Aibu to phone Jo Jingles leader who has started to blatently exclude & ignore my 2 year old, help me plan my approach:(

[indiana7]

My dd has been going to JJ since she was a baby & adores the classes so much , she has all the cds, the doll, talks about the classes & the leader constantly
However over the past few weeks the leader has taken an obvious dislike towards her & it's very obvious. My dd is extremely outgoing & loves to run up at the start of class with "her news" etc. She answers all the questions the leader asks but leader ignores dd & waits for someone else to answer & pretends they were they were the first to, always makes dd(who sits & waits patiently) wait until last for her instrument, then compliments other child on their "great waiting"! DD went for her nap their say X never heard me telling her the animals names, did I tell her loudly enough?( Dd is extremely articulate for age) then started crying saying X doesn't like me

It is breaking my heart, I was furious leaving the class as my dd was the only child that the leader didn't play with under the parachute, dd went over to where she was & sat beside her & she turned her back on her

I have had plenty of run ins with passive aggressive people throughout my life & have never stood up for myself. However I feel I have to fight dd's corner as she loves Jo Jingles & there is nothing else around here either for her to go to. Dd is so confident(something I never & still don't have) & I don't want that knocked out of her. Should I phone her & what do I say?

Ps leaving the class today another mom randomly commented to me "she does have her favourites doesn't she"

We don't actually know that she was excluding anyone! I suspect that the OP might just be a little on the sensitive side where her dd is concerned and is therefore over-interpreting the slight.

Really? It's sounds to me from the OPs post that she is excluding her daughter. If you are going to assume that the OP is oversensitive even though you have never met her, there is not much point having the discussion.

Marynary
"That is rubbish. The Leader shouldn't exclude/ignore anyone including OPs child."

They shouldn't but what if they are doing something with one child and another wants attention? who do they choose? do they keep on doing what they are doing or as the OP says "turn their back on the child"?

One persons 'exclusion' might be another persons 'completing a task'

BoneyBackJefferson You're talking as if the "leader" is a teacher or nursery teacher in charge of several children. They aren't. The parents are there and the majority of the session just involves the leader singing and playing instruments along with the children and parents. Nobody is going to be ignored because one child is answering the questions and so there is no need to ignore the child answering the questions. There is also no justification for making one child always wait to the end for an instrument and the is no need to never play with the child under the parachute.

Marynary

My reading of this is that the OP's child has gone from being the first (almost first) to be picked to somewhere near the last to be picked. The OP is reading this as being ignored, most other posters have read this as being rotated round/giving the other children a turn.

The leader sings songs and plays instruments and parents look after their own children then why is the OP so angry about this?

"why is the OP so angry about this?"

Dare I suggest it's because she didn't hear any specific praise about how advanced and articulate her child is?

Hi op. Your situation strikes a chord with me I went through this 10 yrs ago with my eldest. my advice is..you both need to suck it up! sorry but people like to put sparky bright kids back in their place, take her out & nuture her elsewhere. Honestly she'll forget about it very quickly & you'll wonder what you were ever worried about, a weekly singing class should not be playing on either of your minds so much! I'm sure you won't let her grow up to be a precious self centred little whatnot she sounds delightful

I'm not sure what sort of gripe some posters have with the OP here but her posts don't come across as particularly PFB to me.

Teachers are bound to favour some children over others but they shouldn't let it show. There are ways of dealing with over enthusiasm without excluding a child.

I've seen this in action in my DD's ballet class. The teacher clearly hasn't got much time for one child. She is a bit disruptive at times but the teacher is far quicker to jump in and reprimand her than with the others. I would be a bit pissed off if I was her mum.

My reading of this is that the OP's child has gone from being the first (almost first) to be picked to somewhere near the last to be picked.

Nowhere has OP stated that her dd used to be first (or almost first) to be picked. She has only said that her dd is outgoing and tries to answer all the questions but is ignored and always has to wait until last for instruments etc or doesn't get a go at all on some things (e.g. parachute).

Dare I suggest it's because she didn't hear any specific praise about how advanced and articulate her child is?

Or maybe she just isn't happy about the fact that the Leader isn't being that nice to her two year old by acting as if she hasn't heard her, making her wait until last or no letting her have a go on things.

Or maybe the teacher does have her favourites, the posters DD isnt one of them, and is being ignored.
I know teaching is a hard job but teachers are people as well and not always saints, I dont see what harm it would do to have a quiet word asking the teacher to make sure her child is included as she "missed out on parachute time/whatever last week and was very upset about it at home"

BoneyBackJefferson, so you think the OPs child shouldn't have a turn or always be last? How ridiculous. If they all get to play the parachute game then OPs daughter should get her turn. If the leader thinks quieter children aren't getting a turn then why doesn't she direct questions more? For example instead of asking "Who know what colour this is?" She can say, "Mary what colour is the ball, Jane what colour is the bat, OPs daughter what colour is the drum?" What she shouldn't do is exclude one child and turn her back on her.

