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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL interfering with special diet for my son

216 replies

auntynan · 14/05/2015 13:32

Hey y'all

Am I Being unreasonable about the following:

My wee boy is 2 years and 2 months and has no words yet. He is being assessed by a paediatrician and I like to try and get him all the help i can and research things and do as much for him as is humanly possible but this post isn't about that. It's about my partners mother...

I thought I would try him on a gluten free casein free diet for a while just to see how it goes and if it affects his behaviour and concentration, possibly his speech. I am well aware it may not, but i know people whose kids it has worked for.

Anyway I made his food up specially for my MIL and gave her gluten free shortbread for him and asked if she could give me the space to try this out with DC and she agreed before she took him away (she has him when i am working some days).

Anyway I came home to my (already sceptical and with his head usually buried in the sand) partner who had tears in his eyes saying that his mum had given him a packet of 'teddy spongecakes' as 'she had been told by me she wasn't allowed to give them to my son' and 'could he use them up'.

Is it just me or is she shit-stirring? I feel so angry I can't even begin. this is not the first time she has caused conflict between me and my partner (other time was when she insisted my SIL had my 7 MONTH OLD overnight despite me crying myself to sleep alone -I know this was weak of me and i have since refused this happening again but at the time i felt afraid to stand up to my partner about it).

Anyway, i just need to know I'm not being OTT. This is about my sons health NOT her being all wounded because she cant give him the shitty snacks she wanted to.

GOD I AM ANGRY. I could F*ING slap her stupid face.

Rant over. ;)

OP posts:
OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 14/05/2015 13:49

I'd understand your anger if she'd actually given them to him. My DD has multiple allergies so I know the sense of powerlessness you feel when you hand them over to someone, who may not take their diet as seriously as they should/you do.

I think maybe you're overreacting a bit though, in this instance.

HubertCumberdale · 14/05/2015 13:49

If you're going to be mad at anyone' it should be your DP.

His reaction should have been 'yes Mum, we're trying out a new diet. Thanks for these, I'll eat them later with a cuppa!'

He then should have been please that his mum is so nice and complient, and he got some free cake. Instead he had tears in his eyes? WTF?

tabulahrasa · 14/05/2015 13:50

I think your MIL did what you asked and didn't want to waste food... Your DP's reaction is the issue.

Shinyshoes2 · 14/05/2015 13:51

Your partner cried because his mother gave him some teddy snacks Hmm
Your MIL done what you asked her and that was not give your child crap?
You want to slap her ?
Am I missing something ?

AuntyMag10 · 14/05/2015 13:52

You and your dp sound a bit of hard work.

tbtc · 14/05/2015 13:53

Your MIL is not causing conflict. Yeah..she might be trying to get your DH on side with her, but if your DH's priorities lie with you, which they should, then there will no issue.

This is entirely down to your DH. He needs to support you. Do you suspect him and MIL are eye-rolling about you behind your back?

mynewpassion · 14/05/2015 13:53

But the MIL complied with the request. She's being understanding and empathetic so is following directions. She is willing to try this new diet if it would help her grandson.

Her crime was to not waste food so gave it to her son. Did she do this in front of DS with a stern mean voice and said mummy being mean?

badtime · 14/05/2015 13:55

Why was your partner crying?

And why were you afraid to stand up to your partner before? What were you afraid would happen?

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 14/05/2015 13:56

Still there OP?

rumbleinthrjungle · 14/05/2015 13:56

Come on CaTs, surely you can be ruder/unkinder/less supportive than that to an upset OP and anyone with dietary allergies if you really try?

Incidentally I'm gluten/dairy free (I can demonstrate some very 'real' reasons why if I have either accidentally, effects last for days) and eat 'real food' all the time. No suffering involved at all.

I thought the OP's query here was why her partner is supporting her MiL getting all dramatic and undermining her about a simple experiment with food to see if it makes any benefit to their child, particularly when it sounds like MiL has form for doing so.

