To not have much sympathy for her and think she is being a bit cheeky?

[ApignamedJasper]

DP's ex was messaging him the other day asking him if he can increase the maintainance he pays for his ds because she and her bf are apparently really skint.

Now, don't get me wrong, I have been and still am pretty poor so I get how hard being broke can be however:

She is currently pregnant with her bf's baby - they were actively trying for a baby despite not living in a place big enough for them all to live in and always moaning about not having enough money

DP already pays more than he 'should' in maintainance

Her bf has a pretty good job (20k ish - not loads but a lot where we live)

Aibu to not have much sympathy and think she is being cheeky asking DP to pay her more? She was also complaining that someone has threatened to report her for benefit fraud, she claims tax credits but I'm fairly sure she shouldn't be as her bf works full time and her mother works full time (who lives with them) so their household income is probably too high to be receiving tax credits.

I also doubt she is as skint as she says she is given a few weeks ago she and bf went on a very expensive foreign holiday, I think my definition of skint and hers are quite different!

Aibu and a bit mean or is she bu?

Where does it suggest the child isn't provided for properly? Genuinely have I missed something?

And the fact that £20 isn't unusual only makes this worse.

Are F4J campaigning to increase the amount they contribute towards their own children's upbringing, I wonder?

I take my hat off to all you women with deadbeat, irresponsible ex partners. I had absolutely no idea child support was so pathetically low. It is disgraceful.

fiveacres it is disgraceful.

My DH's ex used to be the same until we put our foot down too. If DSD needs uniform we buy it, if she needs shoes we buy them. I got her a GoHenry card that we transfer money onto if she wants a new video game or a magazine etc but the weekly amount to her mum remains the same. She lives 200 miles away so we can't just get her things she wants hence the pocket money card.

I have to say OP, I hope your relationship with your DP goes the distance, because the alternative's not great.

Totally agree with Tinkly.

My father paid £20 a week maintenance for me in 1978.

£20 a week ?
Are you having a laugh?

Err did you miss the post that said its only been since the beginning of the year stealth? So about 4-5 months, not years. It was double before that.

I know 3cheeky, we aren't going on holiday because we can't afford it. We don't even have a phone line or tv license because we can't afford it.

Wardeness, the CSA minimum very minimum is £5 something so £20 is quite a bit more than that, plus the £20 extra for fuel - I know it isn't enough but it was agreed between them and it isn't that dissimilar to what a lot of Nrp's I know pay.

I have a sneaky suspicion exh has never reported any increases in salary. £25 for the last 9 years.

OP we used an online calculator for DSD. I can see this from both sides as I'm living both sides.

You can genuinely only give what you can afford. We drive the 200 miles to pick up and drop off DSD and factor it in to our household budget. It's a lot of money every month but the alternative is not seeing her so we make sure we have it even if we have to borrow from family.

I'm pretty much at peace with what I get for DS. We provide everything he needs and he doesn't go without. We are a low income family but we sacrifice holidays, new clothes etc so DC don't oh without.

It's hard if the other party isn't doing the same and expecting more from an already squeezed budget.

'You can only give what you can afford'

Providing for your own child isn't like making a charitable donation.

You don't know she can't feed or clothe him! She is moaning to her ex that she is skint, I'd be saying that too! She probably means her money will have to be spread further and she could do with more from him. She's not going to say she's got plenty and then ask for an increase is she?

" You can genuinely only give what you can afford. "
but the resident parent has no option but to make up any shortfall surely

apologies - 4 months

All these people going on about buying the children stuff instead of paying cash, that's not going to pay for a roof over their head is it? Housing must be the biggest cost.

OP I honestly wasn't having a go I can completely get where you're coming from. That's why I said what I'm getting so other posters understood that £20 isn't unusual. I mentioned it was disgraceful in my own circumstances due to the fact he's just managed to get a mortgage on his salary and doesn't offer to split uniform costs or help pay for things he needs. My DS has ASD and needs extra things occasionally.

Sorry if you read it like it was an attack toward you

Exactly 3cheeky, especially when Dss didnt even get to go.

Not sure exactly what you mean sundae?

I agree tinkly, I receive nothing from my childrens' dad, not a penny and he moved hundreds of miles away so sees them about twice a year. It is disgraceful.

And I actually don't think it matters if the mother is living a bloody millionaire lifestyle, she is still entitled to be pissed off if her deadbeat ex is only chucking £20 into the pot.

I can only give my children what I can afford. How is it any different for the NRP?

Tinkly DH's ex has her home paid for via HB. My ex doesn't pay my mortgage.

Tinkly my post stated we buy things on top of giving DSD's mum cash.

No it's fine, I knew exactly what you meant wardeness :)

And cheeky :)

Also the pocket money card is so DSD can but herself non essential stuff while the maintenance payments go on food etc

" I agree tinkly, I receive nothing from my childrens' dad, not a penny and he moved hundreds of miles away so sees them about twice a year. It is disgraceful."
it is