To not have much sympathy for her and think she is being a bit cheeky?

[ApignamedJasper]

DP's ex was messaging him the other day asking him if he can increase the maintainance he pays for his ds because she and her bf are apparently really skint.

Now, don't get me wrong, I have been and still am pretty poor so I get how hard being broke can be however:

She is currently pregnant with her bf's baby - they were actively trying for a baby despite not living in a place big enough for them all to live in and always moaning about not having enough money

DP already pays more than he 'should' in maintainance

Her bf has a pretty good job (20k ish - not loads but a lot where we live)

Aibu to not have much sympathy and think she is being cheeky asking DP to pay her more? She was also complaining that someone has threatened to report her for benefit fraud, she claims tax credits but I'm fairly sure she shouldn't be as her bf works full time and her mother works full time (who lives with them) so their household income is probably too high to be receiving tax credits.

I also doubt she is as skint as she says she is given a few weeks ago she and bf went on a very expensive foreign holiday, I think my definition of skint and hers are quite different!

Aibu and a bit mean or is she bu?

Haha. Do you and your dp think it costs £40 a wk to raise a child? Trust me, she's funding their dc to the tune of a lot more than £20 a week. I get your dp is on a low salary but I don't blame her for trying to get as much as she can out of him.

If his dc lived with you full time and she was paying you £20 for his upkeep, trust me, you'd be asking for more!

I think OP means DP overpays by £20 a week?

£20 a week is nothing.

Even in the minimum wage working a 40 hour week brings in over £200 a week.

Contributing £80 a month is 'cheeky'. Blimey ...

£20 per week is a pathetic amount.

The amount he pays is fine for us at the moment and it was an amount they agreed between them that was fair given his income as no problems there.

She is very specific about buying things for dss, I have in the past tried to buy things (clothes etc) that I thought he would like and dp warned me not to as she would only accept certain brands & has to have everything brand new whereas I but lots of stuff second hand. I imagine her new baby will be the same.

Tbf, her dp is pretty good with dss and doesn't seem to mind paying for things he needs but I'm quite surprised they are struggling so much considering her mum pays a third of the rent & bills and their income is much higher than ours and we have more children in the household!

Well I don't think £20 pw is alot but, I suppose its relative to how much your dp earns and how often you have him. I assume the more you have him the less you pay.

She is being cheeky asking for more if she knows your dp genuinely can't afford it. I assume her mother pays some rent or puts something into the household income?

It doesn't matter what her mum pays. Her mum didn't create the child!

Neither the husband's income, not their new baby have piss all to do with your DP.

All that's relevant is whether he's paying his half of their child's upbringing.

Can you confirm whether the £20 is on top of the bare minimum or if it's all he pays?

PS: get a hobby I remember at least one other thread from you bitching about the ex in the past couple of months.

Reassured to hear other posters think £20 is low - we spend more on our kids and I can't imagine how difficult it would be to make £20 work.

Do is self employed so some weeks will hardly earn anything, hence the low amount. When he has more, he pays more and has done so in the past. (By contrast my ex pays me absolutely nothing and I have one child with SN too so higher costs involved but that is sidetracking a bit).

Dss is with us on weekends due to distance, dp collects him and drops him off so pays extra for fuel etc.

That's right , the xW new baby has piss all to do with OP, so if they are whining about a new baby on the way and things are tight, then tough shit.

Has your dp asked her what exactly extra she needs? Can't he just buy it instead of giving her the money.

I am not saying the anyone else should be paying for the child.

I am saying that the house has 2 incomes. So she its not a case of not being able to afford the rent, electric etc. Bills that would be there without the child.

If the ex knows the the OPs dp doesn't earn much and she is asking for more, it is a bit cheeky. However I can't quantify that £20pw is enough in reality. I also don't think its really the OPs business. I also assume the OP is working and so her house has 2 incomes too, so how hard would it be to help her out a bit.

I know people who get less, though since it goes on income.

How often do you have dss? is it every other weekend? £20 does seem low.

DD's Dad pays 60pw and offers everything he can as he wants DD to have the best whether we are together or not. I find the concept of thinking £20 per week is okay baffling but maybe that's just me being lucky to have a very nice ex. Why does your DP not actually sit down and talk to her? Also I would be really cheesed off if my exes partner was making mine and my exes business her own, especially when it comes to money. You could always give her some vouchers for clothes so she could pick some herself.

Even for someone hardly earning anything, £20 is appalling. Utterly appalling. I don't care about any other details in this post, quite honestly. For five days a week that's less than £5 a day for that little boy.

FFS

Why should she? The only household the OP should be contributing towards is her own.

Because £20pw is nothing in comparison to the cost of raising a child. If the ex is genuinely struggling and Their household has 2 incomes, maybe they could afford to give a little more. The OP has said that her child SN, while i was posting, so possibly not.

Obviously I am the only person that would help out the mother of my step child, who is only getting £20pw, if I could.

I agree with you OP, I assume she is also claiming child benefit and maybe child tax credits for him as well as what your dp gives her. I certainly wouldn't be giving her cash I would be asking what dss needs specifically and going and buying it.

I do work but only part time as I am a full time student and starting uni soon so we do have 2 incomes but our two incomes probably equal less than her dp's wage. Which is all irrelevant really but just to demonstrate that we are genuinely skint!

If the tables were turned would she help you out NRomanoff? If so then fair enough.

I don't honestly know, it never came up and i am not longer with the father.

I have given dhs cousin money before, she gets a very small amount from her ex. She isn't my cousin and her child isn't my responsibilty. But I choose to help her out. Dh would too, i just see her more as our kids are friends. Never entered my head to think about whether she would do the same, she probably would.

£20 a week.

And he's self employed you say?

We would buy dss stuff he needed but see my previous post about her being very fussy about what she buys. I don't want to buy him stuff only for it to be given away/not used.