I run baby and toddler classes.

OP. Even if your 2 year old is vocal, precocious and downright domineering that does NOT mean that your class leader's actions and treatment of her are in any way acceptable.

Every leader has a child like this sometimes (regularly) and it's not difficult to acknowledge a child but not indulge them. To say "yes OP's DD I can hear you, good job. Can you listen to jonny's answer with me too?"

JJ are a franchise. Contact the franchisor. They are doing a bad job, end of.

• DrEllieSattler Tue 05-May-15 14:45:29

Of course its not hard Dr.

People need to remember anyone can start up these franchises, they are just a bit of fun, and money making ventures for organisers.

This is why I would not be going any more.

clam I think your comments are spiteful.

I totally agree drtullip , there is a way of dealing with situations where on or 2 chikdren dominate, ignoring and leaving out a little child is not on.

My DC was like this - v chatty centre of attention at one particular class we attended the leader loved him etc when we moved up to the next class for 3+ there were more/other / older/more experienced children clambering for the centre of attention and the new set up relied more on children doing stuff on their own - it was a bit weird and difficult for DC and for a while it made the experience for him and me different and a bit less special. In my case the leader dealt with it quite skilfully but tbh it felt a little bit of a snub and slightly confusing to go from one class where DC was centre stage very much at the insistence of the leader to him being deliberately shown far less attention in the next age class run by the same leader

but I guess this is what growing up is - and after a short while DC went back to being one of the more outgoing kids in the class - and I think it was a good lesson for him to learn that there will be competition and perhaps even more dominate personalities than his and to grasp how to be confident within a real group setting rather than before when he perhaps received too much of the attention

Really not sure if in OP case it was a clumsy attempt by the leader at trying to deal with concerns that her child was being over dominate, or perhaps the leader having a bad day, or she was responding to concerns from other parents that their child would like to be included more. Or perhaps even OP being over sensitive? If the leader was genuinely rude then yes this is wrong - but if over the course of the long time you have been going to class she has been been very good then it may be more likely there has been a reason for the change in behaviour - I would say nothing and go to the next class and see what happens

You know you won't be going to Jo Jingles forever. There'll be a time to stop because your DD has outgrown the class. Perhaps that time is now. There are plenty of groups for pre-school children to go to and plenty of people wishing to make a lot of money out of you!

I think the OP is long gone.

grannytomine
"so you think the OPs child shouldn't have a turn or always be last? How ridiculous."

Strangely enough I have never said this, but the OP has to realise that other children should also get a turn and sometimes that may mean that her dd misses out, just like the other children have had to.

Strangely enough I have never said this, but the OP has to realise that other children should also get a turn and sometimes that may mean that her dd misses out, just like the other children have had to.

You don't know that other children have missed out because of OP's child though. You have made up that scenario and seem very biased towards people who work with children. Are you a teacher by any chance?

Marynary

Is it now wrong that children should have to take turns?

From the OP's posts its easy to see that that she expects the "leader" to put her child first, (the leader "turning her back" on the OP's DD as she (the leader) was doing something with another child.

"seem very biased towards people who work with children. Are you a teacher by any chance?"

by your logic I could be a nursery nurse, social worker, health visitor, child minder, GP or paediatrician.

What nasty, spiteful comments on here. I'm glad none of you are my mother, most of you seem incapable of distinguishing between cruel and spiteful behaviours and the gentle guidance with which toddlers should be taught. Deliberately excluding OP's DD from a game? That is downright horrible and bitchy. I wonder why so few of you lot can see the problem.
OP I hope that you do say something. It may not do you any good though, so be prepared to vote with your feet.

I agree confused this has happened over a period of weeks, not just a one off oversight. It really isent ok to ignore and exclude a little child however much a pain in the bum they might seem. If you are working with children then you have to treat them ALL nicely, not only ones you like. I don't blame op for having a quiet wird after class with the JJ leader, she runs a franchise for children, so has to be prepared for feedback and op to take her child out of there.

BoneyBackJefferson, so when she was asked to wait and then didn't get a turn that was fair. Ir might have been appropriate for OPs DD not to go first but if she is waiting patiently then that should be rewarded by her getting a turn. If you want children to be well mannered then demonstrate good manners and ignoring a child, turning your back on them is not well mannered.

It is also significant that this isn't a one off this has been going on for weeks, I can't believe adultsl think it is appropriate to treat a 2 year old like this for weeks on end.

BoneyBackJefferson No it is not wrong for children to take turns. That is the point. OP's child is either not getting a turn or she is always last.

You say that is happens because OP's child previously always came first as if you were there and this is fact but you are just extrapolating based on your own biased assumptions. Even if you are correct it wouldn't be a good reason to treat her the way she is now being treated.

You are wrong regarding my logic. I didn't say that anyone who worked with children would be biased about this issue. I only suggested that a teacher might be biased and was wondering if you are one.