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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to phone Jo Jingles leader who has started to blatently exclude & ignore my 2 year old, help me plan my approach:(

207 replies

indiana7 · 01/05/2015 14:01

My dd has been going to JJ since she was a baby & adores the classes so much , she has all the cds, the doll, talks about the classes & the leader constantly
However over the past few weeks the leader has taken an obvious dislike towards her & it's very obvious. My dd is extremely outgoing & loves to run up at the start of class with "her news" etc. She answers all the questions the leader asks but leader ignores dd & waits for someone else to answer & pretends they were they were the first to, always makes dd(who sits & waits patiently) wait until last for her instrument, then compliments other child on their "great waiting"! DD went for her nap their say X never heard me telling her the animals names, did I tell her loudly enough?( Dd is extremely articulate for age) then started crying saying X doesn't like me

It is breaking my heart, I was furious leaving the class as my dd was the only child that the leader didn't play with under the parachute, dd went over to where she was & sat beside her & she turned her back on her

I have had plenty of run ins with passive aggressive people throughout my life & have never stood up for myself. However I feel I have to fight dd's corner as she loves Jo Jingles & there is nothing else around here either for her to go to. Dd is so confident(something I never & still don't have) & I don't want that knocked out of her. Should I phone her & what do I say?

Ps leaving the class today another mom randomly commented to me "she does have her favourites doesn't she"

OP posts:

CrapBag · 01/05/2015 19:57

Sorry OP but I do think you are being a little U and possibly exaggerating or seeing things that aren't there. If she genuinely treated your DD that way then obviously that isn't on but I think she is trying to give some of the quieter children a chance. By your talk of praise and a 2 year old saying that someone doesn't like them?! I'm wondering if you go a bit OTT with the praise and comments on your child's knowledge and articulate skills. Hence she now thinks everyone else will be just as impressed with her and she's discovering that they are not.

Your DD sounds like one of those toddlers who are very confident, good at talking and knows their colours etc and wants to let everyone else hear what they know. Whilst it is great as a parent to hear, it is wearing for other parents when their shyer more reluctant child never gets a look in.

At DS's birthday party, I booked an entertainer that I knew he would love. He is fairly confident and outgoing but he does get his shy moments so I did know that it could go either way. Well he was kind of in the middle, sitting beside the entertainer but a bit too shy to answer the questions that he knew the answers to, not helped by the little know all that constantly was in the entertainers face, wanted to be by the entertainment and was shouting all answers out immediately. I smiled along with the parent but I got on my nerves tbh and this parent just let him carry on the whole time. No one else got a look in.

fulltothebrim · 01/05/2015 20:03

OP your DD may be the centre of universe but you have to understand she is not the centre of everyone's

My children were shy, sensitive and quiet in class. If all the confident kids got all the attention then others miss out.

It sounds like this teacher is doing a good job, she is teaching your child that being pushy/first/loudest is not always the best approach.

turningvioletviolet · 01/05/2015 20:10

tbh i've got that horrible 2nd hand embarrassment feeling that you're even thinking about ringing this woman.

someone down thread said we all think our children our wonderful/perfect. that's not true. Some of us actually see our dcs as perfectly normal human beings capable of being nice/not so nice, clever/not so clever, well behaved/pains in the arses. You do seem to think the sun shines out of your dd's little backside.

if you don't like the teacher you can choose to stay or go. it's not compulsory.

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 01/05/2015 20:12

Crapbag - we had a party exactly the same. Know all kid tried to push ds out of the way to blow the candles out!

fulltothebrim · 01/05/2015 20:14

I am not fond of pushy kids. Plenty others feel the same- including teachers.

GobbolinoCat · 01/05/2015 20:15

agree with lemony too and I also feel someone has complained about your dd so called, - stealing all lime light, so leader is in awkward position.

its awful though it really is, my dd is too young to understand much but she was eagerly trying to grab something the other day, I kept asking her to stop, and physically picked her up and sat her down, the leader told me not to worry, then proceeded to say very clearly to other dc " well done for waiting your turn" etc and left my dd out, of her actual go, when I had then made her sit patiently for it!!!!

I have to say have you really really looked for other groups, its hard to believe this is the only one in your area. Do you toddler groups, and loads of stuff like that ....

I think these things are lots of money and usually for some one to shove on cd for a bit. It would be a huge commitment for us to pay for this and as such, I could not tolerate such behaviour to my dd.

Sadit · 01/05/2015 20:18

Whether she's a PFB or not, it sounds like the teacher needs lessons on how to manage her class.
A 2 year old should not be treated like that.

fulltothebrim · 01/05/2015 20:18

gobbolino- but your DD did not choose to wait- she tried to grasp you had to physically restrain her.
She made a bad choice - why should she be praised for that?

chocolateade · 01/05/2015 20:22

I agree with Sadit; regardless of the behaviour of OP's child the teacher hasn't been behaving in a professional manner.

