certainly do-able.

You are in an abusive relationship.
You need some support.
Please post about all of this over on the relationship board.
There are some wonderful people over there who will be happy to help you get away from any kind of abuse. Many have been right where you are now.
You should NOT be there. You are NOT trapped.
There is always a way out.
Let the lovely women here help you. But NOT in AIBU.
I promise you'll get some great advice, help and support over there.
Please reach out. You need an escape plan.

I just want my little boy to be ok. My heart is breaking because his future is so uncertain and im having to fight that f-ing woman about biscuits.

Which posts are "thick and nasty"?

From the OP's OP it DID look as if she was having an extreme reaction to a minor incident. Now she has revealed that she is in what sounds like an abusive relationship, which of course changes everything. NOW her partner's crocodile tears make sense, but I was baffled by why he would apparently be so upset by some sponge teddies.

I don't see how your mil did anything wrong at all. She clearly bought something especially for your son, you told her he could not eat it so she gave it to your partner so it did not go to waste.

Sounds as if you are being too sensitive

Christ, OP

Please post on the relationship board. Someone will be able to offer advice.

OP it's possible that you little boy isn't speaking because he's growing up in an atmosphere of fear. Neither you or him should be facing daily screaming and violence. Please contact Women's Aid on 0808 2000 247.

Auntynan

You don't have to fight her as long as she isn't feeding them to your child.
Have you tried the SN board on here.? It's much more supportive.
My son had virtually no language before he was four but he speaks quite well. He also has asd

auntynan, please do as others have mentioned and post on the Relationships board about the real issue here; your partner's behaviour towards you. They are a brilliant bunch over there who give good advice.

just saw your update, are you mad because now your mil may have accidently got you Into another argument with your oh?

Because I honestly do not see how your mil is doing something on purpose but I can see why you took it that way with a difficult situation.

How about your family, could they support you more?

Your MIL isn't the problem. It's your DP whose not on board with your methods.

I reiterate - contact Women's Aid.

And "Gottaget*, people don't usually post about nothing. It was fairly easy to read between the lines that the OP's H was either being manipulated by his mother, or overreacting, for some other reason (stress, maybe).

Some posters, particularly in AIBU, like to get in their two bobs worth and jeer at the OP. It can really be horrible to see.

From the OP it was clear she was very worried about her DS. Where was the empathy, form many posters?

Thanks Goodarvo

His hearing has been checked and he has a neurology apt next week. They haven't referred him for any SALT or Oc therapy yet they say that wont happen until he is 3 so im working as much as I can to get the money for private. they think he is possibly having seizures or absences - I thought he had just been daydreaming.

I know I need to get out I just don't have the courage to do it yet. I'm scared of handling all this alone. He doesn't hurt our son, but I know its not good for our son to see what he has been seeing;. so I know the responsibility is with me.

His mother is so petty and loves looking 'wronged' also I don't 'use' her for childcare as some have SO KINDLY IMPLIED. I wouldn't put him to her if it was down to me but I do it to make my partner happy.

Thanks for the recommendations

It's a minefield, when you know that you are dealing with something with your child and are trying to do things that might possibly help make life a little easier. It takes a long time to reach that rhino hide stage when that something possibly has a name, you have some strategies and have learnt who, out of the various people around you, can be relied on and who is determined to undermine you every step of the way.

Did your MIL give your DH a particularly hard time about her not being able to feed him her choice of treats, aunty? Is theirs a difficult relationship, at all?

Thanks Sanityclause for being so kind.