ApocalypseThen · 14/05/2015 13:58

So you, without medical supervision, decide to alter your son's diet in a very extreme way. Your MIL complies but had treats for him which didn't comply so she gave them to her own son.

I think slapping is too good for her. Stabbing is definitely the sane and measured approach.

Also, have your son assessed by a medical doctor and ensure that your diet isn't harming him.

Theycallmemellowjello · 14/05/2015 14:01

Agree with pp saying that you should definitely consult with a medical professional before eliminating elements of a baby's diet - bread/flour is fortified with vitamins etc usually so it's important to make sure he's getting these from elsewhere.

I also agree that I don't see the issue with mil. She's done what you asked. She might be a bit Hmm about it but I don't think that that is a cause for being really fucking angry and wanting to slap her face - this seems a scarily extreme reaction. You're having a tough time so make are you're looking after your own emotions and reactions.

WeirdCatLady · 14/05/2015 14:01

Have you spoken to any qualified medical personnel about changing your sons diet in this extreme way??

Another one here who cannot see why you would impose such restrictions on a child without appropriate research.

Also, unless I am missing something, your mil has done nothing wrong, and why the hell did getting a packet of Barney bears reduce your dp to tears ffs?!

MammaTJ · 14/05/2015 14:02

I actually don't see any reason for restricting a little ones diet in this way unless there are confirmed allergies. I certainly would not do it unless advised by a HCP.

My own DS had diarrhoea and we got medical advice before restricting his diet (which made no difference).

I don't see that your MIL has done anything wrong. She bought the cakes, found you would not allow them, did not sneak them to your DS without you knowing but quite openly gave them to your DP. Your DP is not totally on board with this diet (then, neither would I be) and allowed you to see his upset about that. Joint parenting and all that. Nothing to do with your MIL interfering!

Gottagetmoving · 14/05/2015 14:04

Is it just me or is she shit-stirring

Its YOU.
Why are you changing your son's diet without medical advice?
Why is your MiL wrong to give the sponge teddies away if she has been told she cannot feed them to your son?
Why do you take advantage of your mother in law by having her look after your son when you hate her?

auntynan · 14/05/2015 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SanityClause · 14/05/2015 14:05

So do you think she trying to make your DH feel bad about the cakes, because she knows he is sceptical about the diet?

So, he felt bad enough about her not being allowed to give the cakes, that he cried for her (WTAF?). This sounds like shit stirring, to me.

But I could be wrong. Perhaps talk to your DH about it. It does seem like a huge overreaction, but maybe he's on edge because he is worried about your DS, as well, and this just pushed him over?

SanityClause · 14/05/2015 14:07

every day I am criticised, screamed at and sometimes physically hurt for making decisions for my son and trying to do the right thing

1 Contact Women's Aid
2 Post in relationships, not AIBU.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 14/05/2015 14:07

aww OP Thanks and have a hug

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 14/05/2015 14:07

And what sanity said.

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 14/05/2015 14:08

Is it your partner who is being physically abusive, OP?

Gottagetmoving · 14/05/2015 14:09

WHO is it that physically hurts you?
There is more to this than the diet & sponge teddies,..you need to go to Relationships, not AIBU

MammaTJ · 14/05/2015 14:10

The reason it is an issue is because every day I am criticised, screamed at and sometimes physically hurt for making decisions for my son and trying to do the right thing. His mother manipulates every situation and his sister is even worse.

Now, clearly that is not a good situation. One you need to get out of, if it is your DP doing this, contact womens aid. If it is your MIL, block contact.

tabulahrasa · 14/05/2015 14:10

"The reason it is an issue is because every day I am criticised, screamed at and sometimes physically hurt for making decisions for my son and trying to do the right thing. His mother manipulates every situation and his sister is even worse."

That gives a slightly different context to your MIL...but also...

Your DP is still a bigger issue - that is not ok.

Theycallmemellowjello · 14/05/2015 14:11

Do you mean your husband or your mother is hurting you physically and shouting? Do you have a way of leaving? What country /area are you in - perhaps posters can help you find a local women's centre to talk about this. Good luck.