QuintShhhhhh · 01/05/2015 20:26

Could it be that another parent has complained to the leader that your dd was favoured, and so the leader is trying to even things out?

306235388 · 01/05/2015 20:27

OP - what did you say when your daughter said these things about leader not liking her?

Please don't phone her - next week maybe try and grab a quick word with leader along the lines of what you've said.

Please don't be one of those mothers that makes their child a victim all the time. I'm really not meaning to be mean but in that situation I'd say 'don't be silly of course she likes you, she likes all the boys and girls' and if it happened the next week I'd probably praise her myself and if otherwise ok just leave it.

I really don't think fighting battles is the way to go in life.

Fromparistoberlin73 · 01/05/2015 20:30

I also agree with lemony !

You catch more flies with sugar than vinegar so go in assuming she is a professional and try and take a collaborative approach. If that fails - well at least you tried then complain

As for the pfb accusations . No one wants to see their child upset and two is ever so young to experience the harsh arrows and slings of life IMO

GobbolinoCat · 01/05/2015 20:32

I'd say 'don't be silly of course she likes you, she likes all the boys and girls' and if it happened the next week I'd probably praise her myself and if otherwise ok just leave it

can you expand on this alternative POV and how it will benefit her dd, when its so obv a 2 year old has noticed it!

I mean that genuinely not being sarcastic

FryOneFatManic · 01/05/2015 20:32

I went back and read the OP's posts and actually I don't necessarily agree that this is a case of a PFB situation, especially given that another parent has noticed something amiss.

While it is possible that someone has said something about the child, the little girl is not the only one running up at the start of the class, is made to wait last for things, and ignored, and the child has picked up on this (the teacher turning her back is not acceptable).

So yes, I think something should be said, and if the teacher is trying to balance things out, she's going very wrong IMO.

anon33 · 01/05/2015 20:33

Can I share my experience as a Mum at a group and offer a different angle? Some things you said about your own confidence issues OP made me think perhaps you are projecting a bit here, unintentionally?

I have been in a group of mothers since our children were around 2. They are now 10/11. One of the mothers has an only child, who took many years to conceive. This child is lovely, very advanced for age, articulate etc. Very keen to be the first to answer, volunteer, quite a dominant girl, but well mannered etc.

Her mother on the other hand expects her to constantly be at the centre of attention. Anyone not listening to her stories, praising her efforts, letting her outshine the others is accused of ignoring her. The child needs a lot of attention and in my opinion relies on it to the point that it is very unhealthy. If she is not chosen to answer a question she hangs her head like she has been beaten with a stick. This mother keeps changing "groups" as she now believes that this behaviour is bullying. Her daughter can't keep any friends due to mother's constant interference (with other mothers, teachers etc) and this child is completely unaware that the world does not revolve around her. It is very sad, because as I said she is a nice child.

The child has recently been withdrawn from school as her mother is upset that teachers do not recognize her personality type, and are not willing to adapt their teaching style to suit her!!!

I don't know if you are perhaps over reading the situation OP, and if the leader is truly being PA and purposely leaving your DD out then that is not on. However you do need to teach your DD that she is not always the star of the show, and that there is nothing wrong with that, others need to get a turn too in a group setting.

BoneyBackJefferson · 01/05/2015 20:36

GobbolinoCat
"It would be a huge commitment for us to pay for this and as such, I could not tolerate such behaviour to my dd."

But you would tolerate other children being ignored?

HeyDuggee · 01/05/2015 20:40

I can't believe some of these replies. A 2 year old isn't stupid- and can easily pick up body language cues and correctly interpret them.

The teacher isn't a very good teacher if she can't manage to include the quieter kids without excluding your DD, OP. It's appaling to treat a toddler like this - and you're paying her to do so!?

catnipkitty · 01/05/2015 20:42

Sorry no words of wisdom, but this thread has just taken me back 10 years and reminded me how much my daughter hated Jo Jingles. Hope you get it sorted.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 01/05/2015 20:45

Hmm - I'm in two minds about this

Firstly, it's not good that your DD is upset and that needs resolved. I absolutely agree that you should speak to the leader and I think that the collaborative approach is right.

I do think though that you should be open to listening to any feedback that the teacher has too - which I'm sure you will.

I have a 1 and a 2 year old and we go to a music class. I'm not saying this is you but a mum has recently joined with her DD. Previously everyone has been very good at waiting for turns etc. But this little girl (understandably) isn't and her mum does nothing to guide her. So, she's sllowed to wander round removing instruments from other children, push to the front of the queue, refuse to hand things back and generally be very disruptive. All accompanied by very loud parenting.

I find it hard as it's then puzzling for my DC and the others as to why they have to wait their turn.

GobbolinoCat · 01/05/2015 20:46

Well if you read my post Boney you will see in a one off situation I didn't let other children be ignored.