To not have much sympathy for her and think she is being a bit cheeky?

[ApignamedJasper]

DP's ex was messaging him the other day asking him if he can increase the maintainance he pays for his ds because she and her bf are apparently really skint.

Now, don't get me wrong, I have been and still am pretty poor so I get how hard being broke can be however:

She is currently pregnant with her bf's baby - they were actively trying for a baby despite not living in a place big enough for them all to live in and always moaning about not having enough money

DP already pays more than he 'should' in maintainance

Her bf has a pretty good job (20k ish - not loads but a lot where we live)

Aibu to not have much sympathy and think she is being cheeky asking DP to pay her more? She was also complaining that someone has threatened to report her for benefit fraud, she claims tax credits but I'm fairly sure she shouldn't be as her bf works full time and her mother works full time (who lives with them) so their household income is probably too high to be receiving tax credits.

I also doubt she is as skint as she says she is given a few weeks ago she and bf went on a very expensive foreign holiday, I think my definition of skint and hers are quite different!

Aibu and a bit mean or is she bu?

Its none of your business.

if the money is for things your dss needs then yabu but if she is expecting your dp to fund her lifestyle then she is taking the piss! is dss living with you to bring her household coats an option? obviously making sure whatever benefits get moved also!

What does your DP say?

Also, why is yours a DP but hers is a BF?

It's his child, not her 'boyfriends'.

Yanbu, your dp should be paying for his child, not his ex life choices.

It always irritates me when new partners moan about dialogue between their DP and their ex partner. That is for them to sort out. The children he had first should always come first regardless of her lifestyle.

How do you mean he pays more than he "should" in maintenance?

How much do you think he should pay?

I would never ask for more money but if they are genuinely in a tight spot would your DP be comfortable with DS going without? I don't think it would hurt to help them out a little bit but make it very clear it won't happen again as DS is the one who will suffer in the end.

Sorry, did write a response but lost it!

Fair enough worra, hers is also a dp!

Dp isn't especially happy about it, he is on a low income and we make lots of cuts in our lives to make ends meet where as she buys everything brand new etc.

Neither of us would mind him paying more if his ds was genuinely suffering as a result of them being poor but I'm very sure that they aren't as skint as she is making out, only a few weeks ago she & her dp went on a very expensive foreign holiday (as an example). I'm sure she could make cut backs if she wanted to.

It does sound like she is trying her luck to get a bit more.

If they are genuinely stretching their budgets with a new baby, maybe buy a couple of items directly for your stepson like new shoes etc

Her mother's income won't have any effect on her tax credits. She is not her dependant. They are two financially autonomous adults who just happen to live in the same house. Even if her mother helps her out with money it still won't count.

Ask, his current income levels means he 'should' (according to online calculator) be paying the minimum but he pays more like £20 per week.

Dp went into work to help his boss out briefly on one of his weekend days and took his ds with. When his ex heard he had gone into work and extra day (from dss) she assumed he had been paid for it (when he hadn't) and was on the phone immediately asking for her share of his extra days pay.

£20 a week?

I doubt that goes very far to be honest op.

£20 a week is absolutely nothing towards a child IMO!

but the bit about her immediatly demanding 'her share of his overtime' does make it look like she is just on the grab

if you think it is that unreasonable it might be an idea to get it assessed by the c.s.a [or what ever name it now goes under]. it seems unfail that she has exotic holidays but the money is for his child, it would go into her household kitty and be used , does dp think he he pays too much or sorry, to say this is it you feeling a bit put out ?

I can't imagine the £20 a week was much of a contribution towards a foreign holiday!

Dp isn't especially happy about it, he is on a low income and we make lots of cuts in our lives to make ends meet

£20 per week might not be a lot to some people, but it does have to be in context to the salary, and according to the OP, he is still paying more than the online calculator would suggest.

maybe it's her new DP? maybe he is happy enough to spend their money on themselves and the new baby, but doesn't think he should be paying anything at all towards his DPs child from prev. relationship?

Slightly off the thread but is £20 a week normal? Maybe I'm completely off, but it seems low.

I hope if your DP can afford to give more, he will.

sorry, meant to ask, does your dp work or on benefits ? i don't get the £20 a week being over excessive, what is the mim he should pay then ? do you work, i don't get the skint angle unless you are on benefits.

no former £20 woud not be much per week towards a holiday, but turn it round - if you can afford a foreign holiday, do you really need an extra few £ a week from your exP? You're hardly scrimping are you?

£20 per week? So he pays just £80 per month towards his own childs upkeep? Charming....

£20 does not really pay for a pair of new shoes even!